Instant Story

Did I mention that one of the perks of this job offer is that you get to burn down your current office? – RecklessPrudence

(#00374 - A009)

Amycus Carrow looked at the pink mess in front of him. The kitten plates were gone, but the abundance of pink remained in the office like a pall of death.

Delores Umbrige hadn’t cleaned up after herself when she was taken for psychiatric assistance.

Behind him, Headmaster Severus Snape caught his aura of

‘Is there really method to your madness, or just a functional madness successfully disguising itself as method?’

‘Both, of course, the precise proportions varying according to time and place.’ – RecklessPrudence

Rael watched helplessly as Shayde ‘wreaked hob’ on the enemy systems. She was cackling.

His own instincts to fix were not a problem in this situation. Digesting the poison they’d tried to use on them was. It was doing things to his internal systems that was, frankly,

Missing the forest for the exotic small mites living under the feathers of the woodpecker. – RecklessPrudence

She was focussed intently on the little bird on the branch above her. Of course, as an avian herself, birds were nothing new. But this little creature was like nothing that came from the records of Hu'lu'a. It did not scratch or pick at the bark between her and the grubs. It hammered at it.

Toktoktoktoktoktoktoktok…

She could infer that this creature had protection

He was not so much burning the candle at both ends as he was hosing it down with a flamethrower. – RecklessPrudence

He knew he never had very long, and his habits almost personally guaranteed it. Self-maintenance was limited to a brief encounter with the toothbrush once a morning, a shower simultaneously, and whatever food seemed the most convenient at the time.

Those who cared for him told him not to burn his candle at both ends. He ignored them.

Too much

When you are aboard an alien construct of uncertain design and purpose, you touch nothing! You have no way of knowing if a lever could vent the atmosphere into space…if…if a switch could activate flesh-eating nanobots! Until you have studied everything, you have to assume that this station’s sole purpose was to isolate and destroy you personally! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! – RecklessPrudence

(#00369 - A004)

Humans.

The very word quickly became an agonised plea to the

Whoa whoa whoa… stop right there! What have I told you both? We do not…ever…goad the universe! –RecklessPrudence

(#00368 - A003)

Herman’s hand was covered in chalk. He had run out of blackboards and was now working on the walls. “If. We. Can. Synthesize. A breach. In space. And time…”

“In orbit,” said Newt.

“We could… theoretically…”

“Warp the space-time continuum and travelvastdistancespreviouslyunknowntoman! Jus'thinkofallthediscoveries!

That made you honestly depressed once you realised it was only a dream? And not for one of the usual reasons - living loved ones, missed chances taken, you’re a superhero - but for something on a much larger scale?

Say for instance, you had a dream that lead to near-free energy for all, universal healthcare and education (there was no distinction in living quality to mark the Third World anymore), grand societal change for equality and to redress past

…on making humans unique on a galactic scale without turning us to either primitive brutes, diplomats, or supah-speshul-snowflakes.

I’m not sure if I’ve submitted this before, but a cursory search didn’t turn up anything.

Poster A: Humanity possesses the right combination of above average curiosity and below average sense of self-preservation. This has lead to us following technical development pathways that the rest of the galaxy would consider, well, insane.

When other species reached for

*Alien and Minionbot are watching the sky. They are in one of the major polities located on a large landmass in the northern hemisphere. It is the non-sunward-facing portion of the fourth segment of the seventh larger segment of the planets orbit, by hu-mon calender.*

Minionbot: So historically, these hu-mons seek dominance by attempting to detonate one another with precise munitions.

Alien: Right.

Mb: And being dominated, they attempt independence by detonating their oppressors with the same precise munitions.

A: Right again.

“The problem with quotes on the internet, is that you can never tell if they are genuine or not.”
-Benjamin Franklin (c/- RecklessPrudence)

(#00363)

“The same thing’s been said about the Galactic Text-nets, though it was attributed to Mark Twain.”

“Really? I’d have thought they’d give it to Confucius.”

“Which one? The lizard, the bug, or the human?”

This resulted in a minute’s worth of

2000 Mockingbirds = 2 Kilomockingbirds
Basic Unit of Laryngitis = 1 Hoarsepower
453.6 Graham Crackers = 1 Pound Cake
1 Kilogram of Falling Figs - 1 Fig Newton
Time Between Slipping on a Banana Peel and Smacking the Pavement = 1 Bananosecond
Half of a Large Intestine = 1 Semicolon – RecklessPrudence

(#00362)

“Echo!”

The space whirling with birds now filled with imitations of Shayde’s voice saying ‘echo’.

This pleased her no end. “Oh aye, they’re mockin'birds.