Menu

Subscribe

Dear Diary

A 3685-post collection

So I went and saw _The Mummy_ yesterday

Beloved is still a fan of Tom "gone completely gonzo" Cruise for reasons that I do not understand. And I have to say that Universal really should have stayed with the Brendan Fraser Mummy movies because those were made of awesome. Well. The first one was made of awesome. The rest had increasing concentrations of suck.

You all know about the 'sweet spots' in the movie frame, thanks to the links I put into yesterday's rant about Pervy Cam. Well, let me tell you a thing.

Two women in the film. One of them is the baddie. The baddie spends all of her time getting more flesh on her bones and less in the way of clothing on her flesh. The other lady on the screen is the blonde love interest who says it with a punch to the jaw during her first on screen moments, then debates about Tom's sex prowess in front of strangers.

She proceeds to forgive him and show an interest in him as a person by the third act. WITH ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO DO SO. Our antihero even tells her that he thought there was a way to save himself as well, and she thinks that's funny. UGH.

But the point I wanted to make was: she and the baddie girl both spend practically all of their onscreen moments with their breasts, hips, or both landing squarely on those sweet spots.

They even found an excuse to highlight Baddie Gal's naked bum on multiple occasions thanks to unnecessary flashbacks. It's like, YO GUYS CHECK IT OUT SHE SUMMONS SATAN IN THE NUDE HUHUHUHUHUHUHUH...

I'd rather get a time refund so I can go watch Wonder Woman again than this tired and overdone piece of crap. The spectacle is fine, but the Pervy Cam and the Bad Romance and the complete lack of FUN in the movie just... drain everything away.

Also I laughed because some of Doctor Jekyll's1 scary displays of random medical crap also included some definite obstetric equipment. Look for the forceps in the display cases, if you watch this movie, boys and girls. Laugh at it with me.

AND they claimed that Set is the Egyptian God of Death when he's actually in charge of deserts and disorder. It's Anubis who's the God of Death. They could have at least done SOME homework. I mean, shit. Thirty seconds and Google could have written some better Egyptology than that.

Even Our Heroine, who has allegedly studied Egyptology, didn't lampshade that the Ancient Egyptians frikkin' NEVER made a statue or a likeness with an open mouth. Like what the shit? That should have been an easy throw-away line.

Oh yeah, and all the Egyptians are pale. Again. Ugh... Sometimes, I could kick Hollywood.

  1. I'm not kidding. They shoehorned Doctor fucking Jekyll into this train wreck. ↩

Tropes That Annoy Me: Pervy Cam

It's in every romcom. It sometimes appears when the Action Gal cleans up for some undercover espionage at some high-ticket gala. It's definitely there when the lead female in any procedural drama has a flashy new outfit.

The camera pans from her shoes, lovingly framing her torso, and cuts away within a few seconds of seeing her expression so the viewers can see the extended look of awe/appreciation on the person viewing her1.

That's just one trick of Pervy Cam.

Read more »

Tropes That Annoy Me: Incredible Age Gap

Of all the romance tropes that exist, it's the older-guy, twenty-something gal that's the most irritating, and it ties directly to this trope here. Men get old, women get replaced.

It's almost as if all women are worth is how good they look. This is evidenced in all the post-makeover shots where the camera lovingly pans up the beautified girl in question from the tips of her toes... but doesn't always make it all the way to her face.

I call it

Read more »

Tropes That Annoy Me: Surprise Sex

We've all seen that movie. Action Guy and Action Gal or Damsel Gal do not get along for the entire firkin movie. Except near the third act when they kiss for no good reason and then suddenly have sex.

Sometimes, they don't even kiss. They just go at each other in a sudden and unexpected display of lust.

It's so far out of left field that it's circumnavigated the globe and come in from the right field.

And it's supremely annoying.

Especially

Read more »

Round Round Run Around...

I'm run around...

For some reason, the post office likes to send you texts about your parcel WAY after they're closed. Maybe they're arsehats. I dunno. But this morning's trail of confusion also involves a trip to North Lakes to get the parcel I don't even remember ordering.

Nothing I've put into the works has shipped yet, as I recall...

