Amalgam Universe

Tossing Cows: The act of thoroughly derailing a train of thought, deliberately or not.

Yubsid was meant to be clerking. It was relatively mindless copy-work. Input this data into those fields. Nothing much in the way of brain power, just check that the right data was in the right place and mark the last entry so she didn’t get confused.

When she took a miniature health break to stretch herself or ensure that her digits got all their requisite exercise, she would muse absently about life in general and nothing in particular.

Except… whenever she really thought about things… Her neighbour Kerin got… talkative.

Just yesterday, she’d been stretching and thinking about the nature of light and space and time, and what it might look like if her cubicle was travelling at the speed of light… and then Kerin popped her head around the wall.

“Hey, do you have a stapler?”

“…huh?” Yubsid shook herself. The visions in her mind forgotten in the face of an otherwise friendly face.

“Stapler. I need one. You got it?”

“Oh. Yeah. Sure.” Yubsid got it out and handed it over. And then went back to work.

There were thousands like her in the corporation. Carefully placed next to their very own Kerin type.

The management had figured out how to isolate the kinds of people who derailed any train of thought. Thusly, their productivity skyrocketed.

Such a pity that the innovation rate was plummeting through the floor.

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They had never expected to be able to describe someone speaking as booming hesitantly, but that’s exactly what it sounded like.

The Ambassador for Gargantua was large, even for large cogniscents. He could easily intimidate a terran bear. He was all muscle and looked like he could conquer the universe.

And he was about to make his introductory speech.

“Er…” he boomed. “My name… is… Um. Grigri. Yes. Uh. I… was… an asteroid

Humans may be rendered almost catatonic by careful scritches in the correct place - under the cranial hair, behind the ears and along the spine.

Important note: Although this technique can turn almost any human docile, 70% of the time it also makes it harder to escape, as ceasing the technique can lead to your human grabbing one of your limbs, even when partially asleep. As a human’s grip is nigh unbreakable even at rest, it is advised you use this

“I like women who are old enough to have had a little experience, and still young enough to want a little more.”

“Seriously?” said Shayde. “That’s what yer goin’ with today?”

“Oops. I thought you were older. It’s the hair. Not that there’s anything wrong with your hair. Ah crap. If I try to eat my foot, would it get less uncomfortable?”

“Ah, na. Keep diggin&

Earth is one of a very few planets with a moon large and close enough to cause full eclipses. This will change as it gradually moves further away, but until then it’d probably be something people travel to see.

The ship full of tourists was directly under the moon shadow, of course. In a few minutes, it would be, once again, able to view the spectacle.

Lots of habitable planets had moons, of course. Some had sister planets to share their

“For some reason, whenever there is any number of humans in an open enough space, with enough raw materials, something will be set on fire. And something will inevitably be produced to cook over said fire, or at least hold over it on a stick and gently smoulder if there’s nothing edible available.”

The human was handy to have around. Deathworlders thought nothing of going into places that -for example- Brookessiin like Riik were loath to tread.

This one

Bear in mind this is a language where the word for “mess about with a small object and see if it does something” also means “play the violin”

“We have three different kinds of ‘moose’ and two are spelled the same,” argued Vic.

“Things went to crap when we switched to the phonetic alphabet. The entire context-necessary spelling convention has lead to unnecessary over-explanation.”

“I don’t like all the pronouns,” grumbled Jake.

The difference between a goose and a swan: A goose will chase at the drop of a hat and proceed to peck and bruise if it gets you. A swan will only attack if threatened, but can break bones.

“That’s ridiculous,” said a student in the middle of Allegedly Quiet Reading Time.

“Do you need assistance?” asked Mr Myss, Learning Advocate.

“This is an objectionable description of avians,” protested Yokk. “It assumes the

The most ridiculously evolved trait of a human: The itchiness of newly healed skin.

“This area is almost finished repairing. I now have the unbearable urge to claw at it.”

The human in the next bay was rubbing at her bandages. She was rubbing with her knuckles and grimacing.

“Most people use talon for scratch,” said Pu'rii, edging a little further away from the human. Well. As far as she could get on a not-so-spacious hospital bed.

“

Pre-Amity, a human and other cogniscient get stuck in some relatively small space together, say a room that both find out the hard way only opens from the outside. Rescue is on its way, but until then…

They tell some pretty wild tales in Scavenger Bars. This is just one of them…

Hor'tik had been stripping wire. It had been a long trip already and it was that or mass credit. If he stayed out any longer, he’d have

Breaking bones is a death sentence for other cogniscients, so how unlikely is it that anyone has encountered someone missing a digit or limb, unless they were born missing it?

Jokes using one’s prosthetics (probably more advanced in the group that lives long enough to need them) optional.

[AN: Some species are more fragile than others. Havenworlders are particularly delicate. And it’s notably the Birds for whom broken bones are fatal]

The cogniscent trapped with her in the stalled

The universal phenomenon of chasing the laser pointer dot.

“Stay there. When I say ‘run’ you leg it.”

Barstaw boggled at the human. Their colourful phrases had no discernible end… and yet they were instantly understandable. For all her deathworlder status, she was extremely helpful to have around for this escape.

She hunkered down, ready to run at the door that was currently being supervised by one very bored guard. Barstaw half expected the human to happen

 ”The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is so culturally engrained now that starting it is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away…

Open Mic Night at the Tunnel Cafe…

It was where many a young performer honed their act before taking it further out into the open. People came here to steal other people’s jokes. People came here with dreams of stardom. And Shayde came here, apparently, to hold a guitar and tell jokes.

Having done some research