Myths Illogical

A 198-post collection

Challenge #01098-C001: The Company Kept

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/136636127295/mikkeneko-torn-by-dreams-thewintergrump -- Gallifreya

[AN: This story comes as a sequel to this one ]

He didn't get it. And nobody could understand his side of it either. Derek was not confused or mislead. He knew what his heart wanted, more than anything else in the world. And that was Allethar.

From their increasingly brief times together, he could tell that Allethar's parents had similarly antiquated attitudes. There was talk from both the human and the dragon families about setting up a more... conventional mate.

When talk came to introductions, Derek ran away from his home. He didn't steal anything beyond that which was allegedly his. Which included a hundred head of cattle, a rather lot of gold and jewels, and his clothing and armour.

Not that he planned to be in clothing or armour for very long around Allethar.

It made quite the train and it was a miracle that he got it all out of the keep without alerting his father. Certainly, it paid to know where the sympathetic guards had their duties. It also helped that he was well away from anywhere he was known on sight. By the time dawn rolled around, he could simply say 'yes' to any assumption anyone made of him.

And in a few days, after that, he was at Allethar's mountain, with his beloved Dragon descending to meet him. "Derek, what the hell?" said Allethar in a desperate whisper. "You weren't at our regular abduction place. I was worried sick."

"Sorry, but I had to run away. My parents set up an arranged marriage to straighten me out." Derek nodded to the herd strung out behind him. "So I packed all my stuff and left."

"That," admitted Allethar, "sounds like a fantastic idea."

Derek paid for a boat to hold the cattle, and for Allethar to carry far, far away from their mutual homes. To an island that nobody was using. It had a volcano for Allethar, and grass enough for Derek's herds and future fields. They could build a lair together. And be happy.

It took ten years for their families to find them. By that time there were baby weredragons in the mix[1]. Which stunned both dragons and humans into coming up with a kind of truce.

Derek didn't mind, since it boiled down to 'everyone leaves everyone alone to do what they want as long as nobody gets hurt'. The dragons had to pay for cattle they wanted to eat. The humans had to stop hunting dragons and trade for any hoard they wanted. Royal company by prior arrangement.

It wasn't ideal, but it was a start.

[1] Love and magic together can do some amazing things

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Challenge #01091-B359: Here There Be Dragon Nesting Grounds

About learning a new way of breathing fire from her partner, that involves... well... nuclear fusion:

She's kept it a secret, yes. Long flights over the ocean... enormous detonations... a romantic evening for two dragons. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Sounds more like nuclear fission, but whatevs]

The tiny island had been turned to glass where it hadn't been turned to soot. And even the soot had burned off. And the heat from within spoke of lava, but Relikor could not sense any other

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Challenge #01089-B357: Sympathy for the Demons

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/135904233152/bluandorange-selkiecomrade-selkiecomrade

There was a large amount added to the Satan Claus post. -- Anon Guest

Demons across the multitudinous arenas of hell flinched. Their master was angry. Their master was calling.

"BELPHAGOOOOORRRRRRR!"

And that one demon was in deep, deep trouble.

The demon could not disobey the call of his master. He ran to the Great Office with his black heart pounding and his forked tongue knotted in fear. "I have come, master."

The Lord of

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Challenge #01088-B356: Catch of the Day

http://deathcomes4u.tumblr.com/post/135909651673/mythsofthesea-faerytale-wings-merman-and -- Anon Guest

[AN: Epileptics, beware of the gif background]

The water was her second home. People who knew Nel said that they were waiting for her to grow gills. The people of Nothéré Island knew her so well that she once attended a job interview in a bikini and flipflops. Nel knew everywhere on Nothéré in relation to the closest or the most convenient swimming location.

And it was one summer afternoon after a

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Challenge #01084-B352: One Early Dawn Ceremony Far From His Master's Tower

http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/post/133942666585/magic-aus-for-all-your-magic-au-needs

One more time -- Gallifreya

The demon looked down at the circle around the mage. "Yer kiddin' me, right?" it said. It looked like a human shape, but it was obviously not human. For a start, its skin was as black as coal, and its demonic eyes burned with their own fire.

"Avaunt, foul beast," said Tra'gyk the mage. He held up his binding talisman. "I hath summoned thee with my mighty magic and thou

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Challenge #01083-B351: Dir Satan...

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/135497280792/incurablenecromantic-eccentricmisseclectic

"Give me a heartwarming Christmas movie about Satan traveling around the world every Christmas to deliver presents to all the young kids and kids with learning disorders and disabilities who misspell “Santa” on their Christmas letters every year"

"And Santa’s all like, “You know, I can handle a few spelling mistakes, I got this,” and Lucifer is like “They’re addressed to me, fuck off, I’m doing it.”"

