Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

In a chain restaurant, with an inebriated thunder/lightning god tired of freaking THOR getting all the attention, while he decides he needs...

(#00019)

It was a dark and -o god- stormy night. The bums that usually cleared out five minutes before the little tip saucer appeared on their table hung around and actually dropped change on the saucer.

Pennies, for the most part. The occasional nickel, crying because it was alone. And one ancient-looking coin and a string of cowrie shells.

Aisha freshened up the weirdo’s coffee and said, “We prefer legal tender, here.” The coin was surprisingly heavy and almost disgustingly filthy.

“That coin,” slurred the bum, “could buy this whole block. ‘Sgotmy face on it.”

“Sure it does,” smiled Aisha, subconsciously checking her avenues for escape. She had to take it, because otherwise the bum would forget the money - or in this case, filthy old junk - actually belonged to Aisha and take it back.

“It is also a powerful totem against lightning.”

_It’s a good thing we only serve coffee after hours…._ At the risk of repeating herself, she said, “Sure it is,” and scraped some of the filth off. Some really old imagery. “This is a very weird picture of… Thor? Isn’t he s'posed'a have a hammer, not a spear?”

“Thor. Ha!” Thunder punctuated their conversation, as if objecting to the outmoded blasphemy. “Thor gets all the freaking credit. Followers. Comic books. Movies. Now he’s swanning around like Fabio and more 'me me me’ than backstage at the opera. *Thor*…”

“Oh… kay. I needed a reminder why it’s never a good idea to chat with customers. Thanks for that.”

“There are older gods. Better gods. Purer gods. From the first places! We came before *any* of those simpering posers from the north. Or the east.”

None of the other bums seemed interested in rescuing her. Or calling for more coffee. Or fake-calling for more coffee in order to rescue her. _It’s official. Chivalry is dead._ “Of course there are.”

“Ancient. Like that coin. They say Croesos invented coins, because he is whiter than those who did invent them. Just like they have Thor instead of the mighty Shango!”

“Shango? My nanna used to tell me about Shango…” Aisha checked the coin again. That wasn’t a badly-rendered breastplate. Those were badly-rendered breasts. Shango the Thunder Queen. Who split the air with her spears of light.

…amongst many other unlikely things…

“Thor has all the attention. Thor has all the glory. Thor has fucking comic books… But he is only pretend, compared to the mighty Shango!” Another thunder crash.

Pops, scrubbing away at the grille, stared through the service window at Aisha, who made desperately covert bail-me-out signals.

“I used to have the adoration of thousands. Thousands!”

“Poor you,” sighed Aisha.

Pops smirked and shook his head and shrugged. Pops-sign for “I’m not doing jack until there’s a fight.”

_Thanks a bunch, Pops._

“Now, I am lucky to have a few hundred who even know my name.”

“Poor you,” sighed Aisha.

One of the bums hanging out at the bar decided that outside was starting to look better than inside.

“I have been searching for a real warrior. Someone who cn stand to fight the battle ahead. A champion among champions.”

“GreatIhopeyoufindhim.”

“Him?” The weirdo laughed, and outside, a cacophany of thunder almost obliterated the sound. “No man is equal to a woman. Especially a young woman. Not even if he knows my name.”

Weirder and weirder. “Uh. What?”

“No man alive has the magic to grow another human inside him. No man has been born who can withstand the fight to bring a life into the world. No man can bear the brunt of menses like a woman can. He is simply not strong enough. No. You, Aisha. You are the champion I seek.”

The dirty hoodie slipped open during her speech. Shango. Old and withered, but still recognisably Shango. With her hair knotted into complicated buns on either side of her head.

Nanna once told Aisha that they were for knocking sense into her allies when they argued too long.

“And so they are, when I am close to you.”

The dirty old umbrella by her side was looking less and less umbrella-like by the minute. And Shango actually looked a little more… vitalized.

“Why me?”

“Because you know me. Because there is a part of you that believes. Because you look at these pale, sad men that have been made into gods and wish that just once, they would show someone like you in a position of power.”

“…more than once would be better…” mumbled Aisha.

“How about the opportunity to be a champion… every day?”

Most of the surviving imagery flew into her head. “Uhm. I wouldn’t have to run around in a skin-tight outfit with my boobs hanging out, would I?”

“Only if that pleases you.”

“No… I think that’d get the wrong kind of attention.” Aisha lowered her voice to a whisper as she sat opposite the ancient African goddess. “Way too many men.”

The mighty Shango grinned. “I was right to choose you. You will do well.”

[Want more? Submit a prompt or ask a question!]

Fanfic Time: Don't Pity Me part 28

Very much NSFW fic continued from yesterday:

Fracture Twenty-Eight: Confessions

  “Ach! This is turning into a soap opera…” said Papa.

  “I can understand the confusion,” Kurt grinned a little. “The *how* I found out is even more confusing than the *what* I found out.” He gave Kitty a squeeze, and smiled when he didn’t instantly find a bone. She was starting to fill out at long last. Kurt surrendered to temptation and sampled

Read more »

In a police station, with a cop, who just discovered that her latest one-night stand is now the main suspect in a nasty case.

(#00017)

There are ten thousand dirty stories in this city. I’m just one of them. My name is Miki Spelaine. I’m a cop. And in case you missed the magnificent boobs and the ass made of sass, I’m also a girl.

Treat me right, I’m a lady. Do me wrong… well, you better not do me wrong.

This job is littered with divorces and broken relationships. Being a cop eats love and spits

Read more »

<p>Warren Buffett, in a recent interview with CNBC, offers one of the best quotes about the debt ceiling:</p> <p>"I could end the deficit...

