Just Add Prompt

Don’t want to have people commenting your sudden bout of suicidal stupidy by taunting murphy?

How about not taunt murphy?

[AN: I did leave instructions on the Submissions box to only pick up to three tags. Otherwise I have to whittle your collection of tags down to three so I can add my own tags. Please remember this when picking tags for your prompts.]

This media was not only old, but it had been played to the point of nearing uselessness before it had been transferred to the Archivaas’ more permanent methods of storage. the sound warbled and wobbled. The pictures occasionally flickered and warped. There were scratches and hair and dirt…

“Humans,” said the narrator. “Are you aware that your behaviour can be disturbing to other cogniscents in the Galactic Alliance?”

“Golly,” said the human on the screen. “I had no idea.” It was plain that this human was being portrayed by a lizard in a bad rubber suit.

“Well that’s why I’m here,” said the narrator. “To give you little tips and guidelines on how to behave now that you’re a recognised Galactic Citizen.”

It started with the simpler do’s and don'ts, and quickly got bizarre.

“Ah-ah-ah, human. That’s a ridiculously dangerous thing to do.”

“But it looks like fun.”

“Let’s think things through, human. If you do that thing, you’re going to hurt yourself and you’re going to be exposed to ridicule and comment for thinking that doing the thing was a good idea in the first place. You don’t want other cogniscents pointing at you and laughing, do you?”

“Gee whillikers, no!”

“So maybe you should think about it. Next time you want to do something that looks like fun… remember that you could be taunting Murphy’s Laws. And we don’t want to taunt Murphy.”

“Thank you for your very important lessons. I’ll try to remember.”

*

Althei blinked as the lights came back on. “This was meant to prevent human incidents?”

“It was an effort,” said her honoured tutor. “And in answer to your next question: no, it didn’t work.”

[Muse food remaining: 22. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Don’t worry. He comes up with crazy ideas, but they’re so crazy they actually work half the time.

“…hey!” said exhibit A, aka Hwell Barrow. “I’ll have you know I have a ninety-eight percent success rate.”

“It’s the two percent that bites my tail,” Ax'and'l managed through gritted teeth. “And we agreed that there would be no bickering in front of potential clients.”

“If we agreed

And, isn’t sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you’re good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit!”

“Awright. Yes. Humans as a race are kinda nuts,” Hwell admitted. “There’s lots of things I can’t immediately explain.”

“And your individual susceptibility to Silly Season,” added Ax'and'l. “What evolutionary advantage is there on picking up

Most certainly a [species] spy in disguise. I mean not. Not a [species] spy. Human. Completely human. Yes.

“Oh, now, come on,” said the Doctor. “That can’t be a Friendly. That’s obviously a Golgafraxan spy in disguise. Do none of you notice her complexion?”

“Doctor…”

“If it is a her. They get the genders mixed up.”

“Doctor…”

“Look I’ll prove it. Golgafraxans react

Recalibrate your sarcasm detector.

“All right,” said Ama. “Where we’re going has lots of humans. So let’s make sure we’re prepared. Remember, even though they’re Class Four Deathworlders, they don’t mean to harm us. They’re aware of our relative frailties and will act accordingly.”

“Yes’m,” said the entire class. They were halfway into their safety suits.

El struggled with her Permaseal Line, panicking, and desperate to not be left

“I like paying taxes. With them I buy civilization.” – Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes

Patriot Imbaw swaggered up to the immigration counter, and pressed his paperwork through the little slot. “I need citizenship on this here Galactic Station ay-sap. How can we -ah- accelerate that process?” He had a greasy smile and greasy hair. In fact, just about everything about him could be described in terms of grease. It seemed like he perspired oily residue that had no origin in the

You’ll make it in five days, boosting six points past emergency max the whole way. If the engineer’s been doing his job, the engines won’t blow until you hit eight. Quite safe.

Plasma from Hyperspace leaked with every ship that travelled through a wormhole. And when it reached a certain density, or a one-way wormhole ‘popped’ into a two way passage, electrons discharged through it in a pattern that still baffled mathematicians everywhere.

And for those caught in Crossroads

I may be small, but I screw up big because I’m standing on the shoulders of GIANTS.

The dangerous mammals were clustered in one area. One area full of volatile chemicals, dangerous levels of electricity, and heavy concentrations of methane and pathogens.

Hundreds of them gathered in the night to observe some ritualistic activity that involved rhythmic gyrations and consumption or production of the above substances.

They were a threat to the Mo'fathan Empire.

Which was how Kirxaan the Mighty opened

“I’m not panicking, I’m watching you panic. It’s more entertaining.”

This was the first time she’d been locked in a room with a human. While it did bring people watching to new and increasingly intimate levels, it did rather limit the options, should said human start lashing out.

As it was, this one seemed to like saying ‘okay’ a lot.

“Okay… Oh….kay. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Okayokayokayokayokayokay… Ooooohhhhhhh&

“The point is, you haven’t let the lack of Seconds stop you. Or the rules. Or respect for reality, as far as I can tell.”

Shayde still wore Public Property Grey, but this time, her footwear was a pair of Hazard Yellow thongs. Indicating that she was both off-duty, and a potential danger to the public. Someone had given her a silver fan brooch, indicating that she was also offensive without training.

“I take it you’ve