Fic War

Why Kurt is banned from trying anything he "saw Onkel Wolf do once"

(#00168)

“Kurt, what are you doing?”

“Who? Me?” he quickly hid his hands behind his back. “Nothing much.”

“Isn’t that Todd’s locker?”

Kurt gained a sick and desperate grin. “Why would I be doing something to Todd Tolenski’s locker? It certainly has nothing to do with any interesting kind of prank war.”

Jean glared at him. “You do know you are trying to lie to a telepath…”

“It’s okay. I saw Onkel Wolf do this, once…”

After the smoke cleared, it was clear that it was not, as Kurt put it, okay.

*

“So how are we going to get out of this, smartyfuzz?” demanded Scott. They were both trapped by the robotic tentacle-guards in this particular simulation.

“I saw Onkel Wolf do this once…” he began squirming in some pretty peculiar ways. “I can get out…”

He also managed to leave his uniform behind.

*

“Elf…” Logan warned.

“I saw Onkel Wolf do this once,” he said, a bunch of herbs in each hand. “One of these makes a nice tea. Uh. The other one… um. How good is your healing power, Herr Logan?”

Logan glared at him. “That does it, kid. You’re banned from doing anything you saw your Onkel Wolf do…”

[Muse food remaining: 8 (fic war prompts, 3). Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

The Brotherhood make a Youtube video that goes viral

(#00167)

“I’munna do it!” the camera dodges through a dark interior, into the bright, snow-filled landscape.

“Don’t fucking do it!” This speaker is the owner of a greasy mullet and wears shirtsleeves and a vest even in the middle of winter. “I swear to God, Toad…“

“I’munna DO it!” the camera pans up to find a skinny boy in a toboggan perched precariously on the roof of a three-storey house.

“How did he even get up there?

Sara + Kickstarter

(#00166)

“Hi,” said the slightly horsey androgene on the screen. “I’m Sara, but most know me online as TheTallest. I work with the indie film studio Thylacine Films. You might know us from such things as this—”

The dance of the dead hallucination scene from _Gopocalypse, Go, Go!_

“And this—”

The town destruction scene from _It Came From The Other Side_.

“And this—”

Everyone’s favourite scene from _All My Zombies_.

“I’m used to working under the red line, but

Apparently, sharing "weirdest patient I've ever seen" or "you'll never believe what this idiot did and wound up in the ER" stories isn't how...

(#00165)

It’s hard to judge reality when Mom’s a cop, Dad’s a triage nurse, and you’re aspergic. Sure, I got along with the Nypicals (that’s a shortened form of ‘neurotypical folks’) with a combination of rehearsal and elementary anthropology, but there are just some things you don’t know until you get there.

Until I got a sleepover at Bobby Dryland’s house, I thought all families chatted casually about Grousome Murders and Tales From the Idiot

Why Kurt Wagner was banned from Show-And-Tell

(#00164)

There is a rule in classrooms all over the world. When it’s Show and Tell day, beware the kid with the cardboard box. Or the self-motive brown paper bag.

This time, it was Kurt ‘that weirdo’ Wagner with the cardboard box and the optimistic grin.

His record said he used to work in a circus, and you could believe it, the way he oversold all his presentations with carney-level breathless superlatives.

“Ladies and Gentlemen—”

“Let’s skip the preamble, Wagner.

Tarvek + a frilly maid outfit - do with it what you will. geekhyena (#00163) "Monster delivery!" sang the maid as she entered. "That's...

Tarvek + a frilly maid outfit - do with it what you will.

geekhyena

(#00163)

“Monster delivery!” sang the maid as she entered.

“That’s a monster?”

“That’s a maid?”

The red-head curtseyed. “F’give me sir, but I was told to deliver this green beast to this lab.”

“RHHAAAAAAARRHHH!”

“I did not order a monster.”

“Nor did I.”

“Probably a mix-up at the warehouse again.”

“You stay here -ah- miss. We’ll sort this out in due course.”

Sara stepped out

Tarvek + a frilly maid outfit - do with it what you will.

(#00163)

“Monster delivery!” sang the maid as she entered.

“That’s a monster?”

“That’s a maid?”

The red-head curtseyed. “F’give me sir, but I was told to deliver this green beast to this lab.”

“RHHAAAAAAARRHHH!”

“I did not order a monster.”

“Nor did I.”

“Probably a mix-up at the warehouse again.”

“You stay here -ah- miss. We’ll sort this out in due course.”

Sara stepped out of the cage and spat out her false teeth. “So much for the

Why the X-Men aren't putting on musicals anymore.

(#00162)

“Okay, so let’s recap. The lead’s got ‘lurgi’, our soprano has a frog in her throat from the same thing, our harpist is having a nervous breakdown..”

“Fifth this week,”

“And thanks to a fight in the school grounds, the tenor has a broken arm.”

“That and the costumes have gone missing, the lighting’s mis-wired, half the backdrops have been accidentally used by the local kindergarten as a mural, and someone’s meticulously disassembled the props.”

