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Challenge #00330: Fool Me Twice

Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies.

[TW: Rape, violence]

“Ari, what the shit?”

“I told him. I warned him. I said. You heard. I said. I told him. I’d survived one. I escaped two. I told him. Never again.”

There was no doubt she’d been defending herself. The RapeX was still clinging to his shriveling and bleeding member. Ari bore the bloody evidence of a struggle. She clung with a white-knuckled grip to the kitty-cat key ring that had very obviously been used to stab her attacker multiple times.

Were it anyone else on the floor… there wouldn’t be a problem.

Except this was the high-note senator who had championed Shelters For Survivors. Who used the cause of ending rape in all its forms to gain the women’s vote.

Ari had got in a lucky shot to his neck.

He’d bled out before he could kill her.

Ari was going into PTSD tremors. She got between her and the body. Blocked her sight. “You did good. You survived again. He only got it in once, right?”

Ari nodded.

She didn’t question that Ari wore the RapeX all the time. After the first encounter, it had been her best friend. After the second time… her security blanket. After the third… well… Ari knew and kept all the legal concealed weapons that a person could own.

Senator Whyte had used her story. He knew it. How the hell he thought he could get away with trying something on her and then ignoring every ‘no’ that must have come out of her mouth… was a mystery for the ages.

And then his wife walked in.

“John,” she sighed, “you stupid piece of shit.”

Well. Someone said it.

Pauscha Whyte bit her bottom lip, then turned around and locked the door behind her. “Right. We all know the press would never let this rest until Ari was in jail. They’d hound her to suicide. So. My stupid-ass husband has had a sudden illness. We’re going to sequester ourselves in our private resort for his health. I have lookalikes for the paparazzi. We can fake a gradual decline. Help me with the desk.”

She leaped to action. Shifting the desk away from the rug. Helping Pauscha wrap the rug around the body and, when necessary, gently steering Ari out of the way.

Then she and Pauscha shuffled the body in its rug into the panic room and the freezer therein.

Senator John Whyte insisted on panic rooms. In case his life was in danger. He didn’t think for one second that a paranoid survivor could be any kind of hazard.

Stupid shit.

Pauscha called a lookalike, also called John. “Remember that thing you warned me about? I owe you a box of doughnuts. We need you in here with a big cup of chamomile. Yeah. Ari. There’s still a spot on the carpet.”

She was busy scrubbing it out when the other John arrived. He came bearing tea, a fresh suit, makeup and a squirt bottle with a lable that read Wet Spotter.

She got the tea off John and gave it to Ari. The last thing she needed was someone who looked a hell of a lot like John Whyte in her field of view. What she needed was time apart from the world, therapy, and someone special to help her feel safe.

She and Pauscha would get Ari out. And put up enough of a smokescreen to make sure that murder was not on the menu.

Only once everything was set up and the press was watching the other John lying around in a private retreat… they’d come back and make certain his body was ready for the state funeral following his inevitable demise.

That was what friends were for.

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Challenge #00329: Old Wars, New Combattants

Getting inventive with the dress code

There is a Galactic adage: if you want something done, tell a human it’s impossible.

Kasib Campbell had purchased the JOAT conglomerate and decided to begin bringing order to the naturally chaotic JOATs at Amalgam Station.

Shayde, somehow always by his side, was seething. She’d tried to warn him, and he’d dismissed it as one of her many mental disorders. But, right now, in this room, a Campbell had come

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Challenge #00328: ...and Wherefores

Gil took longer than most children to grow out of the “why?” stage (either Klaus or Von Pinn dealing with him at that age, you pick, I just want to see toddler!Gil and hilarity)

It was a little celebration amongst the rigger rats. They called it Family Day, and used it to remember the people they had left behind. Gil enjoyed the stories the others told but, when it came to his turn, his joyful mood fell to ash.

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Challenge #00327: A Gru-some Predicament

The minions have unionized and gone on strike

[AN: I just fell over backwards in the bathroom and did something horrible to my right arm. This fillet is being typed left-handed LIKE A BOSS. PS: it’s not broken, but it hurts like fuck]

“DE BA DO! DE BA DO!” the minions chanted, marching in circles in the underground complex that was both their workplace and their home. They carried placards with their grievances.

Alas, they were written in

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Challenge #00326: Metrics

“This homework has an unacceptably high cussing: work done ratio.”

