Instant Story

Flash fiction fresh from my fingers to your mind!

Challenge #00051: The Perils of Temporal Interference

In-a: Ancient Greece/Rome (your choice, but traveler is stuck with no way of returning to home time)
With-a: Time Travel Cheat Sheet (link #1, link #2, or just Google Image Search Time Travel Cheat Sheet)
While-a: Citizen is being obstructionistBonus if you show the aftermath, and how half-remembered History lessons and the cheat sheet avoided the Dark Ages

It should have worked. It was perfectly calculated down to the second.

But Evan had forgotten about planetary motion through time. He was lucky there was a tree, there. He was really lucky the Earth was still in roughly the same place.

Luck had nothing to do with the cheat sheet, though. Five pages of tightly-spaced text and useful images of coin, persons of interest, and places.

This place looked nothing like ancient Rome.

Ancient Rome never had bamboo.

Evan climbed carefully down - rural medicine never changed, and was full of words starting with ‘un’. Unhygenic. Unreliable. Unmedicinal. Okay. He had a compass in with the other useful things in his pack. All he had to do was remember basic survival orientation.

Downhill and downstream. Sooner or later, you hit a town. Then get some directions.

And that was when he really knew it had all gone pants.

The rural citizens did not look like the rural citizens of ancient Rome. They looked more like the rural citizens of ancient China.

Oh… shit…

He had two options. Take a two-to-five year hike along the silk road and pick up his meddling late or…

He knew some Mandarin thanks to his grandma. He could learn the rest. This was a time when anyone could get a position they wanted if they could pass the exams.

And the emperors were always after some potion of longevity.

He knew his chemistry. It was one of the skills he’d learned to meddle in ancient Rome. Likewise some basic herbology and the foods it would be wise to eat.

He started smallish. The gold in his pack would raise questions, since he’d minted it himself. But one ounce of gold was one ounce of gold, no matter where it came from. He bought a cart and some sandals and a 'proper’ haircut from someone who knew their stuff. He exchanged some of his gold for local coin, as well as some herbs he knew were efficacious.

Then he started curing people.

It didn’t take long for word to spread around. In two months, he was before the emperor. Who was showing the signs of mercury poisoning, as well as the sallow hue of liver trouble.

“I must warn the gracious emperor that some of my methods include blood-letting.”

“Yet you rarely use leeches,” said the emperor.

“Leeches have their uses, in moderation,” Evan allowed. “I find much more knowledge in the study of blood.”

“Yes. We have seen your notes. What language is this written in?”

“The language of my home, Friidonia, your majesty.”

“You will teach some students, should your methods succeed. Should they fail…”

Yeah. He knew. “I understand, your eminence.”

The first thing he did was throw out all the potions with mercury in them. And the alchemists who used and endorsed mercury. He put the emperor on a diet that would take all the toxins out and introduced the man to colloidal silver.

A combination of diet, exercise and herbal teas, all wrapped in mumbo-jumbo of course, saw the liver heal and the illnesses leak away from the emperor.

Working out how to create oxygen in his lab and pipe it into the emperor’s bedchamber helped the old man feel awake and vigorous the next morning. And the right style of mumbo-jumbo helped keep him active and got him healthier.

Then came the students. Or rather, the students’ exams.

It was sheet after sheet of poetry.

“What in the name of the four dragons is this?”

“Your potential students, honoured physician.”

“They wrote poems.”

“Yes. The best poet is one most suited to serve the emperor.”

“Ah.” Evan picked up the sheets and threw them in the fire. “I don’t want poets. I want the kind of people who ask questions, not the kind of people who think they know all the answers.”

He took them for tours through his lab in groups of four. First, the best poets then down the list of official approval until he found one who asked a question.

The question was, “What is that Friidonian chart on your wall?” the girl asking pointed to the table of elements poster he had placed out of direct sunlight.

You can stay and learn,” said Evan.

He found students amongst those who couldn’t write a line of poetry. He found one cleaning the floor.

And then he found the emperor in his classroom.

“I expected a certain amount of nonsense from you,” said the emperor. “But you reject the highest amongst my scholars and accept… the unclean.”

“I’ve purified them with my own methods,” Evan said. “And as I told your school administrator, I want the students who ask questions. Not the ones who think they know all the answers.”

“Why?” said the emperor.

“Because they will be interested in finding the answer.”

The emperor stayed for the time he had, which Evan used as a lesson on dumbing down science to a level the client can understand. This involved demons, dragons, and malevolent forces working against the rule of heaven and nature combined.

The five of them came up with a code, which also included the table of elements. The floor cleaner drew up a wall mural, a real work of art, that included working herbal remedies and dietary supplements cross-referenced with existing pseudoscience.

She knew. The greatest challenge was to get the patient to swallow the medicine. Including the medicine of how to keep an empire strong and healthy.

Evan was an old man when China discovered Rome. Like everywhere else they discovered, they established an embassy and small trade colony and documented the living crap out of extant civilization they found there.

Like everywhere else, they offered education and medicine in the native language and superstitions.

Evan had to wonder if the Australian natives would be happier about that than how it turned out in his own history. Hell, he wondered how history would write this down.

He changed an empire. And that changed the world.

[Muse food remaining: 3. Submit a prompt! Ask a question!]

the weekend larp involved pirates vs. astronauts, snow, and weaponised fruit, so here are some prompts inspired by real events.

1. Suddenly, a watermelon.

2. “A pineapple, perfect! The cardboard warriors have almost reached the second staircase and we need ammunition. Now hand me my gunana.”

