Just Add Prompt

A 4874-post collection

Challenge #00544 - A169: The Fine Print

If you’re going to make a year-long agreement, you’d better be sure you know whose year you’re using.

“What do you mean I’m still under contract?” Terry demanded. She tried not to make a fist around all her vital documents. “It says five years. It’s been five years. And forty-eight hours, and that’s only because it took that long to get all the forms filled out.”

“I’m very sorry, but they’re not local years.” The clerk, a quiet and inherently nervous Lorraine, looked just about ready to cry in sympathy. “This codicil, here, stipulates that the contract is using the definition of ‘year’ according to the drafting lawyer’s planet of origin.”

“Okay… so where’s that lawyer from?”

Takatta takatta takatta. “Oh no. Oh, no… I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry… The company you signed on with? They exclusively use Ghiishemite lawyers.”

“Let me guess,” Terry braced herself for the inevitable, metaphorical impact. “Ghiishem has a really long calendar.”

Cogniscents waiting to gain access to the Visitor Help Centre flinched at the outraged scream of “SIX HUNDRED AND FORTY-FIVE DAYS?”

Terry waited once again for Lorraine to dawn over the cusp of her desk.

“Sorry. You still have three Standard years, two weeks and three days on your contract. If you’d like? I could help you contact the Cogniscent Rights Commission? They have a standing Class Action Suit against contracts like this one?”

Three more years. Three more flakking years. And two weeks and three Powers-cursed days. “Oh yes,” she said. “Oh yes please. I would love to talk to the Cogniscent Rights’ Commission about this one.”

[Muse food remaining: 15. Submit a promptAsk a questionBuy my stories!]

Challenge #00544 - A169: The Un-Secret

Dunno if you’ll like this one, but I ran across it:

“The thing about evolving on a death world is that you don’t really realize you’re doing so until you get the chance to leave it. Up to that point the presence of carnivorous monsters, venomous micropredators, extreme climatic conditions, geological instability, the most lethal cocktail of microbial and viral life forms in the galaxy and of course the crushing gravity, seemed entirely natural. Until we left Earth

Read more »

Challenge #00543 - A168: Sufficiently Advanced... Rituals

[In a discussion about technically-proficient people (of any subdivision) and the lies-to-children told to those they have to interact with]

I think we know why wizards just act all cryptic and stuff…

I imagine they had to keep explaining their knowledge of the arcane to the average peasant over and over again until they just got fed up with it.

And that’s how we get wizards, mages and sorcerers who seem to delight in not giving a straight answer. – RecklessPrudence

Read more »

Challenge #00542 - A167: One Familiar Face

“That’s 19, last question.”

“Ok, it’s a person, a guy, dark haired, kinda short, amnesiac, fast healing/possibly immortal, older than 200 years, uses bladed weapons, knows lots of martial arts, and fights against people trying to take over and/or destroy the world.”

"Yep.”

“Is it Wolverine?”

“What? No, it was Van Helsing.”

“…”

“…”

*dawning realisation*

No way…”

“Mr Logan?”

“Yeh, Tallwater?”

Read more »

Challenge #00541 - A166: Ancient Curses

Fragmen of stupri mauris. Quare non opus est? — RecklessPrudence

[AN: I ran this through a translator and got: “Piece of fucking shit. Why not work?” :D LOL ]

There’s working on repairs with trained technicians… and then there’s working with someone who’s learned certain things by rote as part of a holy ritual. Someone who - though she had the brains to work out that the rituals were supposed to be useful, and had successfully applied some of them in

Read more »

Challenge #00540 - A165: Opus Apparatus Spurius

Series of posts, each blank line denotes a new poster:

[Comparing real-life understanding of tech by the people maintaining it to a fictional universe] Of course, this is minus the stupid witch doctor rituals.

“Have you tried turning it off and on again?” comes to mind. And a lot of other rituals.

Doesn’t that actually help with a significant portion of callers?

