Amalgam Universe

A 2291-post collection

Challenge #01273-C178: The Coffee Oath

"It is caffeine alone..." You know the rest of this quote. Have fun. -- KnitNan

Theobromine was dangerous for most species, but humans took it in several different preparations. This was the waking preparation, as the ship's human went about their post-somnolence ritual.

Humans could push themselves to operate for an entire standard day, if they needed to. Their human had just done so, and proceeded to sleep for an astonishing twelve hours. Now they emerged, still in their sleeping clothes, to prepare theobromine.

It was a fascinating process, and K'vorth watched through the armoured window, where the human had their own, segregated-for-safety food preparation zone.

First came the sniffing of the cup. If it failed this test, it was washed and dried. Then came the spooning of the sugar. Granulated plant sap, refined in certain ways. (Humans grew sucrose, can you imagine?) Before they came along, Sucrose was a reliable and firm building material, especially for indoors. But humans ate it.

After the spooning of the sugar came the adding of the drinking chocolate. Another form of theobromine, usually used for emotional balance. Then the mixing of the powders before the human inserted the prepared cup under a curious device and loaded it with foul-smelling pellets.

Then came the ominous grinding noise. Most of K'vorth's fellow T'kiin hid or ran away when it began, but K'vorth had been steeling herself for weeks just to watch.

Steaming, dark liquid issued from the grinding machine and poured into the cup. It was a slow trickle, and the human watched the process in a form of hypnotic trance.

It had taken K'vorth weeks to ascertain that the scratching of the posterior was not, in fact, part of the process.

There was the first stirring of the cup, and the adding of the bovine lactate, and the second stirring of the mug. And finally, finally, came the oath.

Their human said it so quickly, almost all in one breath. It had taken quite a long time to divine the words in the entire mutter.

"It is caffeine alone that sets my mind in motion. By the beans of Java, my thoughts acquire speed. The hands acquire shakes. The shakes become a warning. It is caffeine alone that sets my mind in motion."

And then, at last, they drank it. K'vorth had so many questions about this ritual. Which parts were necessary, which were solely their ritual, and which rituals were shared.

Theobromine was deadly. At least for T'kiin. And lots of other species in the Galactic Alliance. And yet, the making and ingestion of it completely fascinated K'vorth. Perhaps, some experts were correct. Human's insanity might just be catching.

(Muse food remaining: 17. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01267-C172: Nothing to See Here

Your challenge today is to write your entire oneshot without using the word "the" -- Gallifreya

[AN: and one of my favourite words, too]

They never came to Barabindaru, a tiny little town that used to have its glory days in years of steam, when coal and water were vital to moving. They did not settle in Farmer Tarlee's paddock and wander around for up to half an hour before Kid Tarlee paddled over to have a chat.

There was some extended

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Challenge #01266-C171: He's Just a Softie, Really

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/145552354602/iamacutetiger-cosmictuesdays-pilgrimkitty

Captain Steve and his horgler -- Anon Guest

Humans will pet anything. It is a fact as true as their renowned insanity. They get reward through tactile contact and it is part of their pack-bonding process. Almost nothing, short of losing their arm on contact, will stop them.

The only thing that has stopped them in the past is knowledge of the frailty of the thing they wish to touch.

Humans stopped by planetary station

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Challenge #01263-C168: Bodyguard

http://iztarshi.tumblr.com/post/145107805571

On the flipside, when the space orcs want you safe, you are very safe -- Anon Guest

There were times when Talil could swear that humans were made of determination and venom.

They were not, strictly speaking, toxic. Not completely. But their skin was host to ecologies of bacteria that made their lives possible, and had been weaponised against Havenworlders. Their guts were hosts to bacteria that were toxic even to them. Their bites could fester

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Challenge #01257-C162: Vital Skills

There are things we need to be able to do to cope or succeed in Life. How to light a fire, cook a meal. Pick a Life skill and how it works. -- KnitNan

Red alert roused Pel from unconsciousness, and, because it was an urgent alarm, she launched herself from her bunk and into her lifesuit before she had fully opened her eyes. It was a matter of course for a Spacer to be able to get into their emergency gear

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Challenge #01243-C148: Morning People

http://kenzyshipseverything.tumblr.com/post/126911368896/nicckpetricca-this-video-is-actually-my

Imagine your otp -- Anon Guest

Music was playing. Something ancient from the Vault, shared on something called a 'mix tape' by Ambassador Shayde into Lyr's personal file collection. Whatever it was, it was too jumpy to be morning music.

