Amalgam Universe

A 2284-post collection

Challenge #00899-B168: Rule of Innocence

Murphy’s law of Babies: When you look away for two seconds and your child has absconded, it will invariably be found in whatever situation would cause the quickest messy death or most political upheaval if an adult were in the same situation.

Luckily children can get away with anything by virtue of being children, and will not be immediately vaporised for hiding behind Graknor, Conqueror of Galaxies’ legs.

Sahra let her toddler go so she could tuck herself back in. Poor little Amba was having trouble with her solids and the perpetual search for something she could chew - besides Sahra’s nipples - was ongoing and arduous.

It was the other reason she brought Amba with her, this Meet. So she could see the best of the Galactic doctors and finally, finally, figure out what was going wrong.

Nobody had commented about her temporary exposure. But then, she wasn’t the only ambassador nurturing their young.

Unfortunately, her young was the only one going straight up to a Level Six Deathworlder’s spiked-armour boots.

Klacid the Conqueror of H’radiss, ruler of worlds, devastator of enemies…. did not notice Amba until the tiny girl threw up on his shiny shoes.

He stopped, mid-speech, and picked up the child. Sahra, already halfway towards the scene, inadvertently blurted her baby’s name. It was bad form to interrupt an Ambassador’s  Introduction, but she wasn’t thinking clearly by then.

No mother at the Meet would blame her.

“What do you do, little scrap?” said Klacid the Conquerer. “This is the origin of the mighty humans?”

And then Amba grabbed hold of and bit his poking finger. Using all four of her sharp, new teeth.

Worlds could have died.

Sahra disengaged Amba with profuse apologies.

“Num num num,” said Amba. “Bas’da Numnum.”

O God… no. Sahra managed a pained rictus as she tried to retreat in a dignified manner to her appointed seat. Simy, one minute too late from running messages to the Mythos table, fielded Amba to place her in her playpen.

“She is a warrior,” crowed Klacid the Conqueror. “She has drawn blood before she has picked up her first weapon!” He roared with laughter. “These humans are admirable. I like them.”

It was only later that science would discover that H’radiss blood had an enzyme that Amba could not produce herself. Klacid merrily volunteered to bleed for her, and was very disappointed that the medtechs could not only synthesise the enzyme for Amba, but infect her with retrogenes that would fix the problem.

[Muse food remaining: 14. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Challenge #00898-B167: Rule of Cute

Observation: The more fragile a species is, the less danger it is in (physically) from the humans. The ones that can withstand them are treated aggressively and with much suspicion, and the dainty little ones are coddled and cooed over. And petted if the humans can get away with it.

[AN: Just FYI, not all Havenworlders are tiny. But loads of them are]

It should have been an ordinary shortcut. Just a quick dash home to pick up her LifeAlert bracelet. She

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Challenge #00897-B166: Adult Onset Responsibility

So if the first person to contact another world is automatically ambassador, what happens if an accident involves first contact being between the alien civilisation and Bigot McAssface, who would fit right in on that Greater Deregulation. Specifically, the rest of BMA’s civilisation, especially the ones interested in galactic alliance, would usually say the complete opposite of anything he does, but now he’s their galactic spokesperson.

[AN: This story will contain slurs because my main character is an arsehole]

“Keeping

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Challenge #00891-B160: Nil Mortifi Sans Lucre?

FAQ Assassins

- Business hours are 9:00 to 5:30
- Please deposit last will and testament in box below
- Knock and remove shoes before entering

They say that life is cheap on Ghiisham, and they are correct. Life is cheap. You get one for free. Living can be expensive and death, though inevitable, is much more expensive than taxes.

Especially if you want it tailored.

Junior assassin Mykoss looked up at the client. They were all over sores and

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Challenge #00890-B159: Absolute Power...

Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est - Knowledge itself is power

Knowledge is power. The knowledge of physics allows many species access to space travel.

Power corrupts. Those with the power to conquer worlds will do so.

Those with the knowledge of how to fight back… sometimes fail to apply it. They have better ways.

“This system is now ours,” boomed the bird before them. “You will serve us in all things you do.”

“As you will,” said the Chief Librarian.

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Challenge #00888-B157: Station of Babel

Everybody panics in their own language.

This was where JOATs came into the fore. Electronic translators had
their limits, and one of the most prevalent of those limits was
breaching the Understanding Barrier.

Grammar is important. Especially in a panic situation.

Thus, in an emergency, the most level heads of the JOAT community come to the fore.

