Myths Illogical

Challenge #01240-C145: New Tricks

I accidentally summoned a demon and have won the last 4 rounds of poker against it. -- Gallifreya

Sandy sighed and said, "You're not supposed to show me the cards and ask, 'how do I win?', Belphagor."

"You keep changing the rules," grumbled the demon.

"No, I keep telling you the same rules and you keep getting confused. Let's try again," Sandy reclaimed the cards and shuffled. "I thought the demons of hell were all about sinful stuff."

The demon brightened. "Oh yes! We dishonour our parents and covet our neighbours chattels all the time!"

"What, no cigarettes and whisky and wild, wild women?" Four cards each. Two down on the table, face up. "Remember, you're trying to make the best hand out of what you've got and what you can see. You get one chance to swap out the bad cards."

Belphagor put all of his cards towards Sandy. "Four, please."

Sandy sighed and turned over his cards. "You had half a straight flush with this lot, what the heck?"

"They don't match."

And given his trouble with Snap, there were obvious reasons why she shouldn't have tried teaching him poker. "Ugh. We both suck at this..."

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Challenge #01239-C144: Read Before Signing

I accidentally summoned a demon -- Gallifreya

Belphagor looked around. It was a dusty old book shop. One of those poky little places that almost, but not quite, lead to another reality. The shopkeepers certainly seemed like they had once lived in one, and never quite got the hang of the new reality.

Facing him was an art student. They had to be an art student because the homeless tended to consume way less coffee. And your average bum tended to care

Challenge #01238-C143: Harrying the Harmful

"They turned me into a newt!"

"... You're a salamander."

"I got better." -- Gallifreya

[AN: A little tip of the hat-rack to Monty Python?]

The Swamps of Misdirection. The only way to escape them, once inside, was to follow confusing, convoluted, "can't miss it" directions to somewhere else. And worse - most of the animals in it were capable of speech.

"Beware, traveller! Beware! Dangerous sorcerers roam this swamp." The speaker was a small amphibian. Mostly black, but with interestingly bright speckles

Challenge #01237-C142: Strange on a Train

http://simonbitdiddle.vaul-tec.net/post/143205168842 -- Gallifreya

Ah crap. Once again, the only seat on the train home was the Weirdo Seat. The ones where all the mentally disturbed just had to sit. And anyone unlucky enough to have to sit next to them had to endure their madness by osmosis.

Euphoria Jones weighed her options. It was a long-ass ride home. Her feet were already killing her from hours chasing after idiot customer requests. Including numerous trips into "the back"

Challenge #01219-C124: The Truth About Dragons

http://crescentmoondemon.tumblr.com/post/142716976033 -- Anon Guest

They say that dragons are terrifying beasts. They say that their appetites know no bounds. They say that they thrive on fear. They say that they hoard things just to keep them from mortal hands. They say a lot of things, really. Especially after they've had a few pints, down at the local pub.

Eve knew differently.

For starters, Dragons are more than fine with a sheep or a cow once a month.

Challenge #01217-C122: Curses!

:when a person who has been living with their curse for some time decides to stand up for the abused, and Sanctioned Mages try to put them down:

Spell slinging against a cursed one and a legendary sword. How hard can it be? -- RecklessPrudence

The words had come in anger and magic. Latching onto her soul. Devouring her destiny with simple words, "You will fail at every one of your stated goals."

It hadn't meant much, at first. Her goals had

Challenge #01214-C119: Don't Send Me an Angel

http://khaleesijade.tumblr.com/post/142561344474/what-do-angels-actually-look-like-per-the-bible

Angel: “FEAR NOT.”

Shepherds: screaming

Angel: “I SAID FEAR NOT.”

Shepherds: screaming LOUDER

Angel: “WHAT PART OF FEAR NOT ARE YOU NOT UNDERSTANDING?” -- Gallifreya

[AN: The link supplied contains images that might be disturbing to those who don't read biblical accounts of what angels look like]

From the Expurgated Gospel of Tebol the Shepherd:

And the Lord sent an Angel unto Tebol, and the Angel had unto itself twelve wings, half of them like

Challenge #01197-C102: The Eternal Soldier

http://jewliesparks.tumblr.com/post/131527892833/wwii-era-vampires -- Gallifreya

He should have been 4F because he was 'allergic to sunlight' on his forms. But he told them that if he coated his exposed skin in zinc oxide, and wore sunglasses, he could deal. They gave him gloves to wear. And the fellows in the 40th Foot called him Warpaint. The enemy came to know him as The Ghost, owing to the fact that most of his sunscreen was white-only.

