Amalgam Universe

A 2298-post collection

Challenge #00754 - B023: What is Dog?

After other species have somewhat adjusted to the whole “vicious predator” == “family pet” thing, they run into this:



That is a predator larger than an adult human, whose head is roughly that man’s torso’s size.

He is a descendant of one of the scariest predators in the world casually flopped on the couch and he loves belly rubs and ear scritches and is just a big fluffy goofball that loves mauling tennis balls - well, maybe volleyballs are more appropriate, given his size.

If his master ever truly pissed him off, he could casually crush his skull, but he doesn’t because he loves him.

And humans think he’s adorable and fluffy. The reaction is not  “HOLY SHIT THAT THING’S HUGE, WATCH OUT!”, but rather “aw, he’s so cute! I wanna wrestle with him, and hug him, and call him George”.

[Image shows a man sharing a couch with a dog large enough to be twice his mass]

The humans’ pet carnivores were beginning to diversify. The cats generally stayed the same size, though there were some that varied in key aspects, but not so alarmingly as the dogs.

There were tiny ones roughly able to menace a keet. And the ‘normal’ size of dog that managed to make newcomer Numidid nervous despite their friendly demeanour.

And then there was George.

George was larger than some of the horses in Wiwazheer. Well… definitely larger than Tyrtyr’s shrunken steed. And larger than some of the other ponies that the humans had. He trotted alongside his human like an impossible thing. Yet he was real.

He could, T'reka couldn’t help thinking, easily predate on the human or her children. He could definitely predate on any Numidid in the colony. Yet, when the gigantic canine came up to her, it limited itself to sniffing.

T'reka froze, concentrating on her Science Breathing, as the mouth of a predator investigated the air around her. She let George sniff her knuckles and nervously massaged an ear as she’d been taught with smaller dogs.

The effect was exactly the same. The dog recognised her as an ally and not prey. Leaning into her touch and knocking her off her feet.

Dog big enough for make saddle,” she said, learning how to brace herself against George’s affections.

The human laughed. She was one of the ones who had learned not to show her teeth to Numidid. Lyn. “For bird, be likely,” she answered, patting her dog on the ribs. “We could train dog for Numidid saddle.”

Being remember Terra poem of Lady from Niger,” T'reka answered. “No wanting ride of predator.”

“Much wise,” Lyn the human clicked to George and he came to heel. “Bird be afraid, predators. Not train good.”

The children swarmed over the enormous dog. Hugging him or scratching various areas of his enormous, fluffy body. “Human make dog this big… make for what?

Lyn shrugged. “Make for sing loud? Self not knowing.”

Humans had to be insane.

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Challenge #00752 - B021: Tea Solves Everything

Apparently there was an old prank tv show that faked an alien landing on an English lady’s front lawn. Her immediate reaction was to offer them tea.

Your prompt is the same scenario except it’s a real ship and a couple of extraterrestrials who had to make an emergency landing instead of a prank.

Somewhere east of Cricklewood…

There was no fire. Just a sad hissing of water vapour and the gentle ‘pink pink’ noise of cooling

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Challenge #00751 - B020: When is a Troll Not a Troll?

*LOUD ANGRY-* Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so used to people getting it wrong it’s a reflex by now.

There are certain phrases that are bound to get a reaction from any fandom. Things like, “Star Trek… that’s the one with Doctor Spock, right?” or confusing Star Trek with Star Wars. Proclaiming the love for an almost universally-hated character is a good one. And for those who follow All My Daughters, the phrase, “Why

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Challenge #00748 - B017: Informed Decision

Keeping the groups that sing “Under Pressure” and “Ice Ice Baby” apart turns out not to be the hard part - the hard part is choosing which area to stay with. Do you want the eerie whispering, or the sudden heart attack?

[AN: For those wondering where this prompt came from, check out story #171 in One Leap Year of Instants, available for whatever you want on Smashwords. Please choose to pay a dollar value for this anthology]

Humans were strange creatures.

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Comparative...Let's Say 'Humor'

Shortly after encountering the Numidid, someone makes the inevitable “Numididn’t” joke. 

(#00744 - B013)

“I am Numidid,” said Ambassador Su'sin, offering her hand.

The newly-minted Ambassador for the Consortium of Steam immediately struck a pose and said, “Oh nu-mi-di-en’t…”

One of the other members of the Consortium of Steam smacked hirself in the face at that. “We’re being ambassadors, today…”

“I don’t understand,” pleaded Su'sin.

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Challenge #00742 - B011: You Stole What?

To paraphrase Die Hard:

“Now I have a Death Star. Ho Ho Ho.”

“This is your claim. A dwarf planet in a Sargasso. Big whoop.”

“It’s not a dwarf planet,” said Lenn Ybalius. She was busy watching her controls and making certain she piloted her way in on certain vectors.

“Oh, you hijacked a moon,” singsonged Prella. She had a low opinion of her business partner. “That’s above your usual standards.

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Challenge #00741 - B010: Not Quite MST3K

“Guys! Guys! I have a loaded machine pistol in my hand and I have no idea what I’m doing!”

Shayde giggled. “Awright. That one had a point. The goal is tae make fun of the movie, not the common hollywood tropes, ye ken.”

“It’s still fun,” argued a SPOEn who called herself Molly Ringwald.

“Aye, it is tha’.” She pointed at the screen. “BOOM! Take a shot!” She

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Challenge #00739 - B008: Havenworlders V Humans

Hypothetically, a universe where keratin (our hair and fingernails) is a rare and valuable resource. Accounting for the sugar walls from a previous story it would potentially be considered a strong, nonreactive material.

Seeing humans with it on must be like watching someone walk around with steel-tipped claws and spun-titanium jewellery. Yeah it’s a small fortune but a) the person it’s attached to must be scary as all get-out and b) it’s practically a weapon in its own

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Challenge #00737 - B006: Fighting Words

“Veni Ad Me Frat”, Latin for “Come At Me, Bro”.

Shayde sighed as Rael caught her out again. “No? How about ‘non me tracagnum’?”

“Don’t beat me,” said Rael. “How about you stop pulling your Hackmeyer strategies, lay off the BS, and talk like a scientist to these people?”

“It’s hard,” Shayde whined. “I’m too used tae no’ being listened

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Challenge #00736 - B005: Do We Need Them?

A friend and I, up in tropical Queensland on holiday - land of my birth. We are being buzzed by flies large enough to need Air Traffic Control, and slowly being drained of blood by the clouds of mozzies. The following conversation does not reflect any of my actual views. It was borne of frustration and humour.

Me: -slap- Hey, do we need flies for anything? Like, do they perform a vital role in the ecosystem or something?
Friend (amused): Yeah, I

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T'reka stood, arms akimbo and wing-feathers out, as the supervising technician made certain all of her straps were on correctly and...

T'reka stood, arms akimbo and wing-feathers out, as the supervising technician made certain all of her straps were on correctly and snugly.

“Remember, DO NOT FLAP,” the technician reminded her above the engine noise of the Flight Machine. “This pack has its own glider-wings, and any flapping on your part will disrupt the steering mechanisms and put you in the ocean!”

“Understood!” T'reka chirped.

“We’re going to drop you in five.”

Four.

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Did you know? You can read all about one innocent explorer’s close encounter with these dangerous creatures in The Amity...

Did you know? You can read all about one innocent explorer’s close encounter with these dangerous creatures in The Amity Incident!

Buy this book! Your survival depends on it!

READ! The thrilling tale of T'reka the Inquisitive!

THRILL! At the baffling and bizarre habits of humans!

FUND! This impoverished author so ze can afford to write more thrilling adventures!

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