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Myths Illogical

A 190-post collection

Challenge #01116-C019: One Relatively Quiet Evening by the Lake of Fire

So... how does Satan feel about this? http://radberto.tumblr.com/post/93236132738/sadyayo-i-always-thought-it-was-funny-as-shit (Couldn't find which of the people I'm subscribed to posted this, so I Googled it - have a random blog!) -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Take a look at these rules. They're generally along the lines of "respect other people" for the most part. Also, if you actually look at biblical Lucifer in the Old Testament, he's not actually all that evil. Heck I don't think he even did that much in the New Testament, either...]

"Of course I had to go to eleven," argued Lucifer. His head was cradled in Lilith's lap. "That all mighty I-am, upstairs, had to do ten. And even he's lucky if his followers obey two or three."

"And yours don't follow yours at all, do they?"

"They're brainwashed. Brainwashed by Himself and His followers. I know it. People turn to me and they think it's all about killing goats or having sex with children or human sacrifices. They just want an excuse to be evil! It's... appalling what they can come up with."

"Wait... I thought we were supposed to be evil," murmured Lilith.

"Only technically. We disobeyed the orders of I-am and are therefore His enemies. That doesn't mean we're despicable. It just means that we said 'no' and He threw a massive fit."

Lilith laughed. "Yeah. The whole lake of fire thing is totally overreacting. Honestly. You give apes free will and then ask why they choose things... Sometimes I wonder if He knows what He's doing."

"Yeah. Sacrificing His son so there's only one rule? Sure, yay, He's simplified things. Congratulations. Now just how many of those rabid fans, up there, actually follow it?"

"Not one."

"Nobody. I think it was a mistake giving any of them any rules at all. They just know what they're supposed to disobey, now."

"I don't think they even read them."

Lucifer huffed a brief and ironic laugh. "Probably."

(Muse food remaining: 47. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01115-C018: On the Road Between Nowt and Nowhere

"Is your brain EVER attached to your mouth?" -- Knitnan

Of all the demons in all the multiverse that Raflgast the Sable could have snagged, he had to ensnare one who was lacking a brain-to-mouth bypass. And not much going on in their brain, by the sound of things.

"...Na if yer goin' wi' a cosine limit between plus an' minus Plank's by Pi by th' factor o' current gravity in inches per second per second..."

"Demon," Raflgast growled.

"...the relative brane

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Challenge #01114-C017: Monologue of a Vampire

"...In truth, I'm no more a little girl than you are. I was once, of course. Three hundred years ago. Vampirism tends to keep one remarkably... fresh. It's been quite a boon looking like a child. No one ever suspects a thing." -- Anon Guest

Half a world away, before it turned, there had been a girl who called herself Daphne. She realised that it was easy to be invisible. You had to wear ribbons in your hair and skip everywhere. It

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Challenge #01113-C016: One Victorious Afternoon in a Battlefield

One of these days I wanna see a stereotypical-female-armor-design boobplate-clad character remove their helmet, and reveal they’re a man.

“Uh… well, Mom was a soldier, and since Sis was too young to fight, I got her hand-me-downs.” -- Anon Guest

The battle raged on, but it was clear that it was almost coming to a close. So far, one warrior left a swathe of ruined bodies behind her. People knew her by her armour. Delenna the Double Dangerous. Famous in story

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Challenge #01110-C013: Fear of the Gifted Child

http://thefingerfuckingfemalefury.tumblr.com/post/129483030883/ayellowbirds-sorceringing-the-vegan-muser -- RecklessPrudence

There were skeleton spiders in the lab. No, not the exoskeletons, which novices animated for practice, but actual spiders made of bones.

That one had a rib cage for an abdomen.

"Clerita... what the flying hell?"

Clerita, the problem child, the one who was always so far ahead of everyone that she seemed like she was behind, looked up from her current project. A bird with bony pinions. "Uhm," she said.

"Why?" demanded

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Challenge #01109-C012: One Fine Afternoon in the Vicinity of a Library

Pooka or Pookas, turn it or them loose. Have fun! -- Knitnan

The man was having a pleasant conversation with what looked to be a chair of thin air. Which immediately caught Shayde's interest.

"You stay away from that man, demon," warned Riflgast. "He has an affliction of the humours and is seeing things."

"Nope," said Shayde. As if she could see what the fellow was talking to. "He's got a case of th' Pookas, ye ken."