"Lucifer being protective of his

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Challenge #01082-B350: Haunted Model

http://tobiasandguy.tumblr.com/post/135382746545/selfie-its-harder-when-you-attract-unseen

Being followed around by invisible things that only show up on camera - and are always pulling faces when you want a nice picture. -- Gallifreya

"Just... don't. Don't take my photo. You'll regret it."

"What? But you're gorgeous."

He sighed. "I attract photobombing ghosts. It gets... ugly."

"Have you tried a--"

"Every psychic I could find. I even stroll those psychic reader tables at the mall. None of them can see or sense them.

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Challenge #01081-B349: Found Divinity

Prometheus, and all the other 'gave knowledge to mortals and was cast down for it' gods/goddesses/other mythical figures from various mythologies, being found by mortals, rescued from their punishments, and thanked properly. Even if it's only the first one being found, and the realisation that the others exist, and must be helped. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: After a little bit of Wiki Wandering, Prometheus is the only one who got punished for sharing wisdom... but I can pretend there's others]

The

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Challenge #01060-B328: In the Middle of a Faery Tale

http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/post/133942666585/magic-aus-for-all-your-magic-au-needs

And a third -- Gallifreya

Gloria had been combing her hair by the river when a wandering man stumbled upon her. He stood there, gaping like a landed fish, until Gloria started braiding it up.

"Fair maiden, I beg your boon," he began. "I am labouring under a terrible curse. A foul witch decreed that I must never refuse an opportunity for generosity until such time as a maiden bestows her true love's kiss."

Hm.

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Challenge #01058-B326: Desperate Measures

http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/post/133942666585/magic-aus-for-all-your-magic-au-needs

Pick one -- Gallifreya

Cam had had enough. Their entire adventure across half the realm had been full of bailing out of flirting. Near misses and excruciating closeness mixed with nigh-intolerable formality.

It had been painful. Didn't Bes know how awesome she was? How wonderful she was for everyone around her. It wasn't that she had a Bard's natural glamour. It was all charm and charisma. And... just being Bes.

All Cam could think about

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Challenge #01057-B325: Angels Unawares

http://soluscrow.tumblr.com/post/133913436559/modernaukeats-texts-between-angels-trying-to

Angels living among the mortals -- Gallifreya

Mrs Getherty had always been in the neighbourhood. And she had always been a little strange. For instance, she invited the local evangelists in for tea and cookies. And a nice, long chat that somehow devoured their entire day, covered nothing, and roamed from topic to topic like an indecisive kid with one dollar to spend in the candy store.

Nobody could remember when she wasn't a slightly

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Challenge #01055-B323: Eventual Amity

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/133857707605/jcatgrl-copperbadge-persinetteinthetower

Domestic life after the baby dilemma -- Gallifreya

Gloria was crying. She'd been crying for hours.

Disastra moaned. She hadn't slept enough to focus her magic. Therefore she used her wand to prod Calamity. "It's your turn."

"N'h did it las' time..."

"No you didn't, I did it last time. GO!"

"...five mo' minutes..."

"NO! YOU HAD THE STUPID IDEA TO STEAL A STUPID BRAT!"

"You had th' same one," Calamity grumbled. She, too, had

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Challenge #01054-B322: Joint Custody

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/133857707605/jcatgrl-copperbadge-persinetteinthetower

Two separate magical entities turn up for the same baby. -- Gallifreya

They both appeared at the christening. Calamity in a plume of green fire and Disastra in a cloud of roiling purple smoke. Both with identical words.

"Give me the child!"

The proud parents recognised one of them and boggled at the other. Then at their spouse.

"I can explain," they both said.

He had paid for an invulnerable armour with the life of

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Challenge #01049-B317: Ashes to Ash...

http://outfromtheinkwell.tumblr.com/post/133600270753/latessitrice-absinthenoir

The woes of an Italian vampire -- Gallifreya

[AN: Trying to write this without sounding racist]

I didn't know what I'd become when I stumbled home to Mama. I could remember an attack. I remember that the early dawn light burned my skin. I remember... being ill. Not being able to take in Mama's cooking. Being so thirsty. And always tired during the day.

Mama did what she could. She kept the sun away from

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Challenge #01048-B316: Afoot in the Grove

Pick one or more items from this list - it just sounded so much like the sort of things you'd think up that I HAD to share... http://howlingguardian.tumblr.com/post/133493640614/
(post reproduced below in case of link failure)

Talk fantasy prosthetics to me.

An elf maiden dances on feet of living wood sung into shape, planted in soil and watered when she takes them off. Every year she plants the old ones and sings a new pair. (Incidentally, the

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