Shayde
stood on one of the plinths, using her own passive magic to make herself understood to all listeners. “Please proceed in an orderly
fashion

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Challenge #00885-B154: Dawn Technology

“Like many other things, if you know what you’re doing, an open fire isn’t particularly dangerous.” Says the person wearing no safety gear, having lit a campfire with flint and steel and currently rearranging the burning sticks barehanded.

“You’re… burning raw cellulose,” said the alien, through its translator. “There is no safety equipment.”

“Got a shovel,” soothed Tanja. “Got loads of sand. We’re good.”

“You are not knowing if this cellulose is loaded with toxins.”

“I live

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Challenge #00883-B152: Stress Indicators

Hiccups.

“But… I can’t be an ambassador,” Lalama protested. “I’d be the worst. HIC! There’s a reason -hic- there’s a reason -hoik- a reason I -hic- I went for -hiku- for Oort mining.”

“Well understood,” said Ruraha. She was a saurian. “Galactic law is not on your side. Friend Yayama… is breathing problem medical-dangerous?”

“No, I -hic- I just get -hyurk- get hiccups when -hroooip- when I’m nerv– HIC! Nervous.”

“But… you are

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Challenge #00882-B151: Stifled Rude Noises

Prompt: That “GNK” noise a person makes when they manage to sneeze with their mouth shut.

Brexx didn’t know what was wrong. The human ambassador spasmed suddenly and made a sort of Skngx! noise. Then she gasped for breath and went, Skngx! Skngx! Skngx! in rapid succession.

Brexx hit the panic button. “Human ambassador non-communicative. Making abbreviated noises of unknown meaning.”

“…th’ flowers,” gasped Ambassador Harry.  Skngx! Skngx! Skngx! Skngx! Skngx! “I’b allergig…”  Skngx! Skngx! “To th’ flowers&

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Challenge #00881-B150: One Missed Point on the Commercial Concourse

A time machine has to have flashing lights. It’s not a proper Time machine unless it has flashing lights!

It was a tiny little nookery of surprising inside dimensions. It only
seemed small on the outside. The shelves were full of interesting things that looked very impressive. There were a myriad of blinking
lights.

“Welcome, welcome,” beamed the proprietor. Their nametag declared them to be Thiite. “Do you like my time machines?”

Blez Jenkins looked again at the items on the

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Challenge #00880-B149: Feelers

“‘The flowers that bloom in the Spring, Tra, La!’ Have everything to do with the case.”

Prison cells on Amalgam were, for assorted humanoid species, a Ten
Distance Unit Cube that accommodated the bare minimum necessary for
existence. And monitors for all activity.

Shayde had chosen a
rubber ball for diversionary occupational therapy and sat with her back
pressed against one wall. She was currently engaged in throwing it
against the floor so it would ricochet off the wall and return to

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Challenge #00879-B148: Tokens of Adulthood

multitool,

They threw him a Going Away Party. Just like they threw him an
Adoption Day party on the anniversary of his arrival on Hippo Mining
Station. And, like all the things the mining crew did for him, it
involved available materials.

So far, he’d been given a pair of
The Drongo’s old work-boots - refurbished and ‘gussied up’ with a layer
of gleaming black ductape. This parcel contained fabric scraps from
Dode’s stash. Every colour of the rainbow,

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Challenge #00878-B147: Educational Aside

Since this year was a bust, eurovision prompt 2: Lasha Tumbai

[AN: I looked her up on Youtube… wow]

“So…
if that’s ‘Eurovision Lite’…” Rael couldn’t help himself. Perhaps curiosity was yet another Alpha-draft flaw. “What is -ah- ‘Eurovision
Heavy’ like?”

“Nearest words I can get is - the video answer tae crack.” Shayde queued up another video segment and fetched more popcorn.

“I’m not going to see anything… awful… am I?”

“Na, na,

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Challenge #00876-B145: DO NOT ASK

Murphy’s Law, and ensuing resulting chaos thereof.

[AN: You can get some really interesting ones over here: http://www.scottrainey.com/jokes/murphys_laws.htm]

There are rules to space travel. Primary amongst them is: Shut the flakking door. And many of them are cycled upwards or downwards depending on the frequency of use.

But always, somewhere in the top ten is: Never ask questions with an inherently obvious answer.

The
examples of the lawbreakers are numerous. Blex T’iiv once

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Challenge #00873-B142: Distracting Objects

Keets and a laser pointer.

Problem one: Keets are super-delicate babies and must be protected.

Problem two: Keets are as hyper as all get out in rainy weather.

Problem three: Keets can climb, but they’re not that great at getting down safely.

Problem four: they’re suicidally curious and have worked out how to open the playroom door.

Keri had to keep them under constant supervision and off the shelving and occupied until the grownups came back.

And, as further trouble,

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