Jule attempted to burrow under the covers without moving much. Why his best-beloved had to be so darn frenetic on the mornings of her holidays was a mystery. This was their mutual time off. They

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Challenge #01242-C147: Confused in Translation

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/143298955329/motorizedduck-translating-is-hard-work-even -- Gallifreya

"It is... ah... what is word? A means of communicating when no longer present. Wisdom to be passing down from generations. Time... pressed...into formats for sharing."

"That," said M'llix, "Sounds rather impressive."

"No. Not being impressive. Is much common," said the human. "So everywhere that is ignored. People using for profession considered not having real profession. Is basis for all entertainments, but overlooked. Children is learning from young age, mastery of such.

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Challenge #01231-C136: Humorous Revelation

Human's reaction on realising they share a vessel with Captain K'rik, Doctor M'koi, and Ensign Ch'koff (is there a Lieutenant Spukk too?) -- Gallifreya

[AN: I had been wondering when someone would clue in. And for the record, Jain holds the position of Spock]

If there was one stereotypical behaviour that belonged to humans - besides their suicidal combination of curiosity and insanity - it would have to be their love of gadgets.

Doctor M'Koi watched with growing skepticism as the human

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Challenge #01230-C135: So This is How I Die

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/143039331394/memeufacturing-human-after-being-stabbed-four -- Gallifreya

There are games the mind plays in extremis. One of its favourites is Hallucinations. But when the imagination is lacking or the mind is sufficiently aware of reality, the mind defaults to Good News, Bad News.

Good News, there is still air.

Bad News, it is filling with smoke.

Good News, there is still gravity.

Bad News, I am on my back.

Q'riikix, known to the humans in the crew as "Queasy", rattled

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Challenge #01228-C133: "Again"?

"I hate to be 'that guy' but I've glued myself to the ceiling again..." -- Gallifreya

There is a place for everyone in the UFTP stellar fleet! All volunteers for the stellar services are tested for their strengths and places where they can perform at their best! Join today! -- UFTP Stellar Fleet recruitment flier.

Second Technician Kevin Maladroit checked the maintenence schedule before he got out of bed. Slow day. Which meant it was a bad one. The crew of the

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Challenge #01227-C132: No Way Out

:From a former loose cannon/maverick's inner monologue:

But they were in a position of authority now, and for some reason that meant they didn't get to have their way anymore. -- Recklessprudence

Blaize Hartley hadn't meant to become a hero. It just sort of happened that way. She leaped in where angels would fear to hear about and winged it from there. She had an extreme knack for getting herself both into and out of the most ridiculous of pickles.

Including

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Challenge #01224-C129: Retrospective Introspective

Meanwhile, in the past... -- RecklessPrudence

Rael didn't need to subscribe to the On This Day info feed. He was surrounded by hobby historians who would gleefully inform him of any significant events as they met him. If he was lucky, they would only infodump the interesting bits.

People had work to get to, after all. And limited time meant that people only passed on the information that they deemed important. Which lead to a skewed view of history, and an equally

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Challenge #01223-C128: Known Behavioural Patterns

:[Name] thinks while hiding and sneaking with new-found allies from and around old enemies:

[Name] started a mental drinking game for the disgusted comments about how this was not running a search pattern, and the amount of things it couldn’t find, but gave up when they realized they’d mentally gotten alcohol poisoning. -- RecklessPrudence

This had to be the biggest collection of obligatory stupid guards and bad base planning since someone let a three-year-old play Fortress Defence Jr. Jain had

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Challenge #01222-C127: Phrases of Doom

Person #1: Do not worry! I will fix it...

Person #2: You know, [Name], there are certain phrases in our language - such as that one - that simply cannot imply a good outcome. Do you know what I mean?

Person #1: Wow! This really DOES bond skin instantly!

Person #2: Good example. -- RecklessPrudence

Certain phrases imply impending doom. Whenever someone says, "What else can go wrong?" the universe is likely to answer with a supremely painful example.

Whenever a human

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Challenge #01218-C123: A Big, Wet, Sloppy... Hug?

Just a snippet from a very enjoyable story, stripped of gender-specific terms:

..."I will hug you," they threatened, spreading their arms... -- RecklessPrudence

"It's impossible to swim through the Glunk and survive!"

Exhibit A, still dripping an pungent, unidentifiable goop, said, "Desperate times, all th' wards I could muster, an' some bluidy good air pockets, ye ken."

Rael, summoned to the scene, hadn't recognised her until she spoke. "Ambassador Shayde?"

She saluted him. But carefully, so that none of the glop adhering

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