Instant Story

Parents just don't understand adventuring...

“You think because you killed a few dragons that you’re some kind of big man? Too big to show your elders respect? I’m your mother, I once wiped your poopy bum with my bare hands, so I’m not impressed by your antics, mister ‘vanquisher-of-armies’. Why don’t you ever visit, or at least write now and then?”

(#00834-B103)

Hrothgar the Mighty - Conquerer of All, Ruler of
the Five Kingdoms, Dragonslayer, Master of the Mighty Voice - took off
his skull helmet and hung it up. Wiped his boots, that had trodden on
the faces of his enemies, on the mat provided, and placed his mighty
sword in the hat-rack with all the umbrellas. “Sorry, mum. I got caught
up in stuff.”

“Caught up in stuff,” his mother echoed. “Caught
up in stuff.” She emerged from her work with the ever-present tea towel swirling around her hands. “You were hanging out with that gang, weren’t you?”

“Army, mother. I have armies now. And… um. I brought you some presents?”

She folded her arms. The tea towel took its perch on her shoulder. “Mm-hm.“

Hrothgar
the Mighty - Conquerer of All, Ruler of the Five Kingdoms, Dragonslayer, Master of the Mighty Voice - urgently ushered some of his
minions forwards. And rather more urgently signed that they should wipe
their feet.

“Behold! I bring you the rarest of black pearls, the
size of a man’s head! Wrenched from the grip of the Kraken at the bottom
of the deadly seas. The prized Eye of The Goddess of Light, given as a boon in a battle for her favour. The fabled Sword of Kroesos the
Conquerer, won by fighting it from his undead hands! Jewels from the
furthest realms! The rarest of cloths! Everything you could dream of.
And more!”

The mother of Hrothgar the Mighty - Conquerer of All,
Ruler of the Five Kingdoms, Dragonslayer, Master of the Mighty Voice -
pursed her lips. “You didn’t remember the dish soap at all, did you?”

Hrothgar
the Mighty - Conquerer of All, Ruler of the Five Kingdoms, Dragonslayer, Master of the Mighty Voice - smacked his forehead and
muttered, “D’oh!”

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Challenge #00833-B102: ...Okay?

This post:
http://azzandra.tumblr.com/post/116731684146/fleshwater-matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll
(list of weird things humans do like losing baby teeth to grow a second set, then:
“At some point, the aliens aren’t going to know anymore when we’re actually trolling them.
Us: Under certain circumstances, humans have been known to spontaneously develop the ability to breathe fire.
Alien: yeah, okay, that fits in with the other wacky bullshit you guys can do.”)

The humans walked out of the airlock, male and

Challenge #00832-B101: Picnic in the Park

The final holiday on Earth prompt - Author’s choice as to what the human shows their friend again, but this time everything is finally perfect.

[AN: This story happens somewhere in the middle of #00830-B099]

What
bothered Rael the most about travelling the Earth with Shayde was how easily she switched languages and habits to match her environment.

For
instance, as they marched steadily and almost silently through the Australian wilderness, she was singing an ancient song. Thousands of
years old

Challenge #00831-B100: Fun Park a la Deathworld

Holiday prompt the third! Author’s choice what the human shows their companion, as long as it goes pear-shaped

[AN: This story precedes yesterday’s]

Deathworlder entertainments are not advised for non-Deathworlders, said the Wikipedia Galactica, only the native life forms of a Deathworld can withstand even the most allegedly gentle of their entertainment vehicles. Though the Deathworlders insist that these entertainments are safe, be advised that they are only safe for Deathworlders.

Rael could easily believe, and understand those words, now.

Challenge #00830-B099: Comfort Food

The holiday continues, introducing the friend to things like non-irradiated cheese, actual lemons, and real dumplings

It started small. Well, comparatively small. A steaming curry at a van vendor, swimming in grease and overloaded with turmeric rice.

What followed was a tour of all the places that still sold unsuitable or unexportable food. Haggis, Casu marzu, Lutefisk. Pizza cones. Powdered doughnut pancake surprise. Death By Chocolate cake.

And now it finished here.

If it wasn’t the birthplace of Unsuitable Food Eat,

Challenge #00829-B098: You Can't Really Go Home

Well, at least the human was excited about the holiday, however ill-advised taking the trip to Earth with them was going to be…

“Thereitis, thereitis! Earth. Aw… it mostly looks the same…”

“I did tell you that it’s been five hundred years since your departure. Geographically, little has changed.”

“I’m goin’ tae stop in at Wales. Go see what’s happened tae home.”

Rael, a little more prepared, had tried to find Shayde’s ‘home’ on a map.

Challenge #00828-B097: Homicidally Annoying

Ethics. Of all the flaws for a crew member to have, why did it have to be ethics?