“Do we

Iron Chef - Mechanicsburg!

(#00161)

“READY!”

“What I want to know is—”

“STEADY!”

“—who thought this was a good idea?”

“COOK!”

Gil winced as the klaxon blared. “Well, given the -ah- intense emotion, and the fact that this town’s had enough battle…”

“PENALTY FOR KNIFE THROWING!”

“…I thought this was slightly more rational.”

One competitor had not bothered attempting to sabotage the competition. She had knives flying, all right, but they were chopping, slicing, dicing, julienne-ing and otherwise preparing food. The grim determination in her

Gil and Tarvek try Agatha's "special coffee".

(#00160)

“Honestly, that flask says ‘Do not open’. There has to be a reason.”

“Exactly why I’m opening it. To see why[1].”

Tarvek, at least, had the sense to duck and cover.

“Some kind of liquid…” Gil sniffed cautiously. “It’s coffee!”

“It’s in a sealed container with a warning label! That alone is enough to put it back where it came from!”

“…there was something important I was supposed to remember about coffee…”

Tarvek growled. “Oh, warm it

Jean decides to go for the special award for community service offered by Bayville High in exchange for 200 hours of volunteering. Xavier...

(#00159)

“The prize is a car,” said Jean. “You have no idea what that means for me.”

“There’s something wrong with my car?” said Scott.

“Yeah, I have to go where you want to take me. I’m going for it.”

*

Jean opened the little envelope. “Looks like I’m a candy-striper at the veterans home. Huh.”

“Hooray,” deadpanned Kurt. “Bedpans and unwanted PDA’s from old folks.”

“Ignore him,” said Kitty. “He’s still bitter about the whole animal shelter

Kurt's idea of volunteering at the animal shelter may not have been the best idea.

(#00158)

“Any previous experience?”

“Ja, I helped rehabilitate a few animals back home,” said Kurt. He decided not to mention the pet raven, deer, squirrels or the nearly-tame wolf. “I’m very good with them.”

“Nothing… professional?”

“Eh… Heirelgart is a little bit… isolated. We had a traveling vet and a traveling doctor. We learned to help ourselves, ne? For a time, I *was* the vet.”

“Mm.” Shuffle shuffle, went the papers on the lady’s desk. “Well, you can start by

ficwar prompt: Jager shipping wars.

(#00157)

“Aggil!” Xox roared, proving he was a proponent of Agatha/Gil.

“Targatha!” Hollered Drej, proving he was a proponent of Agatha/Tarvek.

“Aggil!”

“Targatha!”

“Aggil!”

“Targatha!”

“RRRHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!”

Pixo kept supping her soup.

“Hyu is not fightink?” asked a so-far casual bystander.

“Hy try to schtay out ov dese tings,” she admitted. “But hy am a liddle fond of Agthar.”

“Agthar?”

“Agatha/Othar.”

The bystander made a face. “Eugh. Hyu haz not goot taste.”

“Which is vhy Hy schtay out ov dese

The Jagerkin: who knew they had such a passion for matchmaking? (and such a lack of talent at it)?

(#00156)

“He iss boy, hyu iss gorl. Vhat more could hyu vant?”

“How about a pulse?” she indicated the man in question. A rather well-preserved mummy in their current oubliette. He had fantastic bone structure, but then… all he was was bone structure. “Or flesh?”

“Hokay, so he needs a liddle of de fixink opp. Since vhen is dot new?”

“I don’t have the equipment, and I’m not exactly certain he’ll be worth the bother. That, and I’ll

Siracha makes anything more edible - theoretically.

(#00155)

“Why is there only a bottle of Siracha in the survival rations?”

“Because the people who packed it assumed that anyone needing it would be able to live off the land. And Siracha, as it says on the lable, makes anything more edible.”

“But I’m allergic and this landscape is entirely poisonous.”

“We shall write a scathing letter to the company the minute we get out of this mess. Pay attention, would you? I’m trying to build a Siracha-powered

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A 48-post collection

Why Kurt is banned from trying anything he "saw Onkel Wolf do once"

The Brotherhood make a Youtube video that goes viral

Sara + Kickstarter

Apparently, sharing "weirdest patient I've ever seen" or "you'll never believe what this idiot did and wound up in the ER" stories isn't how...

Why Kurt Wagner was banned from Show-And-Tell

Tarvek + a frilly maid outfit - do with it what you will. geekhyena (#00163) "Monster delivery!" sang the maid as she entered. "That's...

Tarvek + a frilly maid outfit - do with it what you will.

Why the X-Men aren't putting on musicals anymore.

Iron Chef - Mechanicsburg!

Gil and Tarvek try Agatha's "special coffee".

Jean decides to go for the special award for community service offered by Bayville High in exchange for 200 hours of volunteering. Xavier...

Kurt's idea of volunteering at the animal shelter may not have been the best idea.

ficwar prompt: Jager shipping wars.

The Jagerkin: who knew they had such a passion for matchmaking? (and such a lack of talent at it)?

Siracha makes anything more edible - theoretically.