Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Challenge #00544 - A169: The Fine Print

If you’re going to make a year-long agreement, you’d better be sure you know whose year you’re using.

“What do you mean I’m still under contract?” Terry demanded. She tried not to make a fist around all her vital documents. “It says five years. It’s been five years. And forty-eight hours, and that’s only because it took that long to get all the forms filled out.”

“I’m very sorry, but they’re not local years.” The clerk, a quiet and inherently nervous Lorraine, looked just about ready to cry in sympathy. “This codicil, here, stipulates that the contract is using the definition of ‘year’ according to the drafting lawyer’s planet of origin.”

“Okay… so where’s that lawyer from?”

Takatta takatta takatta. “Oh no. Oh, no… I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry… The company you signed on with? They exclusively use Ghiishemite lawyers.”

“Let me guess,” Terry braced herself for the inevitable, metaphorical impact. “Ghiishem has a really long calendar.”

Cogniscents waiting to gain access to the Visitor Help Centre flinched at the outraged scream of “SIX HUNDRED AND FORTY-FIVE DAYS?”

Terry waited once again for Lorraine to dawn over the cusp of her desk.

“Sorry. You still have three Standard years, two weeks and three days on your contract. If you’d like? I could help you contact the Cogniscent Rights Commission? They have a standing Class Action Suit against contracts like this one?”

Three more years. Three more flakking years. And two weeks and three Powers-cursed days. “Oh yes,” she said. “Oh yes please. I would love to talk to the Cogniscent Rights’ Commission about this one.”

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For sale now at Smashwords! Available in other good eBook stores later. They had caught some alive. Raven boggled. He was entirely un-used...

For sale now at Smashwords! Available in other good eBook stores later.

They had caught some alive.

Raven boggled. He was entirely un-used to chicken with its feathers still on. Or, for that matter, one that wasn’t in tasty chunks and bathed in sauce, presented on a bed of rice or with vegetables.

The first surprise, other than its volume was ear-splitting, was its size. There was less of it than a cat, but it had a cry of a

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If you only buy one eBook this year… buy this one! Simy forgot to simulate breathing, watching with all the other aides in the...

If you only buy one eBook this year… buy this one!

Simy forgot to simulate breathing, watching with all the other aides in the security room. The other three were merely holding their breaths.

They only breathed again when the sound of running water emanated from the tiny bathroom off one side of the cell.

“What is she doing?” demanded the Maq'eck. “She’s meat. Raw, fresh and tender.”

“Yes, but she also has Tarqa&

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Yours for the low, low price of anything you want! 365 stories, prompted by people like you. Readers all over the internet gave me every...

Yours for the low, low price of anything you want!

365 stories, prompted by people like you. Readers all over the internet gave me every kind of nonsense they could carefully concoct in an effort to stump me and got every kind of marvellous prose.

Now in a format where you don’t have to scroll through endless reblogs, ranting, and flamewars!

What would you pay for a years’ worth of work?

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Yours for only $2.99 at Smashwords! Even the spacious Othersider ships were getting crowded. Sahra watched from her safe space, protected...

Yours for only $2.99 at Smashwords!

Even the spacious Othersider ships were getting crowded.

Sahra watched from her safe space, protected from the germs of the abandoned humans below her window by uncounted airlocks and hallways. She made sure she stood at the right hand of Lord High Admiral Saviour King Django Ali. And she made sure he was wearing a more comfortable replica of his golden thorn crown.

At least she’d learned Mama’s trick of talking

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For sale now at Smashwords! There was a stall selling icons, on the way back to her home/farm. Most of them were of the Saviour doing...

For sale now at Smashwords!

There was a stall selling icons, on the way back to her home/farm. Most of them were of the Saviour doing miraculous things. Calling down yellow rain on the Tu'att. Making the walls bleed. All the miracles that had happened both before and after the Othersiders came.

One stood out.

The Saviour blessing a little girl in a gold sheath. Pointing to the angel of death and making that angel shrink away.

Except…

The way

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OUT NOW AT SMASHWORDS! Get the whole trilogy! Graak finally levered the last corner loose from the air vent, only to discover another...

OUT NOW AT SMASHWORDS! Get the whole trilogy!

Graak finally levered the last corner loose from the air vent, only to discover another grille, just behind it.

Damn Yoomins!

This had to be a trick to erode his morale. For all he knew, freedom lay on the other side of this grille. He ground his talons into the gaps, trying to get the metal to either wear away or bend. He was so devoted to it that he almost didn’t

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Yours for only $2.99 at Smashwords! Django would, when he was cross, throw his weight around. Raven often complained, when he wasn’t...

Yours for only $2.99 at Smashwords!

Django would, when he was cross, throw his weight around. Raven often complained, when he wasn’t prone to parody. And right now the prospect of becoming the Saviour of five systems worth of humans was making him fairly angry indeed.

“Do you have any idea what my people did to me?” he demanded. “They gave me a golden crown of thorns! They made me king of an island that nobody

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Now available to buy at Smashwords! Hevun fell Those words could not be censored out of existence because they passed at the speed of...

Now available to buy at Smashwords!

Hevun fell

Those words could not be censored out of existence because they passed at the speed of panic. From mouth to mouth. By filthy human trader and pristine Tu'att military vessel. Whispered in hallways, shouted at deaf grandmothers, passed in code by those who feared it being read by other eyes.

Even by flickering human fingers behind their Tu'atta masters’ backs.

Hevun fell to human rebels.

They had the Majestrix.

Undisputed ruler of six

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Challenge #00529 - A154: The Problem With Tired Old Plots

Free day!

There are a certain number of possible reactions to finding out that one is temporarily invisible and inaudible to the rest of the crew aboard the vessel you all share.

FUCK!” is in the top ten.

So is, “This is a plot from a bad science fiction series!”

As well as a solid string of curses old and new.

Jabrelle went through the entire top ten before she settled down and attempted to get a grip. She wouldn’t have

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Challenge #00524 - A149: That Ole Time Religion

“All hail the sun god, he is the fun god. Ra! Ra! Ra!”

“Gimmie a Q! Gimmie a U! Gimmie an E-T-Z! Gimmie an A! Gimmie an L! Gimmie a C-O-A-T-L! Whadduzit spell?”

“Quetzalcoatl!”

“Whadduzit spell?”

“Quetzalcoatl!”

“Give hearts! And blood! To make the rain! Why do we love ‘im? We might be insane!”

YYYYAAAAAAAAYYYY!

“Zeus! Zeus! He’s our man! If he can’t do it, Hera can!

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Challenge #00522 - A147: Sympathy for the Monster

Rule of Fiction 13: Any monster, fictional or real, will have a romance written about it, often one where it turns out to be “not that bad”. A lot will be absurdly well-written and thought out, and a lot will be barely-readable trash.

Pre-Amity humans and Galactic Alliance again, I’d rather see well written (because your stuff is always well written) but there’s always the Twilight in Space option if you feel like it

[AN: The problem with any Twilight

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