Myths Illogical

A 198-post collection

Challenge #01197-C102: The Eternal Soldier

http://jewliesparks.tumblr.com/post/131527892833/wwii-era-vampires -- Gallifreya

He should have been 4F because he was 'allergic to sunlight' on his forms. But he told them that if he coated his exposed skin in zinc oxide, and wore sunglasses, he could deal. They gave him gloves to wear. And the fellows in the 40th Foot called him Warpaint. The enemy came to know him as The Ghost, owing to the fact that most of his sunscreen was white-only.

He could pass for twenty. And there was plenty of blood in war. At night, in the trenches, he could nip off to the lavvy and then fly out to the enemy. Take his fill there and wait for news of a mystery illness that was sweeping the Jerries' trenches.

He only needed to do it once a month, really. But a well-fed vampire didn't need so much sun protection. So he 'mysteriously sickened' the Jerries once a fortnight.

He found Emma - the name she was using back then - in one of the field hospitals. Dragging his best friend in from an ambush. An ambush that he and Carl were the only ones to survive. Him, because regular, mortal weapons could not kill a vampire, and Carl because Tom had been protecting him.

Both of them were covered in blood.

Despite his best efforts to stop it, Carl was in bad shape. Tom had seen his fair share of mortal death and more... but this one. Not this one. He had known Carl since he was a boy. Carl knew what he was and didn't flinch. He didn't get weird or fetishist, either. Friends like that were rare.

Emma took him away and gave his blood type without looking at Carl's dog tags. That was Tom's first clue. She took Tom away from the rushing medical staff and helped him wash, and acquire new fatigues that didn't look like he should be dead seventy times over.

His second clue came with her saying, "How long have you been eighteen?"

"Four hundred years," he said. "And you? How long have you been nineteen?"

She smiled mysteriously. "Don't you know it's rude to ask a lady how old she is?" She put his condition down as 'shell shock', which let him stay with Carl. And she also gently broke it to him that, despite the best that medicine could offer, Carl might not make it through the week.

Tom sat on the bed next to his friend. They had been friends for fifteen years. Fifteen years was a blink for a vampire well over four hundred. But here and now, it was not enough time. Tom clasped Carl's hand while he woke up. "I can help you," Tom whispered. "Let me help you. You can join me. Forever."

Carl shook his head. "...i'm not made for forever," he croaked.

Those were his last words.

*

Time creates distance. Tom married Emma, and took in orphans for forty years before they moved on and reset their ages with new names. Wars came and went. They always did. Soon enough, there were wars that were not worth fighting.

Life continued.

White vampires had to move every ten years. It helped that he and Em were black. They could stay for longer.

But he still came to the memorials. The biggest, clearest war where there were good guys and bad guys. He stood on the sides and saluted the old men as they tried to march past. And every year, there were less old men who had been there and children or grandchildren who marched in their place.

One such veteran pulled up short. Staring up from his wheelchair at Tom's face. "You look a hell of a lot like Tommy Blakelowe..."

"That's my grandfather," Tom lied. "I was named after him."

"Damn, that boy had some strong genes. You're the living spit of him. You should march."

"No. It's not my place." And because, if he took that old uniform out of mothballs, he would look exactly like Tommy Blakelowe. But that Tommy had 'died' some long years ago.

Too many awkward questions were a bad thing for a vampire.

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Challenge #01195-C100: Revenge on Holiday

Nemesis, the Goddess of Retribution is having a 'Human Day off' sort of. what happens next? -- KnitNan.

She was discovering many things. First among them was that Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain were to be enjoyed separately. Second was that Pina Coladas weren't all that enjoyable for deities. Third... the world loved a generous tipper.

But without her working on her job, there was an interesting change in humanity.

She watched, idly sipping something rainbow-coloured and highly alcoholic.

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Challenge #01191-C096: About a Monumental Hypocrisy

Another "Satan Reacts": http://www.rawstory.com/2014/01/satanic-temple-unveils-7-foot-goat-headed-baphomet-statue-for-oklahoma-capitol/ -- RecklessPrudence

[AN - a note for my Theistic followers in the YHWH section of the stadium. LaVeyan Satanists are actually a group of atheists who are hell-bent (sorry) on exposing Xtian hypocrisy when it comes to separation of Church and State in the US. They are Satanists in name only. The same way most Xtians are Xtian in name only, especially when it comes to teachings like "love thy neighbour" or

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Challenge #01172-C077: Forbidden Knowledge

http://gothiethefairy.tumblr.com/post/139710559083/seananmcguire-lizawithazed-roachpatrol -- Gallifreya

[AN: For the record, human skin makes really atrocious leather/parchment. I'm a writer. I research shit like this for fun]

The argument had gone something like this... If it was etched into a slab of granite, the information on it had to be really important.

Yes, said the opposing side. But there's also a reason why they moved a ten-ton slab of granite down the deepest pit that they had access to.

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Challenge #01161-C066: Unemployable

:Interview transcript segment:

Interviewee: Why am I the right fit for this job? Well, I'm not sure I'm the right fit for ANY job. I was at a cheap store, and there was this cheesy 'magic wand' lying there. It was out of its wrapper, and I was feeling silly, so I picked it up and said some nonsense. NOW look at me!