Going to college was an eye-opening experience. Katie had seen the world, but little was more fascinating than white kids trying to be individuals when their own sphere of experience was very sadly limited.

The fact that she had become a kind of instant guru in her dorm because of her experiences was one shocker. The fact that someone had mistaken ‘in college’ for 'of age’ was

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Challenge #00325: The Unnypical

I’m tired of villains being the only representation of people who aren’t 100% mentally typical.  Show me a hero coming out as having anxiety disorder/depression/Asperger’s/something (I know not all of those are equal but you get my drift).  Show me a place in heroics for people like me, that isn’t either as a villain or locked up in an asylum, or both. (Marvelverse or DCverse would be awesome

[AN: Attempting to

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Challenge #00324: Those pesky living authors

Analysing the work of someone still living always runs the risk of “No, that’s not what I meant at all”

Page twenty. Not bad. Especially considering that she’d written it strictly for academia and not for the national newspapers. Her analysis of Hartnell’s greater literary works was getting a lot more notice than she had ever hoped for.

The phone rang. Of course she answered it.

“Hello,” said the voice on the

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Challenge #00323: But is it Art?

Toad has come along to one of Sara, Scott or anyone else’s art showings, and in this circle, his mannerisms seem to have accidentally passed him off as an expert or art critic. He’s having fun, and the artist is not sure whether to laugh at how the rich folk are swallowing all of it and buying the work, or cry at how wrong he is about certain bits.

It was one of Sara’s ‘sideshow&

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Challenge #00322: Amphibious

We haven’t heard from Todd for a while, or Mortimer, or any of your incarnations of mister Toynbee. Quick, what’s one of them doing right now?

Ha! This was the little bugger. He got it! He got the little bastard. Mortimer cackled to himself as he extracted the bug - Sammy’s pet phasmids had escaped and this one, sadly, never learned to stay out of electronics - from the system. He wrapped the sad remains in

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Challenge #00321: Cupcakes! Cupcakes! Cupcakes!

Nobody was entirely sure whether to curse the humans or begin worshipping them for introducing the cupcake to the galactic community. 

The human capacity for invention - alongside their notorious insanity, of course - knows no bounds. Therefore it should have been no surprise that both extended to their food.

Bread is universal. Leavening is not. Cake is known, and has saved some species from extinction. Fruitcake - a human seasonal delicacy - has saved civilizations.

And don’t get anyone

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Challenge #00320: Homo S. Cuisine

Considering how many toxic things humans ate, it was a little surprising that their cooking was not only edible, but delicious.

“YE-HE-HEEESSSSS! It’s here!”

The nervous Passeri crew gathered at a safe distance to watch the Ship Human - somewhere between lucky mascot and terrifying on-board entertainment - cackle and sing to herself.

They had been told that female humans were far more trainable than the males. That they were, on the whole, quieter and less dangerous than

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Challenge #00319: In Memorium

Found on a gravestone, “Name, date-date, (Killed 99 bears) We pray he has found rest”

We pray he found rest. We’re not sure, but we hope so, because nobody ever found a body, and 99 may not have been enough.

(replace bears with appropriate sentient or nonsentient species at your discretion, especially in the case of early-contact humans :P)

If any being needed any further proof of human insanity - besides ten minutes’ contact with any number

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Some questions should remain unspoken.

“I can’t believe you just said that. I am so glad they ended the call before they heard you.”

“What? It was a perfectly valid question.”

“I don’t care, it’s downright rude! And kind of disgusting.”

“But now you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

“…yes, damn you.  Next time you wonder something like ‘How do conjoined twins decide whose hand wipes

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Challenge #00317: Common Band

Different cultures, different vocal physiologies, and different mechanisms of hearing certainly make for interesting music nights.

Of all the past human phenomena that proved endlessly fascinating, the one that Rael could not turn away from was ‘channel surfing’. Every time either one of them found themselves at the other’s residence, Rael always let Shayde have the entertainment remote.

Not because she had good taste, but because what she did fascinated him.

Even the humans used to limited entertainments

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Challenge #00316: Sing-along

Humans burst into song spontaneously all the time, usually started just by one humming and becoming a little quartet or a vocalist and backing choir very suddenly.

Add in various aliens, and the somewhat macabre lyrics for the beginning of Bohemian Rhapsody

The humans called him Captain Ted. It was the closest they could get to Tyd'r'kaad and, compared to the many other things they said and did, it was only mildly annoying.

He was the first galactic captain to have

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