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Challenge #01850-E026: Charlie, Charlie, Charlie...

"And the Darwin Award goes to..... Mr K. Sullivan from colony ZS-23 for trying to use homemade nitroglycerin instead of nitromethane. We will miss his car, an innocent Swordfish Liner." -- Anon Guest

Of all the assorted avatars of Human Insanity, the most boggling to alien minds is the Darwin Awards. A prize that can only be won posthumously, by removing oneself from the gene pool in such a way as to make it clear that this was ultimately a good thing to have occurred.

There is a hardy perennial canard told about the human who strapped a JATO to a land-bound vehicle. But we can definitely confirm the one about the man who attempted to masturbate on a belt sander and neutered himself in the process. And the one about the man who attempted to blow up a subway ticket station with spray cans, and subsequently suffered fatal shrapnel wounds is definitely true.[1]

Humans are in space, now. And the Awards are still going. On multiple planets. Through the Galactic Alliance. And everywhere that humans gather to compare My Stupid Friend stories over a couple of inebriants. Which is generally agreed to be the leading cause of more My Stupid Friend stories.

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