Humans are Insane

A 189-post collection

Challenge #01292-C197: The Best Place by the Fire

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/146903793739/my-fever-thoughts-the-last-two-days

There's got to be one species that's impressed by storytelling even if it's not solely humanity's "thing" in amalgam -- Gallifreya

One good thing you can plausibly state about humans is that time spent with them is never boring. Of course, that was their chief combination of blessing and curse. They were never boring.

Most species took to space for reasons of economy. Things on their homeworld were no longer easy to obtain. Yet there were metals in abundance out in space. Few at all went to see what was there.

And rarest of all were the ones who went because of stories. And not just the stories told by those who stopped by accident on their planets. No. The stories they made up themselves about what might be out there. The stories that held mirrors up to themselves. The stories that gave themselves hope for a better future. Or the stories that made them laugh when they thought all hope of laughter was lost.

They came in space ships. They came in the cargo-holds or the spare berths of vessels headed for the next port. They learned Galstand and picked up trinkets. And they told stories. Of ancient deeds of valour, of brave souls surmounting all the odds. Of dumb luck and favour from the gods. Of clever minds examining all the clues. Of love, loss, betrayal, and victory.

Galactic Society was in awe. They could invent new stories at the spur of the moment. They could take in old tales and twist them about. They collected culture and they passed it on. Some sang. Some rhymed. Some just told interesting stories about fantastic places, of beasts, of treasure, and of heroes.

Humans weren't allowed to set foot in Galactic Alliance space. Not properly. Never officially. They remained on the outskirts, in the places too far away to enforce and too lawless to bother. But wherever four Spacers clustered around to swap tales over something fermented and slightly toxic, there was one of the Humans. Spilling words out of their mouths and turning air into Hours.

It took the Galactics quite a few years to learn that the phrase 'silver tongue' was a metaphor. It took some species quite a long time to learn about metaphors. And by the time they did, humans were among the first Deathworlders to join the Galactic Alliance.

And restaurants who knew their business always kept a comfortable chair in the corner with the best acoustics. And let the storytellers run up a tab.

(Muse food remaining: 12. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01287-C192: So Like Immunity

The immune system is constantly walking the razor thin edge between doing sweet fuck all and killing you as collateral damage in an apocalyptic war. -- RecklessPrudence

They said that humans were much like their own immune system. Q'voth took that to mean that they were proof against anything that wanted to kill them. There was no way that a direct attack would work.

Therefore, Q'voth played the long game. Ingratiating her people with the humans. Infiltrating their everyday life. Whittling away

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Challenge #01283-C188: Steep Learning Curve

Names of recordings of training scenarios.

"Ode to places a cutting torch should never go"

"Three drones, one airlock and no sense"

And the cautionary tale about plasma torches, hypergolic fuel and explosive decompression simply entitled: "Don't" -- RecklessPrudence

Human training videos were baffling. They seemed designed to entertain, but also contained the full, gruesome consequences in order to horrify their audience into learning the lesson.

Newbies, it seemed, were suicidally incompetent. Sometimes, they were also homicidally so. And chief amongst their

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Challenge #01266-C171: He's Just a Softie, Really

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/145552354602/iamacutetiger-cosmictuesdays-pilgrimkitty

Captain Steve and his horgler -- Anon Guest

Humans will pet anything. It is a fact as true as their renowned insanity. They get reward through tactile contact and it is part of their pack-bonding process. Almost nothing, short of losing their arm on contact, will stop them.

The only thing that has stopped them in the past is knowledge of the frailty of the thing they wish to touch.

Humans stopped by planetary station

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Challenge #01227-C132: No Way Out

:From a former loose cannon/maverick's inner monologue:

But they were in a position of authority now, and for some reason that meant they didn't get to have their way anymore. -- Recklessprudence

Blaize Hartley hadn't meant to become a hero. It just sort of happened that way. She leaped in where angels would fear to hear about and winged it from there. She had an extreme knack for getting herself both into and out of the most ridiculous of pickles.

Including

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Challenge #01222-C127: Phrases of Doom

Person #1: Do not worry! I will fix it...

Person #2: You know, [Name], there are certain phrases in our language - such as that one - that simply cannot imply a good outcome. Do you know what I mean?

Person #1: Wow! This really DOES bond skin instantly!

Person #2: Good example. -- RecklessPrudence

Certain phrases imply impending doom. Whenever someone says, "What else can go wrong?" the universe is likely to answer with a supremely painful example.

Whenever a human

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Challenge #01194-C099: Close Encounter of the Petting Kind

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/141217786307/cosmictuesdays-trynottodrown-zooophagous -- Gallifreya

The problem was that there were humans on this planet, too. The bigger problem was that there were more of them than there were charges in Braxxyx's stunner.

The only plus side was that the humans didn't know this. Or that the stunner was non-lethal. Humans were dangerous to begin with. They were aggressive if they thought you were deadly.

Do not shoot at humans, they are dangerous when offended.

Braxxyx pointed her

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Challenge #01160-C065: Weird is Universal

A person is the only member of their species in a group, so a lot of their behaviour is passed off as "must be a (species) thing."

Then they meet up with the others and it turns out no, none of them do that, it's a Dave thing. -- Gallifreya

In the interests of diplomacy, crews from various species' crew have been shared out into other species' vessels. I think the Galactic Alliance is trying to engender familiarity with others as a

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Challenge #01080-B348: It Used to be a Good Shortcut...

Person #1: You're talking about shoving me in a torpedo and launching me at a planet!

Person #2: Details! Now shut up and get in there. -- RecklessPrudence

"No," said Rael. "I'm a little tired of being treated like some immensely indestructible thing for everyone else's convenience."

"But you are a-- mmmumf mmmf mfflmmff."

"Blakely. Can it." The captain took a deep breath. "You're right. We should have consulted you. But these Sargasso-style pirates have rigged it so that only the smallest

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