:Interviewee appears to be no longer human. Has antennae, three large multifaceted eyes spread equidistant around their head, a

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Challenge #01151-C054: One Blizzard-riddled Afternoon in the Antarctic Circle

Have you seen 'The Thing'? The 1982 one, based on 'Who Goes There?', not the 2011 prequel. Well...

Prometheus: I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of eternity TIED TO THIS FUCKING ROCK! -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: I've seen the 1950's version of The Thing (aka: The Secret Origin of the Flaming Carrot) and I have to wonder about scientist's need to give random shit from space some

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Challenge #01146-C049: Adventuring on Another Plane

:Text recieved on a phone:

hlep! i was trikc-or-treatign with my borther adn our douchebag cousni, adn they gave me smoe of thire haul, luahging abotu how they egged thsi wiccan ladeis houes aftre they got teh cnady, adn now i'm ni a fantays wrold as a griffin! youv'e got to fnid uot where she lievs, adn get hre to brnig me back! there's this ohter griffin taht's bene hagnign aruodn, i dno't know waht they watn!

:another text, some weeks later:

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Challenge #01130-C033: One Fine Day at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital

Magical medical tribulations

http://soluscrow.tumblr.com/post/138200678919/bjornwilde-dragonsinmeliodas-ajmakoko -- Gallifreya

[AN: I heartily advise you read that thread. It's amazing]

Doctor Lilandra Jovel specialised in the diagnosis of the strange, the unusual, and the unexpected. Ever since Monsters came to the surface, there had been all kinds of strange encounters. With equally strange results. And sometimes, the revelation of an old scandal.

"He just eats and eats and eats," said the mother. "But look at him. He's all skin and

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Challenge #01116-C019: One Relatively Quiet Evening by the Lake of Fire

So... how does Satan feel about this? http://radberto.tumblr.com/post/93236132738/sadyayo-i-always-thought-it-was-funny-as-shit (Couldn't find which of the people I'm subscribed to posted this, so I Googled it - have a random blog!) -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Take a look at these rules. They're generally along the lines of "respect other people" for the most part. Also, if you actually look at biblical Lucifer in the Old Testament, he's not actually all that evil. Heck I don't think he even did that

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Challenge #01115-C018: On the Road Between Nowt and Nowhere

"Is your brain EVER attached to your mouth?" -- Knitnan

Of all the demons in all the multiverse that Raflgast the Sable could have snagged, he had to ensnare one who was lacking a brain-to-mouth bypass. And not much going on in their brain, by the sound of things.

"...Na if yer goin' wi' a cosine limit between plus an' minus Plank's by Pi by th' factor o' current gravity in inches per second per second..."

"Demon," Raflgast growled.

"...the relative brane

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Challenge #01114-C017: Monologue of a Vampire

"...In truth, I'm no more a little girl than you are. I was once, of course. Three hundred years ago. Vampirism tends to keep one remarkably... fresh. It's been quite a boon looking like a child. No one ever suspects a thing." -- Anon Guest

Half a world away, before it turned, there had been a girl who called herself Daphne. She realised that it was easy to be invisible. You had to wear ribbons in your hair and skip everywhere. It

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Challenge #01113-C016: One Victorious Afternoon in a Battlefield

One of these days I wanna see a stereotypical-female-armor-design boobplate-clad character remove their helmet, and reveal they’re a man.

“Uh… well, Mom was a soldier, and since Sis was too young to fight, I got her hand-me-downs.” -- Anon Guest

The battle raged on, but it was clear that it was almost coming to a close. So far, one warrior left a swathe of ruined bodies behind her. People knew her by her armour. Delenna the Double Dangerous. Famous in story

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Challenge #01110-C013: Fear of the Gifted Child

http://thefingerfuckingfemalefury.tumblr.com/post/129483030883/ayellowbirds-sorceringing-the-vegan-muser -- RecklessPrudence

There were skeleton spiders in the lab. No, not the exoskeletons, which novices animated for practice, but actual spiders made of bones.

That one had a rib cage for an abdomen.

"Clerita... what the flying hell?"

Clerita, the problem child, the one who was always so far ahead of everyone that she seemed like she was behind, looked up from her current project. A bird with bony pinions. "Uhm," she said.

"Why?" demanded

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Challenge #01109-C012: One Fine Afternoon in the Vicinity of a Library

Pooka or Pookas, turn it or them loose. Have fun! -- Knitnan

The man was having a pleasant conversation with what looked to be a chair of thin air. Which immediately caught Shayde's interest.

"You stay away from that man, demon," warned Riflgast. "He has an affliction of the humours and is seeing things."

"Nope," said Shayde. As if she could see what the fellow was talking to. "He's got a case of th' Pookas, ye ken."

Riflgast almost fell off his

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Challenge #01102-C005: Curse? What Curse?

http://bonehandledknife.tumblr.com/post/133846067890/wewerenotthefirst-dude-what-if-a-prince-is

Have fun! -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Adult content warning: the link inside that post leads you to an article about some very interesting toys]

Camilla had wanted to undo the curse straight away, of course. She had never meant to turn her fiancée into a dragon in the first place. She should have known something was dodgy about that newt's eye extract.

And yet... Frederik was taking his transformation so well. He loved to fly, and

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