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Humans Are Weird

A 174-post collection

Challenge #02740-G183: Got Your Back

Bold of you to assume I reached peak dumbass -- Anon Guest

There are plans that are works of art. There are other plans, much like this one, that seem to have been produced by wiping one's bodily waste expulsions all over the blueprint page. There's half-assed plans and... whatever this was.

It was equal parts improvisation, desperation, innovation, and flat-out perspiration. After the lingering echoes of all the explosions died down and they were safe in the middle of a host of Mediks, Throq finally found the power of their own words under their control once more.

"That," Throq announced, "has to be the stupidest, least-thought-out, idiotic, dumb-ass move of all time!"

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Challenge #02736-G179: Falling? Flying!

My god these two are too f*cking precious. Welp (cocks gun) let’s make sure it stays that way. -- Anon Guest

He'd never been a fan of damsels in distress. He much preferred the kind of girl who could go down snarling. So when they were sent to rescue some muckety-muck who had been abducted by some other nonsense group, Kudge had never expected to meet her halfway. She was filthy, dishevelled, and bore a weapon she had clearly stolen

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Challenge #02734-G177: Sub-telepathy in Action

Ever worked in an call centre? or in retail? How about gone shopping in the middle of the day? Sat down after a busy day just wanting to relax?

what do all these things have in common. How you seemingly know you won't be able to relax, even if there is a Lull, It Spontaneously gets Busy, as if everyone gets the same Idea to do the SAME thing right at the same time. be at the same place as you at

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Challenge #02726-G169: Only Two? Since When?

A: are you a guy or a girl?

B: yes

A: no, what’s in your pants

B: 1.50 and some lint

A: ok, what’s in between your legs?

B: DETERMINATION

A: alright then guess my race

B: human

A: why yes but actually no -- Anon Guest

[AN: I don't think any decent person would actually utter the words "what's between your legs" because that's way too intimate a question for casual conversation. Person A in the above interchange

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Challenge #02729-G172: Tis the Season

Human 1: so what about you?

Human 2: I learned how to make paper cranes so I'm going to make them in different colors and put them in everyone's bedroom with notes like "this little bird told me xyz"

Human 1: ...

Human 1: epic. -- Anon Guest

Aprilfools: A Human holiday/tradition involving trickery, deceit, pranks, and practical jokes. Owing to many Terran Colony calendars becoming out of sync with the planet of origin, the entire Terran month of April has become

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Challenge #02725-G168: A Matter of Technicality

Human1: Damn if Australia pushed our level 4 deathworld to a 4.5 I’m worried about you guys exploring the unexplored 70% of our ocean.

Human2: it’s not 70% it’s 95%

Crewmate: wait what? -- Anon Guest

"Ah... that's a mis-assumption," said Thorq. "The Deathworlder classification is based on how many environmental factors are hostile to the development of intelligent life. In the case of most of the Earth, it's the fauna, the weather, the flora, and the ocean.

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Challenge #02711-G154: Helping Companions

An instructor greets his new students in the class known as "Know Your Human" A class meant to prepare various individuals for the maddeningly wonderful work known as being a human's companion.

It is well known that humans are insane, dangerous, and violent. And yet, they are also the most gentle, kind, thoughtful, and soothing species in the galaxy. You will find they are wild, yet tame, they are beyond stupid, yet terrifyingly brilliant, they brought their furry headaches known as cats,

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Challenge #02708-G151: Bug of Contention

The two humans in this ship are really close. They will do nearly anything to save the other. On the other claw, they destroyed the training room arguing about whether a certain earth insect is a lighting bug or firefly. -- Anon Guest

The two Ships' Humans were out of breath, bruising, and one of them had a dark reddish-brown ichor leaking from their nose. They were also kept well out of each other's grip by the presence of Companion Jorx directly

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Challenge #02701-G144: Unhealthy Social Strategies

Human Sean has invited me to drink with him, and to talk about his woes. After a few bottles he spilled what’s been on his mind. “my friend is three-timing”. I was shocked, I learned that humans were monogamous, of course falling in love with another is not all that surprising, but three?! In that moment I asked “do their partners knows about this?” Sean finished the bottle a new bottle before answering.”they do, and they confessed that that have

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Challenge #02700-G143: All Possible Help

A: I must ask, what are those around you arms and legs?

B: I’m testing something I call “exo-suit” of course it’s not complete yet, but I’m done with the torso.

A: you made a hole through titanium.

B: and it’s not neurologically-linked yet -- Anon Guest

Of course Human Asty was up to something in the workshop. The ship-shuddering boom was a dead giveaway. Companion Zee decided to see what the devastation was about this time before

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Challenge #02696-G139: The Whoa Signal

Have you ever wondered what [REDACTED] is? Not many know about it, apparently it is a [REDACTED] that is able to [REDACTED] out of [REDACTED]. But that’s not all; if you're able to [REDACTED] with it you’ll be able to-

Sorry they’re getting closer, but so am I to finding [REDACTED] full capacity. Meet me at [REDACTED] and we’ll discuss more with less ears in the wall.

[END OF TRANSMISSION] -- Anon Guest

Some people should never be

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Challenge #02686-G129: Small Messy Disruptive Creatures

It goes about on all fours, eats kibble, and gets into the trash to chew on things. Is it a dog, or a human infant? The answer is yes. And in this instance, we're very glad it was the baby, because there was cocoa powder in the trash can, and she was chewing through garbage to get to it. -- Anon Guest

Human Diz was looking even more tired than normal, and they had been tired for almost a year, but this

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Challenge #02685-G128: Little, Yellow, Different

She was heavy-set, had a constant cough, but otherwise was very quiet. The human that signed aboard the science vessel was younger than they'd ever had before as an officer. The only reason it had been allowed was her parents had signed a statement saying they agreed to allow her to go and all tests indicated that she could handle the job. Botanical scientist. Her friends always called her "botany geek", to which she'd smile, laugh, and then cough. When the medics

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Challenge #02676-G119: Hot, Brown, and Horrifying

There are many unspoken laws across the galaxy. Don’t provoke a calm man. Fear the wrath of a protective mother. Don’t take any of Human Girth's drinks. Ok maybe not that the last one but it only applies to one ship. -- Anon Guest

Welcome aboard the Poke And Run, do not accept beverages from the Ship's Human. You do not want to know why. Even though we know you'll say you do. The usual rules of space travel apply:

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Challenge #02674-G117: Planet Pet-it

Whole planets dedicated to humans need to touch things. They range from your typical cat cafe walking with elephants, to even swimming with sharks. And that's just the animals from earth! Each plant has a different variety of species to accommodate any human, Making them a great alternative for humans who keep touching the unknown animals on equally unknown planets. -- Anon Guest

Humans look with their hands. This is a known, if confusing fact. Humans have reasonably reliable senses that use

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