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Discworld

A 19-post collection

Challenge #02062-E238: Magical Progress Goes Twinkle

Unseen University's Hex nails the math for reliable translocation -- Anon Guest

Magic has rules. This is a fact as real as the turtle that swims underneath the world. Or the four elephants on its back that support the entire disk. In order to fly, one must drop an equal weight and really know how to stick the landing. Magic can turn lead into gold, but that gold will make you sick if you hang on to it for too long. For reasons unknown, it also glows in the dark.

Hex was built to find all of the rules. It was built to twist the rules. It was built to figure out how, exactly, the rules could be bent, warped, spindled or mutilated without breaking them. It was alright saying that the Rite of Ashkente could be performed with two wooden planks and an egg, but what size egg? Did it matter if the planks were meticulously created out of a toothpick?[1]

Fortunately for all concerned, Hex does all of this research in a purely virtual field. It works things out mathematically. Which is a lot better than the alternatives[2]. At least, it was. Until the entire assembly of Hex went "twinkle" and vanished in a cloud of glitter.

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Challenge #01987-E163: One Mildly Ominous Evening in Ankh-Morpork

Archancellor Ridcully slowly walked around the blue box. It looked safe enough, despite the weird noise as it appeared. -- Anon Guest

And then someone who looked almost exactly like that fellow from the post office[1] popped out from the door. "Oh hallo," he said. "I seem to be very much lost. You see, I was on my way to Barcelona, and..." He trailed off. "Have I been here before?"

Archancellor Ridcully had a train of thought that couldn't be shifted

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Challenge #01912-E088: Just a Wee Dram Ye Ken

It's St Patrick's Day, Irish Pub - Feegles. (AKA the Wee Free Men, of Sir Terry's Discworld.) -- Anon Guest

Up the airy mountain,
Down the rushy glen,
We daren’t go a-hunting
For fear of little men; -- William Allingham, The Fairies

Britain has an Agency for everything. National Health, Child Welfare, Disability Assistance, you name it, they have it. They're also the home headquarters of UNIT and WHO, the United Nations International Taskforce and the Weird Happenings Organisation, respectively. And

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Challenge #01909-E085: Some Bargain

"Oook!" Life was so much better. With a tip of the hat to Sir Terry. -- Anon Guest

When you got right down to it, being transformed into one of the great apes wasn't that bad. Living expenses became super-cheap when all one needed was a hanging tyre and a blanket or three in a corner. The diet was bland, but affordable. Especially if one knew a guy who knew a guy who worked in gardening and could supply an ape with

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Challenge #01812-D351: GNU Terry Pratchett

The four lesser horsemen of Panic, Bewilderment, Ignorance and Shouting took control of the room. -- Knitnan

There's a reason why lesser horsemen are lesser horsemen. They can't help but be what they are. Panic is a whirlwind of anxiety. Bewilderment can't find their own arse with an atlas. Ignorance says all the things your racist in-law does that just make you want to burn and die from the shame. Shouting is almost a relief, because all they are is LOUD.

And

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Challenge #01406-C311: Yeth Mathter

"Good morning Mathter/Mithtress, it's tho hard to tell these dayth, my name ith Igor, and I'm here to help." Suddenly finding an Igor(a la Terry Pratchett) on your doorstep. -- Knitnan

"I'm hallucinating. I have to be hallucinating. You aren't real. I've finally broken my brain from lack of sleep..."

"A helping hand where needed, thir or madam," the Igor lurched inside.

"Mx," said Fran. "I'm non-binary." Ze yawned. "I got two jobs, college, and I'm babysitting... I don't think

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Challenge #01264-C169: Magic, and Dragons, and Watchmen -- Oh My!

Prompt:

The Doctor gets blipped to Ankh-Morpork. You must include all three of the title refs in the story. -- Anon Guest

Sam Vimes didn't trust the things that people normally thought of as trustworthy. He knew damn well that Von Lipwig, up at the Post Office, was a liar and a thief. But he had an honest face and a ready smile and a firm handshake... because that was what people trusted.

And then there was this fellow. He dressed like

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Challenge #01178-C083: Know Your Shit

Much like the most-well-known example of dragon blood, all manner of bodily fluids of various magical creatures are themselves a potent source of mana, quintessence, or other such magical powers, and thus are much sought-after by those inclined toward practicing arcane experimentations. Troll sweat, unicorn spit, mermaid tears, fairy urine... really, it's both fascinating and slightly disgusting what bizarre things wizards and alchemists are willing to buy from those who are willing to sell... -- Anon Guest

Ekumar was a Filth Dealer.

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Challenge #01100-C003: One Almost Humorous Afternoon in a Discworld Pub

Scumble. from the Wonderful World of Sir Terry Prachett. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I suspect this is you, Knitnan]

"It's made from apples," said the grinning local.

"Mostly apples," amended the barman.

The visitor from another dimension picked it up. "I like apple juice," said the brass machine, and downed the thimble-full[1] in a trice. The steam-powered machine smacked its lips for a few seconds. "Kinda fizzy," he said. "Is it supposed to taste rotten?"

"Er," said one of the formerly-guffawing

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Challenge #01099-C002: Sample Curse

"Oh! It's easy to get Feegles out of a pub. You just have to know how." -- Knitnan

"And how, pray tell," said the beleaguered barman, "does one get Feegles out of a pub?"

Tiffany Aching cleared her throat and climbed up to stand on the bar. ""Some schemie at the standin' stones is lookin' fer a tussle!"

The barman joined her on her perch as the Feegles stampeded out of the bar and towards the standing stones. The very distant standing

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Challenge #01074-B342: When Realities Collide

"No, sir. They're not green, they're blue! They talk funny and they're drinking everything!" -- Anon Guest

[AN: a doff of the witch's hat and a formal bow to Sir Terry Pratchett. You are still missed. Also I saw that reference to Monty Python, you magnificent sneak]

Kazooland, though it is a reality unto itself, is also a Corridor realm. It has little back doors to every other realm of imagination. Soft spots where you can trip over another reality without a

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Challenge #01046-B314: "Surprise" Party

Nanny Ogg throws Granny Weatherwax a surprise 70th birthday party at the Lancre pub. -- Anon Guest

Birthdays are generally a special occasion. Witch's birthdays doubly so. Not many of them prefer to make their age known, lest the C-word inevitably slip from someone's mouth.

Gytha had done her best. She'd set up in a place where Esme Weatherwax never went if she could prevent it. The local pub. She'd laid on every treat she could, including the mandatory ham bun; because,

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ikaricrossinglines:tiniestdormouse:RIP Sir Terry PratchettAnnouncement here:It is with immeasurable sadness that we announce that author Sir...

ikaricrossinglines:

tiniestdormouse:

RIP Sir Terry Pratchett

Announcement here:

It is with immeasurable sadness that we announce that author Sir Terry Pratchett has died at the age of 66.

Larry Finlay, MD at Transworld Publishers:
“I was deeply saddened to learn that Sir Terry Pratchett has died. The world has lost one of its brightest, sharpest minds.

In over 70 books, Terry enriched the planet like few before him. As all who read him know, Discworld was his vehicle to satirize this

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