So today's disorganised from the get-go. So obsessed with taking my meds that I forgot to parent this morning. Rushed kid ready anyways so yay there.
I have Post Covid Cough. Fun times. The steroids I'm on should fix that. [Should is not is, far too frequently in my book] But also I have some lingering tremula. Shuddering and shaking like a little wet dog. That interferes with many things.
Mostly including strength checks, but I find my way around it. Thanks, long experience with ventolin nebules, you have taught me well.
So. Also this morning was:
- A panic attack by proxy - Mum called and said her internet was misbehaving more than normal and thought the worst had happened.
1a. Also Mum needs some lessons in doing internet things but I still can't come see her yet because I might still carry the Rona. I have no idea when this iso period is going to end and I really should ask, but also a lot on my plate.
- A panic attack in person - I'm continuing to have blood pressure [I think] issues and the firkin BPM cuff we have doesn't like working with me
- An accidental offense to my Beloved because I lack volume control when I panic. I needed fast results, she's a slow starter in the morning, and all I heard from the miscommunication is, my feelings are more important than your needs. Fun times. We've had a discussion and we're trying different approaches to the issue. Fingers crossed.
- Capt S. is in hospital for gallstones and the doctors found a growth so of course I'm the dumping ground for that stress too and a communications medium between her and Beloved.
I don't need this.
We need new tech because the BPM cuff we have won't work when I need it to, and that means new BPM cuff. We still haven't rolled the ball on Jolie's dental because not enough dosh and I want to get that DONE, damnit.
We'd have more money if I could get my nonsense published, but I'm still sifting through potentiates and it's taking time we don't have so my self-blame issues are making everything WORSE.
I just had a little cry about all that. Straw on the Camel's back and all. I have a fucking haystack.
I feel lost and worn to a whisper and helpless with it.
I need a hero. Or at least a rescue.