“You think because you killed a few dragons that you’re some kind of big man? Too big to show your elders respect? I’m your mother, I once wiped your poopy bum with my bare hands, so I’m not impressed by your antics, mister ‘vanquisher-of-armies’. Why don’t you ever visit, or at least write now and then?”
(#00834-B103)
Hrothgar the Mighty - Conquerer of All, Ruler of
the Five Kingdoms, Dragonslayer, Master of the Mighty Voice - took off
his skull helmet and hung it up. Wiped his boots, that had trodden on
the faces of his enemies, on the mat provided, and placed his mighty
sword in the hat-rack with all the umbrellas. “Sorry, mum. I got caught
up in stuff.”
“Caught up in stuff,” his mother echoed. “Caught
up in stuff.” She emerged from her work with the ever-present tea towel
swirling around her hands. “You were hanging out with that gang,
weren’t you?”
“Army, mother. I have armies now. And… um. I brought you some presents?”
She folded her arms. The tea towel took its perch on her shoulder. “Mm-hm.“
Hrothgar
the Mighty - Conquerer of All, Ruler of the Five Kingdoms,
Dragonslayer, Master of the Mighty Voice - urgently ushered some of his
minions forwards. And rather more urgently signed that they should wipe
their feet.
“Behold! I bring you the rarest of black pearls, the
size of a man’s head! Wrenched from the grip of the Kraken at the bottom
of the deadly seas. The prized Eye of The Goddess of Light, given as a
boon in a battle for her favour. The fabled Sword of Kroesos the
Conquerer, won by fighting it from his undead hands! Jewels from the
furthest realms! The rarest of cloths! Everything you could dream of.
And more!”
The mother of Hrothgar the Mighty - Conquerer of All,
Ruler of the Five Kingdoms, Dragonslayer, Master of the Mighty Voice -
pursed her lips. “You didn’t remember the dish soap at all, did you?”
Hrothgar
the Mighty - Conquerer of All, Ruler of the Five Kingdoms,
Dragonslayer, Master of the Mighty Voice - smacked his forehead and
muttered, “D’oh!”
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