3. The Nerf Gun Wars of ‘06

(#00050)

“Pew! Pew!”

“Pew! Pew! Pew!”

“Shayde, what the flying flakk–?”

She grinned from behind her cardboard visor. She was using a banana as an imaginary gun and apparently shooting by saying, “Pew!”

“War games,”

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Challenge #00049: Wrecking the grade curve

The Scooter Conspiracy is defeated, albeit temporarily, when educator Scott correlates grade reduction with youth pranks of exuberance. Storm makes an appearance.

“You’ve all heard the news. Sara Louise Adrien and Mortimer Thaddeus Toynbee are now officially engaged, an item, and allowed to go out. With my blessing.” Scott cleared his throat. “This has not stopped what is known as the Scooter Conspiracy from continuing to target me as a favoured victim in your pranks.”

The

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Challenge #00048: The Fall of Matthews

From Duncan’s perspective, show the victory of Scott and how he achieved it. Todd, Kelly and Graydon Creed make appearances. Jean laughs at Duncan as she dumps him. Duncan eats crow and gags.

“Damnit. Where the fuck are my pants?”

Duncan had got his clothes on in the order they came to him. In this case, that meant his shirt, coat and a pair of heart-pattern boxers that, though his size, were not his style.

And since it

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Challenge #00046: Daring Rescue

Edward Kelly moments after meeting Magneto for the first time.

{Bamf!}

Edward Kelly swallowed his last meal back down and tried to think of anything but the taste of bile and stomach acid.

“Welcome to the three D’s of teleportation, Principal Kelly,” said a blurred figure that was somehow all shades of aqua. “Dizzyness, disorientation and debilitating nausea.” The figure held something under his nose.

The scent of citrus assaulted him, but at least it made

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Challenge #00045:

The first press conference of newly elected state senator, Scott Summers, in which he tries to explain how someone who sees only red can govern those with full vision. Hard questions are asked by both reporters and Duncan Matthews, himself the newly elected leader of the FOH and sporting IRA styled terrorist backup.

“How can you claim to have a far-reaching vision when all you can see is red?”

Gah. Dumb question #3. Again. State Senator Scott Summers kept his

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Challenge #00044: Trial of Error

End with this sentence: “Failure had become the only way he knew he had actually tried.”

Rael could not believe in his makers. He had, after all, witnessed them sleeping in the labs, relieving themselves, and skimming the news over morning stimulants and breakfast.

It was hard to worship anything when you’d seen them with food dribbling down their chin.

It was even harder to believe in anything when they were testing and training you at the same

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Challenge #00043: Time is Money

Time currency and exchange rate issues.

The clerk looked up from the pile of gold coins. “What are these?”

“Quatloos,” said Emris. “My savings. For this holiday.”

“Ah.” The clerk began typing. He was rather handsome for a lizard. With an impressive crest jammed under his ridiculous hat. “I have fifteen planet systems with variations on the Quatloo… Where are you from?”

“Greater Deregulation.”

“Ah.” This time,

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Challenge #00042: Life's Great Mystery

Scott wins a bet with Logan and he divulges wisdom from the mount, including and especially how to get the better of Duncan with his mind and not his fists or powers, with Todd offering to help as an olive branch of peace.

“Told you I could do it.” Scott panted. “Pay up. Enlighten me.”

Logan made a lazy gesture indicating an otherwise neglected bench in Xavier’s extensive gardens. He was never much for talking, even

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Challenge #00040: The Shocking Truth.

An outsider to everything talks about seeing something they shouldn’t, fully knowing the ramifications of their seeing will impact the entire world they live in.

Shayde knew she was on time. She checked the chrono four times after she heard Rael’s voice in the negotiations room. He was, apparently, talking in some variety of Bird. One of the languages that gave her ‘universal translator’ ability trouble. Something about beaks…

This was one of those negotiation

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Challenge #00039: The Doctor is in

Anywhere in the story: “It never ceased to amaze him how little the world seemed to care about those it had little use for.” Also include a banana.

London was overgrown. Those bits that were left were barely holding together. And still, someone took the time to write on walls.

It was a warning. Red was a difficult colour for paint in this kind of arena, but someone had still taken the time to make a bright red paint. And

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Challenge #0038: Where Art Thou, Daughter?

Before Josie’s mom goes to Kraplaquistan, recount the last conversation she had with Jason and how little she really knows how awful he is, even as it reeks and ferments before her very eyes due to her obsession to bring Josie back to her point of view.

Porche  greeted Jason with a warm hug and a kiss on each cheek. “Daar-ling! How have you been? I’ve been dying to see you since Tullagawupwup…”

Jason smiled

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Challenge #00037: Whither Shall I Wander

Include anywhere in the story this line: “Anywhere was home, unless the place included her.”

Josie was a wanderer. Anywhere was home, unless the place included her.

She did not use her name. It was always she, her or, in extreme situations, that woman. Just a glimpse of her, just the thought that she might be there, that she might have followed her across oceans, continents, rivers, towns or down the endless roads… had Josie packing her bags and

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Challenge #00036: Wanted hair problems

I think I submitted this before, I might be mistaken.  Anyway…

Kurt and Beast, a malfunctioning electric razor/pet-groomer, and the amusing/embarassing results of the latter encountered by the former two.

[Yeah, you did as anon, and since you’re so insistent, I guess this is today’s instant story]

Shaving was a problem for the naturally hirsute. The trimming products usually designed for people did not take into account things like, say, embarrassing bald patches. And trimer

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