Magical Mayhem

A 216-post collection

Challenge #03012-H089: With a Little Help From My...

Warrior: I swear I will have revenge for the death of my brother.

Elf: you have my bow.

Dwarf: and my axe.

Necromancer: and your brother! -- Anon Guest

[AN: Heheheh, I remember when that first did the rounds on Tumblr. I think someone made a comic page out of it eventually. I wanna say Oglaf, but... probably not Oglaf[1].]

People always think necromancy is the ultimate evil. They think that necromancers don't respect the dead, the gods, the feelings of those still breathing. They think wrong. Remember such magics as Revivify? Or True Resurrection? They're necromantic. Clerics talk to the dead all the time, but the instant you wear a black robe and start using necrotic damage... Yeah.

Death is a part of life. Helping someone pass peaceably from life into death is just as important as helping both mother and child survive the process of birth. Trust me, there's things that can go wrong. Unfinished business makes ghosts. Put a ghost too near a magical construct, and it causes all sorts of problems. Unstoppable creature with one purpose melded with an unkillable spirit with a different purpose? Bad noise. And don't get me started on the undead. Yeah, necromancers can hate those shits. Bringing dead meat to life has its own perils and undead is in the top three.

Forget black robes and skeletal minions. It's only the edgelords that go there. Edgelords with a lot of money. Black is a very expensive hue for clothing[2]. Not great when you're a starving student of the dark arts. Honestly, I look like any other student - hard-wearing worker's clothes so I don't have to keep buying new clothes. A long-lasting pair of shoes headed for their last breath... And at least one stupid accessory because it had a practical application and no student ever had the coin to spare for style.

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Challenge #03008-H085: Thing in the Mirror

Ok, you left this one on a cliff hanger. Please, PLEASE let Ardin see a mirror, or still pond, or SOMETHING that forces him to see himself as everyone else is seeing him? Pretty, pretty please with sugar on top?? PLEASE??

https://peakd.com/fiction/@internutter/challenge-02949-h026-when-you-assume -- DaniAndShali

[AN: You are petty and vicious and I love it]

Ardin had spent a solid minute scouring his body free of the offal he had seen himself as wearing. To his eyes and

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Challenge #03005-H082: Land of the Loveless

From around the world, tieflings were vanishing. Sometimes just fading away, sometimes disappearing in a gout of flame, but they were not dying. The spell was cast, though the summoners had to work very hard on it. A kingdom, a beautiful one where people, all people, were treated with dignity and kindness. The rulers, the queen and king, both tieflings. They were calling for the outcasts, the unwanted. "Come here, come home, please, let our lands shelter you." Twin brothers, one tiefling,

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Challenge #03000-H077: Scheherezade III

I can't help it, I gotta know, how DO people react at the royal event seeing the twins together?

https://peakd.com/fiction/@internutter/challenge-02929-h006-the-trouble-with-tails -- DaniAndShali

Viceroy Jubilation Araveth Falsworth Merrimine could always tell when the rest of the room spotted his brother, Apprehension. It was not quite a universal gasp, but there was a definite chorus of indrawn breaths. Usually from the gallery of those waiting to see who was whom as they arrived. Then the musicians would stutter to

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Challenge #02998-H075: With Great Power...

Power is power; it is pure, cannot be corrupted, intentions can. It is up to the individual whenever or not they use their power to ascend to divinity or fall to hell -- Anon Guest

They say, Power corrupts. They say, Absolute power corrupts absolutely. What they fail to recognise is that those who grasp for power are already corrupt. There is a true difference, indeed, between those who grasp for power and those who have to accept it. It begins with

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Challenge #02976-H053: Go Out With a Song

"Never raise more devils than you can put down. You raised one devil too many...father."

Watches as the dad's face pales and he's like "Um... oops."

internutter 72 9 days ago

That is one hell of a line and I want to make an excuse to use it :D -- DaniAndShali

[AN: Prompt from the comments on this thing and I'm debating about continuance or something with Tieflings...]