Anyway, I will find out what it is soon enough. My flight path coincides with opening hours, so I'll see what I

Read more »

Tropes That Annoy Me: Black Dude Dies First

For those who haven't realised the predominance of dead Tokens, read here first in which the token black guy [and sometimes black gal] gets a target drawn on them the instant the Big Bad is out to get the good guys.

Running along side Bury Your Gays, the audience is pretty much trained to expect anyone not cis, het, and white to bite the big one when the stakes are raised. They apparently deserve it for not being cishet white people.

It's

Read more »

Still recovering

At least I have the energy to stay awake for most of the day now. A day that I plan to spend on very little that's productive in a meaningful way.

So you get a story out of me and then I vanish into Minecraft to maybe finish the sorting system in my personal world.

Later on in the day, we'll gather around a warm TV set to watch Doctor Who and maybe catch up on Steven Universe. If our downloading system

Read more »

Officially buggered

So after yesterday's chronicled shenanigans, I had like $15 cash left because new license, which was just enough, including the change I had with, to purchase Friday's knackwurst.

I had to write Friday's 1000 words whilst waiting for Miss Chaos, and almost forgot she had to see the dentist. That subsequent side trip also involved me getting back into my clothes in a goshdurn hurry.

Check-up looked good. All there is to worry about is a minor inflamation around the gums, for

Read more »

Commedia dell'errata

I have had a really messed-up day so far. Which has lead to the title of this blog entry.

So far today:

  • Mayhem decided to spend LITERALLY all night playing games instead of sleeping so he was completely unprepared for school
  • I found out that Mayhem also manages to spend $1K/month on data usage with his mobile
  • Which lead to an entire morning talking about responsibility and how much he needs to think ahead before he does a thing.
  • On the
Read more »

Tropes That Annoy Me: Bury Your Gays

Here's the link to educate yourself, but if you don't want to be bothered with the wiki walk: It begain in the Heteronormative 40's and 50's when people realised that women (a) actually do have sex drives, and (b) those spinsters sharing a house and a bunch of cats were doing way more than knitting and watching television together.

This is around about the time that Tragic Girl Romances began to come out in the pulp zines1 in which the heroine

Read more »

Drama Llama, go away...

So let's recap on some of my most recent stressors:

  • Chaos falls over and bumps her tooth
  • Grandma wouldn't shut up about how this would definitely lead to a lifetime of mouth abscesses
  • The rising population of right-wing nutjobs who want to make a certain group of religious devotees illegal, thus playing into the hands of..
  • The rising population of pseudo-religious devotee nutjobs who want to blow everyone else up
  • My own mother sending me a "non-complimentary" beta-read instalment... and then insisting
Read more »

What do I do to myself?

Roughly 12:30 AM, this morning. I wake up to the sensation of Beloved getting up in the literal middle of the night to go do something. I even heard the bedroom door open and close.

So after half an hour of trying to get back to sleep, I send Beloved a "WTF" text and really work at trying to slumber. In another half hour I roll over to discover Beloved by my side as if they had always been there. Sound

Read more »

Achievement Unlocked:

Figuring out how Sections and resettable page numbers work in Pages. All this necessary so that numbers don't turn up on the preface pages of the print version of Kung Fu Zombies. When that's done, I get to do all the jiggery-pokery necessary to make sure my name and the book's name is actually legible on the spine.

And only THEN can I shill the fuck out of this noise and hope that more than one person buys it. [Dear lovely person

Read more »

Tropes That Annoy Me: Hypergendered Fat

Think about all the overweight people represented in our media. Now think about all the overweight main characters. What do they have in common?

Well, if they're not Jack Black, who can actually get away with the Overweight Antihero, then they are excruciatingly well-dressed. Neat as the proverbial pin.

The ladies (far rarer than the men) are aggressively cute. The stand-out example is Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds. She is the girliest of girly girls, despite being in a STEM discipline. Every

Read more »

Smol Dramas

Once again, I have to rant about a few things because life is hellishly inconvenient and everything costs too much and I slightly want to scream.

First up - ISBNs.

So I was thinking that once you got an ISBN for one book, you could use the same ISBN for the SAME CONTENT. I couldn't find anything about this on Lulu, but Smashwords insisted on one, so I thought I'd better check with Lulu just to be sure.

And dummins me went

Read more »