[Fictional universe organisation] rituals work too, except when they don’t. Doesn’t make it any less

Read more »

Challenge #00539 - A164: Come to Australia (You Might Accidentally Get Killed)

“On most airplanes, in an emergency oxygen masks will be deployed from above your seat. This is an Australian airplane however; in an emergency, we will deploy drop bears from above your seat.”

Either way, the lack of oxygen problem is quickly solved. – RecklessPrudence

“What? Why would you do something that barbaric?” Esterhazy boggled.

“Well, the oxygen systems are tied to the landing gear, see,” Shirl expanded without missing a beat. “If there’

Read more »

Challenge #00538 - A163: Graveworld

The universe is probably littered with the one-planet graves of cultures which made the sensible economic decision that there’s no good reason to go into space—each discovered, studied, and remembered by the ones who made the irrational decision. – RecklessPrudence

Nobody knew what the natives called it. There were no natives to ask. Whatever had happened on this world had destroyed all but the simplest and toughest of organic life, but left the buildings and infrastructure to be slowly buried

Read more »

Challenge #00537 - A162: Panelbeating

“Wow, how’d you get it to work?”
“I ran a Physical Impulse Mechanical Stress Routine”
“Huh?”
“I kicked it.”
“Ahh.” – RecklessPrudence

It really only took ten minutes to fix, in the end. A little heat. And a lot of whacking with the right kind of maintenance.

She charged them an Hour for her work, part of which was a ‘luck tax’. As in, they were lucky they reached

Read more »

Chalenge #00536 - A161: Mercy Maintenance

I’ve made jokes about “Reboot… with steel toes” and “troubleshooting with a 12-Gauge - PULL!” plenty of times! – RecklessPrudence

A certain sign of doom amongst engineers is whistling backwards. It means something expensive is about to happen. When they hiss through their teeth whilst breathing in… there’s very little to be done.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” asked Rael, off-the-books-apprentice.

“Eh,” the engineer currently in charge shrugged. “Pass me

Read more »

Challenge #00535 - A160: Reve-rie

“Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world.” - Oscar Wilde c/- RecklessPrudence

Everyone who met her knew that there was something wrong with Sai’dut. She would talk to herself, or stop her appointed tasks to stare at something irrelevant, she would grow forgetful or latch on to some asinine entertainment and learn everything that nobody wanted to know

Read more »

Challenge #00534 - A159: Exceptions to the Rule

An Outside Context Problem is the sort of thing most civilisations encounter just once, and which they tend to encounter rather in the same way a sentence encounters a full stop.
-“Excession,” definition of an OCP c/- RecklessPrudence

Thus it is that the Cogniscent Rights Committee has passed numerous laws to prevent them. Shipping through inhabited systems with recognised intelligent life native to them is generally forbidden until such time as that native population has regular and reliable space flight.

Read more »

Challenge #00533 - A158: Relative Cartography

Google Maps is accurate. Apple Maps is the product of Dali and Picasso smoking a joint before painting the child of a canary and penguin with a frightened cat used as the paint brush, then selling the result as a map. – RecklessPrudence

There’s an old human saying, that there is no such thing as an accurate map. Maps lie.

For a start, they compress thousands of square distance units into flat expanse capable of -for instance- being held by

Read more »

Challenge #00532 - A157: Pee Ode

On a scale of one to “I will invent a time machine explicitly for murdering your parents,” how mad do you think [person] is? – RecklessPrudence

“Ambassador Z0rk? He’s always tetchy.”

“That’s tetchy?” Shayde boggled. “Remind me never tae get him PO'ed.”

“Pee… ode?”

“Pissed off. Angered. Riled. Bluidy furious.”

Humans. They were equally confusing in any temporal zone. At least she wasn’t mysteriously speaking

Read more »

Challenge #00531 - A156: Hidden in Plain Sight

“But, how did you know that the file contained their secret plans for world domination?”
“Because it was labelled ‘secret plans for world domination’.” — RecklessPrudence

K’orvoth could not believe that the humans would be that stupid. Or stupid enough to lable said plans in all known languages where anyone could read it.

Or to leave such things on an unsecured commconsole in the open.

He could not believe this windfall. “Decrypt it at once,” he ordered. “We

Read more »