Warren Buffett, in a recent interview with CNBC, offers one of the best quotes about the debt ceiling:

“I could end the deficit in 5 minutes,” he told CNBC. “You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP, all sitting members of Congress are ineligible for re-election.

The 26th amendment (granting the right to vote for 18 year-olds) took only 3 months & 8 days to be ratified! Why? Simple! The people

Read more »

Fanfic Time: Don't Pity Me part 27

Very Much NSFW fic continued from yesterday:

Fracture Twenty-Seven: Making Friends

  “When’ll you come back?”

  “Well, if I can stay out of detention, around four.”

  “But that’s for*ever*…”

  Daddy dropped into a crouch. “It’s okay, liebe. You still have all the grown-ups to talk to.”

  Bluebelle whimpered. “But you’ll be *gone*,” she protested. “You mightn’t come back.”

  “

Read more »

Letting a date down easy

(#00016)

Shayde winced as she filtered the young lizard girl’s enthusiastic babbling through her own understanding.

Yikes.

This kid had the worst case of wishful listening Shayde had ever seen.

“Danny…”

“Maybe I can take you to see the storm aurora. It only happens outside the left tail section for some reason? Oh! Wait. There’s like a historical theatre thing? Sometimes they do recreation shows, sometimes they show the old-style cinema stuff? It’

Read more »

Fanfic Time: Don't Pity Me part 26

Very much NSFW fic continued from yesterday:

Fracture Twenty-Six: Faces of Fear

  The pre-trial had demanded that only the survivors come to court. There were still people standing in the aisles, and crowding the rails of the upper gallery.

  They all stared at Hess.

  Lengthy research revealed that Hess was her true name. She used it, on and off, at various places where no-one had heard of her. She had a dozen other identities, at least. Both her nomadic nature and her

Read more »

My problem with "transmisogyny".

No, it isn’t what you think.

It’s because I’m a massive word nerd. I know that sticking “trans” in front of “misogyny” only covers an approximate half of the trans* community. It specifically calls on hatred of transgals only.

There is no “transmisandry” popping up anywhere. Either the transguys out there are better at transitioning, or it isn’t an issue [Like hell, it isn’t an issue;

Read more »

Challenge #00016: Worst. Date. Ever!

“Sophia Pirelli was everything a girl like me could hope for: tall, beautiful, intelligent, editor of the college paper, a tall redhead with legs that went on for miles.  I’d crushed on her for months, finally working up the gumption to ask her for coffee. She was perfect.  She was glorious.  And yet we had nothing to talk about.”  

AKA the most awkward date ever/what happens when crushes and reality collide violently.

“Yes, my foster parents

Read more »

Fanfic Time: Don't Pity Me part 25

Very much NSFW fic continued from yesterday:

Fracture Twenty-Five: Survivors

  Hess had been attacking children for fifteen years. Apparently, Kurt was somewhere in the middle.

  “Gruss Gott…”

  Bluebelle clung to him like a limpet, half-hiding from all the strangers. She, Kitty and Kurt all wore a little tag that marked them as survivors.

  There were lots of tags in the crowd.

  “I guess it *is* a convention,” said Kitty. “Look, there’s even booths.”

Read more »

Possible sidefling of "Free to a Good Home" - the X-Men (and Brotherhood maybe?) volunteer at an animal shelter as part of community...

(#00015)

[It’s Free to a Loving Home, BTW…]

“Remind me again why we’re doing this?”

“It’s this or orange jumpsuits, yo.” Todd twiddled with the device around his neck. Stark Industries had been both very quick and very clever with coming up with ways to ensure mutant miscreants paid their dues.

“Stop doing that,” warned Freddy. “You might make it angry.” He had discovered the downside of

Read more »

Fanfic Time: Don't Pity Me part 24

Very much NSFW fic continued from yesterday:

Fracture Twenty-Four: Chain Reaction

  Coffee dripped off of Principal Kelly’s TV screen.

  “Oh, *GOD*, no!” He knelt in front of it, where his newly-hired Gym teacher’s face was being broadcast, nationwide, under the lable of 'child abuser’. And she’d seemed so *nice*… So - *normal*. “I'm *ruined*! *Ruined*! God, why does this have to happen to meeeee… I'm not a bad man…

Read more »

Announce on the Challenge

I’m going to try spacing my prompts out to one a day, if only to give Geekhyena a break ;)

Also, it gives me more time to think about which prompt would be best to take on and it gives you (yes, you! The individual reading this) time to think up some more prompts to submit or ask me :)

Of course, I will try to do the non-fanficcy ones first, since stretching into my pet universe is a priority for me.

Read more »

Kurt's sandwiches (and the odd combination of ingredients therein) are the stuff of legends.

(#00014)

“PBLTBJ.”

“Yahuh.”

“Peanut butter. Lettuce. Tomato. Bacon. And Jelly.”

“Yyyyyyup.”

“And that was because he was in too much of a hurry to make two sandwiches?”

“And we were almost out of bread at the time.”

“Euw.”

“You should try his leftover turkey fluffernutter-reese sandwich.”

“What?”

“A Reeses sandwich is peanut butter and nutella - or a nutella substitute. Fluffernutter is marshmallow

Read more »

Challenge me?

Challenge me?

I am writing short stories based on submissions from you. Yes you.

If you’re reading this, you can slap together any old word salad you like and pop it in my submissions box. Or my ask box. Or even in an answer below. I will turn it into a story.

Anything you want to see, I will make happen. I may even make it happen in my pet universe.

I can, have, and will turn anything into science

Read more »