There was a sword poking out of his chest. The red arm of

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Challenge #02965-H042: Time in a Bottle

time loop -- Anon Guest

[AN: Link leads to a looping video featuring temporal paradox. Very clever editing]

"Drink to become... something... immortal," read Thygrun the Powerful. He didn't need to think, he popped the cork and raised it to his lips.

"Don't take it," warned Thygrun the Powerful, yelling at him from across the room. "You'll regret it forever!"

Thygrun had taken one sip already. "What? Are you meant to be me?"

"Yes! The potion doesn't create eternal life. It creates

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Challenge #02947-H024: You Kids Pipe Down or I Swear...

A: Ffs you two are grown adults. Shut the hell up. This is the tenth time I’m tell you two, there will be no warning next time and I will personally make sure both of you stay quiet for the rest of the day

B: Boo we have rights!

A: you better exercise the right to remain silent, or else -- Anon Guest

Some parental threats have no weight. Themes like "I will turn this vehicle around," are empty. Void. Children

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Challenge #02945-H022: End of Program. Next?

Can a tool created for revenge grow to be something more? Something human? -- Anon Guest

I was not grown, I was made. I was not taught, I was programmed. I am not a living thing with feelings... or so I was told. I am a machine. Metal and cogs and magic. I do not have a soul. My maker told me this.

I am made for revenge. I can go places my maker cannot. I am harder than flesh. I am

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Challenge #02943-H020: Inside a Room Without a View

That day, if our positions were switched... would our fates be different? Would I have your life, and you mine? -- Anon Guest

Twenty-three years ago, twin brothers were born holding hands. Great fortune, the Goodwives were wont to say. A great boon. So long as both siblings were raised as together as they were born, and cared for as equally as if one had not been born a Tiefling. Were it any other way, the Viceroy Apprehension "Loyalty" Merrimine might have

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Challenge #02938-H015: Empowered Battle Fashion Choice

Who’s the blacksmith out there moulding titty armour to every strong female character more accurately than a fitter at Victoria Secret?

Tis I Mandick the titty smithy -- Anon Guest

[AN: Titty armour is very silly and not entirely practical and does NOT include the wads of padding that do the heavy lifting of saving the wearer's life. But that does not look sexy on screen. Bleh]

"Impenetrable Armour of Vacuum-Sealed Fit," read Avello the Valiant. "Women only." The sample in

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Challenge #02929-H006: The Trouble With Tails

"I can't do this"

"Yes you can"

"No I can't"

"Stop bitching and just put the fucking pants on" -- Anon Guest

"I keep telling you to hire a tailor with a tail. Your kind always get the tail hole wrong." Viceroy "Loyalty" Merrimine squirmed into the offending clothing. Despite both brother's best efforts, there was the distinct sound of thread snapping. "Damnit..."

His older brother -by twenty minutes, as he kept reminding his twin- sighed and said, "I'll get the sewing

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Challenge #02928-H005: Sdrawkcab Erutnevda

In the world of mirrors, where right is left and up is down. Do not move the hands of time. Walk backwards on the path you taken. Ignore the false eyes that gaze beyond. Only then everything you care for will be safe and sound. -- Anon Guest

I have walked into Rorrim knowing well the hazards. I knew what I had to do. Everything is backwards in Rorrim. It is, after all, the realm of reflection. You go ahead by walking

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Challenge #02921-G364: One For You...

"don't make deals with a Devil, unless that Devil is me,

Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't,

'coz NOTHING is ever truly free, ALL Devils have a fee!"

-- 'Ancient' Terran Aussie Saying -- Adam in Darwin

[AN: Ah yes, the ancient Aussie sage of wisdom, Kylie Minogue]

It's difficult to trust a Tiefling at the best of times, and why not? They look exactly like they stepped out of a woodcut from The Temptation of Everyman. It's

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Challenge #02895-G338: Kind'a Saw it Coming

This is a new feeling, pride in someone else. Unfortunately, it is overshadowed by all this unyielding rage! -- Vegeta

Honestly, it never fails. Spend the better part of a lifetime building up an empire of power only to witness some snot-nosed kid hero gather up a band of five total snot-nosed kid heroes and thereby overthrow you in a heroic example of the power of friendship. The Dark Lord Mephis had attempted to circumvent all of this by seducing every possible

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