Amalgam Universe

A friend just showed me the opening lines to his new story and said I could use them as a prompt:

“This is the voice of the Mysterons. We know you can hear us, Earth-”
*sound of tape rewinding*
“…Sorry for the technical difficulties. To clarify, we are not the Mysterons. We are arguably worse.”

“Approach Cairo at vector two-one-niner by alpha seven,” sighed Kevin. “And we’ll thank you for a lack of sideshows on the way in.”

Some aliens viewed humans with suspicion and distrust. Some viewed humans as dangerous. Some saw humans as insane.

But the most hazardous of all were the ones who viewed humans as entertaining. Every five years, the major cities of Earth held a lottery, and the one who got the short straw had the dubious honour of hosting H-Con.

And, like many humans who did not want an instant trail of alien paparazzi following their every move, Kevin was planning to move the heck out of Cairo, Egypt, and very possibly Terran local space for the interim.

Mars looked very good this time of year.

And Earth, being a residence of varying entrepreneurs, sold a fame experience to people who wanted to be followed by alien paparazzi and asked intrusive questions.

For the rest of the year, Cairo would be full of the people who paid to be here, the people who were paid to be here, and the people who, unfortunately, could not in all good conscience leave.

Of all of them, Kevin pitied the members of the third group. It was no wonder that those experienced with H-Con referred to it as the Year of Hell. A city full of maddening fanbeings, taking uninvited photos, asking unwanted questions, staring and grinning and getting into everything. And, if they were extremely unlucky, taking everything that wasn’t nailed down.

“Welcome to Earth, H-Con Cruiser One. Please keep all your receipts.”

Kevin hung up his headset, grabbed his suitcase, and proceeded with all due speed to the cruiser for Mars.

[Muse food remaining: 35. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Judging by the queue size this’ll take just over a month to get to the top of the pile, so that’s a nice gap. More of the budding relationship between K’iiv and Del please?

K'iiv waited anxiously at the appointed place. Underneath the big clock that, in clear defiance of the laws of time and space, still read four minutes to two. So far, he had preened himself, purchased Terran flowers, preened himself, checked the lay of his clothes,

http://snazzapplesweet.tumblr.com/post/77643252675/weh

Aelki rejected or signed off on proposals pending their explanation to Ambassador O'Ranges. He would never hear about the rejected proposals. They were the ones that, like candy in the back of the legendary van, were too good to be true and very obviously dangerous.

She was not exactly an administrative assistant. More like a human filter. In combination with adoptive mother, nursemaid, therapist, dietician, transit authority, private tutor… Either she had to sew

http://beltaguise.tumblr.com/post/76801104188/fantasy-lizard-people-where-the-females-dont-have

Found another one

Tom Katt sidled up to the lizard lady at the bar. He thought he could tell by her buxom figure and elegantly-styled dress in Botanic Greens.

“Hey, there, beautiful,” he smoothed. “Can I buy a lovely lady such as yourself a drink? What’s your pleasure?”

The lizard, towering over him by some five inches, glared down at him. “I’m a male,” he

“I’ve got an idea! It’s crazy, it defies all logic, it’s illegal in 16 solar systems and my mother would most assuredly not approve, but it just might work!”

Ax'and'l froze, fighting the primitive desire to burrow under a layer of dirt and conceal himself from predators that no longer existed. Humans had Fight or Flight. His kind had Dig and Ditch. “Hwell,” he murmured in a calm and soothing tone that most definitely did

In terms of romance, compared to humans, all other sentient species are incredibly awkward, stumbling over words, blurting nonsensical sentences, accidentally changing colour, releasing/commenting on pheromones, and/or bluntly stating their piece in a deadpan manner.

Conversely, compared to everyone else the most nervous and awkward of humans is a veritable poet.

She had been trying to speak to the idol of her heart for a Standard Month, now. They came to the same places at that she did. Showed evident

(Actually said by a friend today)

“I have absolutely no idea what it smells like… But it smells like food”

Amalgam Station masses roughly the same as a Dwarf Planet, but is much, much larger in size because Dwarf Planets do not, for instance, contain corridors, cavernous spaces, parks, amenities, and infrastructure.

People tend to forget this. What they know of Amalgam Station becomes the sole total of their experience and they wander no further than their own knowledge.

“It was rather like being surrounded by a mob of very curious puppies with no regard for one’s personal bubble. He/she stood very still lest he/she step on one and tried to resist the urge to pick one up for a cuddle”

There was also an urge to flee, shrieking, from the environment because the Trrt'krr -or ‘Jelly Dancers’- resembled nothing more than a sparkling cloud of very small jellyfish.

These were the

If it’s stupid but it works, it’s not a stupid idea.

*post-plan*

I don’t care if it worked, that was still a stupid idea.

Ax'and'l glared at them. Taking up space. They had been taking up space in Hwell’s quarters, but everywhere they went… Hwell just had to trot a few out into the open and try to sell them off.

“When are we going to get rid of those horrendous–

*sigh* The latest Story Snippet just won’t leave my brain.

So I’ll inflict it back on the author. 

http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/75405951567/challenge-00396-a031-to-stop-human

Directly related to this, can we see either some from the human that snuck into the ship’s POV or Koq'riix’s waking up after they left the two items.

[AN: Heh. The OP need not be notified ;) ]

Koq'riix jolted into awareness as the airlock cycled shut. It had been the

2.

It was agreed by all that watching them come running out of the perfectly ordinary museums, occasionally while screeching or falling over (or more bizarrely a combination of the above and laughter) was most amusing. It seemed to happen more often around museums with audio assistance too…

[AN: Accessibility is a common thing in the Amalgam Universe. Grav-lifts in the middle of stair columns. Ramps wherever possible. Audio and visual assistance in a ‘take one if needed’ basket

1.

No-one was quite sure if the now-almost-constant presence of at least a couple of humans wandering around the Museum of Disturbing Things ooh-ing and aah-ing at the exhibits made things better or worse..

What made the Disturbing Things so disturbing was not only that they existed, but the history that went with them.

Unsurprisingly, the humans had an entire wing. Some were gruesome exhibits from old Terra, like the skull of a man who survived being pierced through it with an

(unfortunate real-life inspiration time!)

Considering how the aliens react to comparatively non-corrosive/hazardous materials, they must have either gone into DEFCON 1 or completely catatonic the first time a human vomited.

Other humans making sympathetic noises and cleaning up  (*gasp* without even a hazard suit, the horror) while the aliens panic are completely optional

(No wonder the humans are insane, they’re full of hydrochloric acid strong enough to melt their own internal organs)

“We have lost spin,” said

It took a surprisingly long time for the other cogniscients to realise how much /they/ scared the humans too.

Of course, some got the message more quickly than others

Lo-grav worlds are rarer than high-grav ones. For reasons that become quickly obvious the more one learns of physics and biology.

When low-gravity life evolves, it happens in artificial environments.

Which are also targets for scavengers.

The spider-people of H'nuf'ruf learned of humans through such expeditions. They never saw humans as dangerous, and