Riflgast almost fell off his

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Challenge #01102-C005: Curse? What Curse?

http://bonehandledknife.tumblr.com/post/133846067890/wewerenotthefirst-dude-what-if-a-prince-is

Have fun! -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Adult content warning: the link inside that post leads you to an article about some very interesting toys]

Camilla had wanted to undo the curse straight away, of course. She had never meant to turn her fiancée into a dragon in the first place. She should have known something was dodgy about that newt's eye extract.

And yet... Frederik was taking his transformation so well. He loved to fly, and

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Challenge #01098-C001: The Company Kept

http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/post/136636127295/mikkeneko-torn-by-dreams-thewintergrump -- Gallifreya

[AN: This story comes as a sequel to this one ]

He didn't get it. And nobody could understand his side of it either. Derek was not confused or mislead. He knew what his heart wanted, more than anything else in the world. And that was Allethar.

From their increasingly brief times together, he could tell that Allethar's parents had similarly antiquated attitudes. There was talk from both the human and the dragon families

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Challenge #01091-B359: Here There Be Dragon Nesting Grounds

About learning a new way of breathing fire from her partner, that involves... well... nuclear fusion:

She's kept it a secret, yes. Long flights over the ocean... enormous detonations... a romantic evening for two dragons. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Sounds more like nuclear fission, but whatevs]

The tiny island had been turned to glass where it hadn't been turned to soot. And even the soot had burned off. And the heat from within spoke of lava, but Relikor could not sense any other

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Challenge #01089-B357: Sympathy for the Demons

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/135904233152/bluandorange-selkiecomrade-selkiecomrade

There was a large amount added to the Satan Claus post. -- Anon Guest

Demons across the multitudinous arenas of hell flinched. Their master was angry. Their master was calling.

"BELPHAGOOOOORRRRRRR!"

And that one demon was in deep, deep trouble.

The demon could not disobey the call of his master. He ran to the Great Office with his black heart pounding and his forked tongue knotted in fear. "I have come, master."

The Lord of

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Challenge #01088-B356: Catch of the Day

http://deathcomes4u.tumblr.com/post/135909651673/mythsofthesea-faerytale-wings-merman-and -- Anon Guest

[AN: Epileptics, beware of the gif background]

The water was her second home. People who knew Nel said that they were waiting for her to grow gills. The people of Nothéré Island knew her so well that she once attended a job interview in a bikini and flipflops. Nel knew everywhere on Nothéré in relation to the closest or the most convenient swimming location.

And it was one summer afternoon after a

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Challenge #01084-B352: One Early Dawn Ceremony Far From His Master's Tower

http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/post/133942666585/magic-aus-for-all-your-magic-au-needs

One more time -- Gallifreya

The demon looked down at the circle around the mage. "Yer kiddin' me, right?" it said. It looked like a human shape, but it was obviously not human. For a start, its skin was as black as coal, and its demonic eyes burned with their own fire.

"Avaunt, foul beast," said Tra'gyk the mage. He held up his binding talisman. "I hath summoned thee with my mighty magic and thou

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Challenge #01083-B351: Dir Satan...

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/135497280792/incurablenecromantic-eccentricmisseclectic

"Give me a heartwarming Christmas movie about Satan traveling around the world every Christmas to deliver presents to all the young kids and kids with learning disorders and disabilities who misspell “Santa” on their Christmas letters every year"

"And Santa’s all like, “You know, I can handle a few spelling mistakes, I got this,” and Lucifer is like “They’re addressed to me, fuck off, I’m doing it.”"

"Lucifer being protective of his

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Challenge #01082-B350: Haunted Model

http://tobiasandguy.tumblr.com/post/135382746545/selfie-its-harder-when-you-attract-unseen

Being followed around by invisible things that only show up on camera - and are always pulling faces when you want a nice picture. -- Gallifreya

"Just... don't. Don't take my photo. You'll regret it."

"What? But you're gorgeous."

He sighed. "I attract photobombing ghosts. It gets... ugly."

"Have you tried a--"

"Every psychic I could find. I even stroll those psychic reader tables at the mall. None of them can see or sense them.

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Challenge #01081-B349: Found Divinity

Prometheus, and all the other 'gave knowledge to mortals and was cast down for it' gods/goddesses/other mythical figures from various mythologies, being found by mortals, rescued from their punishments, and thanked properly. Even if it's only the first one being found, and the realisation that the others exist, and must be helped. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: After a little bit of Wiki Wandering, Prometheus is the only one who got punished for sharing wisdom... but I can pretend there's others]

The

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