Do’jii had to wonder why he was carting this human around. Sure, his actions were often in a confounding chain of cause and effect that came out with profit at the other end, but at other times…

Like this time…

It was hard to see the profit at the other end.

“Let me understand the chain of events,” began Do’jii.

Challenge #00827-B096: Cataclysmic Server Event

Extinction Level Events are just the real worlds way of conducting a server update.

[AN: Apologies for the lateness. I got distracted.]

“Okay, so what kind of server reboot are we looking at?”

“Rocks fall, everything dies.“

“Seriously? How are the event quests even managed for that?”

“We’re
removing most, but not all of the Saurians and replacing them with Mammals. Loads of customisation possibilities with the Evolution
quests.”

“Yahuh. And what are the event quests for the Saurians?”

“Try to

Challenge #00826-B095: One Guaranteed Angel

(source)

[AN: Love and props to tkki
who does amazing art. Go follow them. Give them moneys. Also apologies if this counts as unauthorised reproduction. Image shows a humanoid
figure in black with a skull for a head. Clinging to one leg of the
large, black figure is the tiny white figure of a child]

Halloween.

Ghouls,
gosts, and lingerie-themed outfits ruled the streets. Az had put on a cheap rubber skull mask and pulled his hood up to hide the seam.

Challenge #00824-B093: Living in Interesting Times

The kid of the punch-clock hero and villain couple has an interesting life.

Her parents named her Everest. Possibly out of a desire to fit in
with the ridiculous names of their gated, elitist community. She shared a
school with three Porsche’s, two Kilimanjaro’s, and at least five kids with way too many silent Q’s in their name.

She was waiting for
the very day that she was old enough to change her name to something
blandly ordinary. Like

Challenge #00823-B092: Bad Day at the Office

A Punch-Clock Villain and Hero get married.
“Bye honey have a good day at work” “you too!”
“Muahaha I will destroy Blahtropolis!” “Not if I stop you first also here you forgot your lunch dear.”

[AN: I keep getting reminded of those old looney tunes cartoons with the punch-clock sheepdog and the wolf who looked astonishingly like Wile E. Coyote…]

“Dear… have you seen my hair thingie?”

“Didn’t you put it on the counter, last night?”

“Well if I did, it

Challenge #00822-B091: Ordinary Super

“They all think they’re six foot tall and wearing the Superman suit”. Police officer’s explanation.

They called it God Complex, and it disconnected the mind from its pain. Like GHB, it caused harm, but it also made its victims think they could do anything. And, worse, people who took it regularly… began to gain strange powers.

Which soon became a problem for the officers.

“FREEZE!”

“Don’t shoot! I’m white!”

Officer Klein blinked. It must have been a

Challenge #00821-B090: Super Ordinary

Just because you’re wearing the cape doesn’t mean you can fly.

[AN: Trigger warning for suicide mention and suicidal narrative]

Ellie had been clinging to life by her fingertips. The hardest question of her life before her. As well as the end of it. The question to be answered was… would anyone really care? Sure, for about ten minutes, she might be a splashy headline. For two hours, she’d be a job to clean up.

And the world

Challenge #00820-B089: Going Viral

:Speaking of real-life, actually-happened biological warfare development:

After deployment failed, killing only five hundred million individuals before the target population began developing immunity, development started on another attempt using a different disease. Loss of containment on that one killed ten million during testing, and let the unfinished virus into the wild.

(…The twist is it was the testing of RHD (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rabbithaemorrhagicdisease) in Aussie attempts to control the rabbit population after myxy (http://en.wikipedia.org/

Challenge #00819-B088: True Words

Beware the happy person with power tools.

There was a sign over the door to the maker-space. Warning: Happy people with power tools inside.

Shayde thought it was a joke until she stepped in. Sure, it had been a few years since she got together with fellow nerds and a bunch of tools to create something. At least, in subjective terms.

In real-time terms it had been closer to five hundred years.

The very concept of maker-spaces had changed while she was

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Parents just don't understand adventuring...

Challenge #00833-B102: ...Okay?

Challenge #00832-B101: Picnic in the Park

Challenge #00831-B100: Fun Park a la Deathworld

Challenge #00830-B099: Comfort Food

Challenge #00829-B098: You Can't Really Go Home

Challenge #00828-B097: Homicidally Annoying

Challenge #00827-B096: Cataclysmic Server Event

Challenge #00826-B095: One Guaranteed Angel

Challenge #00824-B093: Living in Interesting Times

Challenge #00823-B092: Bad Day at the Office

Challenge #00822-B091: Ordinary Super

Challenge #00821-B090: Super Ordinary

Challenge #00820-B089: Going Viral

Challenge #00819-B088: True Words