He could pass

Challenge #01195-C100: Revenge on Holiday

Nemesis, the Goddess of Retribution is having a 'Human Day off' sort of. what happens next? -- KnitNan.

She was discovering many things. First among them was that Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain were to be enjoyed separately. Second was that Pina Coladas weren't all that enjoyable for deities. Third... the world loved a generous tipper.

But without her working on her job, there was an interesting change in humanity.

She watched, idly sipping something rainbow-coloured and highly alcoholic.

Challenge #01191-C096: About a Monumental Hypocrisy

Another "Satan Reacts": http://www.rawstory.com/2014/01/satanic-temple-unveils-7-foot-goat-headed-baphomet-statue-for-oklahoma-capitol/ -- RecklessPrudence

[AN - a note for my Theistic followers in the YHWH section of the stadium. LaVeyan Satanists are actually a group of atheists who are hell-bent (sorry) on exposing Xtian hypocrisy when it comes to separation of Church and State in the US. They are Satanists in name only. The same way most Xtians are Xtian in name only, especially when it comes to teachings like "love thy neighbour" or

Challenge #01172-C077: Forbidden Knowledge

http://gothiethefairy.tumblr.com/post/139710559083/seananmcguire-lizawithazed-roachpatrol -- Gallifreya

[AN: For the record, human skin makes really atrocious leather/parchment. I'm a writer. I research shit like this for fun]

The argument had gone something like this... If it was etched into a slab of granite, the information on it had to be really important.

Yes, said the opposing side. But there's also a reason why they moved a ten-ton slab of granite down the deepest pit that they had access to.

Challenge #01161-C066: Unemployable

:Interview transcript segment:

Interviewee: Why am I the right fit for this job? Well, I'm not sure I'm the right fit for ANY job. I was at a cheap store, and there was this cheesy 'magic wand' lying there. It was out of its wrapper, and I was feeling silly, so I picked it up and said some nonsense. NOW look at me!

:Interviewee appears to be no longer human. Has antennae, three large multifaceted eyes spread equidistant around their head, a

Challenge #01151-C054: One Blizzard-riddled Afternoon in the Antarctic Circle

Have you seen 'The Thing'? The 1982 one, based on 'Who Goes There?', not the 2011 prequel. Well...

Prometheus: I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of eternity TIED TO THIS FUCKING ROCK! -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: I've seen the 1950's version of The Thing (aka: The Secret Origin of the Flaming Carrot) and I have to wonder about scientist's need to give random shit from space some

Challenge #01146-C049: Adventuring on Another Plane

:Text recieved on a phone:

hlep! i was trikc-or-treatign with my borther adn our douchebag cousni, adn they gave me smoe of thire haul, luahging abotu how they egged thsi wiccan ladeis houes aftre they got teh cnady, adn now i'm ni a fantays wrold as a griffin! youv'e got to fnid uot where she lievs, adn get hre to brnig me back! there's this ohter griffin taht's bene hagnign aruodn, i dno't know waht they watn!

:another text, some weeks later:

Challenge #01130-C033: One Fine Day at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital

Magical medical tribulations

http://soluscrow.tumblr.com/post/138200678919/bjornwilde-dragonsinmeliodas-ajmakoko -- Gallifreya

[AN: I heartily advise you read that thread. It's amazing]

Doctor Lilandra Jovel specialised in the diagnosis of the strange, the unusual, and the unexpected. Ever since Monsters came to the surface, there had been all kinds of strange encounters. With equally strange results. And sometimes, the revelation of an old scandal.

"He just eats and eats and eats," said the mother. "But look at him. He's all skin and

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A 190-post collection

Challenge #01240-C145: New Tricks

Challenge #01239-C144: Read Before Signing

Challenge #01238-C143: Harrying the Harmful

Challenge #01237-C142: Strange on a Train

Challenge #01219-C124: The Truth About Dragons

Challenge #01217-C122: Curses!

Challenge #01214-C119: Don't Send Me an Angel

Challenge #01197-C102: The Eternal Soldier

Challenge #01195-C100: Revenge on Holiday

Challenge #01191-C096: About a Monumental Hypocrisy

Challenge #01172-C077: Forbidden Knowledge

Challenge #01161-C066: Unemployable

Challenge #01151-C054: One Blizzard-riddled Afternoon in the Antarctic Circle

Challenge #01146-C049: Adventuring on Another Plane

Challenge #01130-C033: One Fine Day at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital