Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

Challenge #00544 - A169: The Fine Print

If you’re going to make a year-long agreement, you’d better be sure you know whose year you’re using.

“What do you mean I’m still under contract?” Terry demanded. She tried not to make a fist around all her vital documents. “It says five years. It’s been five years. And forty-eight hours, and that’s only because it took that long to get all the forms filled out.”

“I’m very sorry, but they’re not local years.” The clerk, a quiet and inherently nervous Lorraine, looked just about ready to cry in sympathy. “This codicil, here, stipulates that the contract is using the definition of ‘year’ according to the drafting lawyer’s planet of origin.”

“Okay… so where’s that lawyer from?”

Takatta takatta takatta. “Oh no. Oh, no… I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry… The company you signed on with? They exclusively use Ghiishemite lawyers.”

“Let me guess,” Terry braced herself for the inevitable, metaphorical impact. “Ghiishem has a really long calendar.”

Cogniscents waiting to gain access to the Visitor Help Centre flinched at the outraged scream of “SIX HUNDRED AND FORTY-FIVE DAYS?”

Terry waited once again for Lorraine to dawn over the cusp of her desk.

“Sorry. You still have three Standard years, two weeks and three days on your contract. If you’d like? I could help you contact the Cogniscent Rights Commission? They have a standing Class Action Suit against contracts like this one?”

Three more years. Three more flakking years. And two weeks and three Powers-cursed days. “Oh yes,” she said. “Oh yes please. I would love to talk to the Cogniscent Rights’ Commission about this one.”

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It's 2:40 AM

I woke up at 1:25.

Tried EVERYTHING to get myself back to sleep. Took a different sleep-aid. Did some meditation. Tried to focus on spreading the need to rest throughout my entire body.

Nothing.

This time, It was heat.

Winter get’s down into the low teens [celcius] here and I do NOT like the cold. Therefore, we have a nice down quilt to keep us warm, my beloved and I.

Alas, long about the wee small hours of the

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SleepPhones Headphones

SleepPhones Headphones

See this thing?

I want this thing.

I want this thing SO bad because I have enough sleep issues to keep every periodicals section in every library in the world fully stocked for the rest of eternity.

Ideally, I would love to get the

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For sale now at Smashwords! Available in other good eBook stores later. They had caught some alive. Raven boggled. He was entirely un-used...

For sale now at Smashwords! Available in other good eBook stores later.

They had caught some alive.

Raven boggled. He was entirely un-used to chicken with its feathers still on. Or, for that matter, one that wasn’t in tasty chunks and bathed in sauce, presented on a bed of rice or with vegetables.

The first surprise, other than its volume was ear-splitting, was its size. There was less of it than a cat, but it had a cry of a

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Challenge #00544 - A169: The Un-Secret

Dunno if you’ll like this one, but I ran across it:

“The thing about evolving on a death world is that you don’t really realize you’re doing so until you get the chance to leave it. Up to that point the presence of carnivorous monsters, venomous micropredators, extreme climatic conditions, geological instability, the most lethal cocktail of microbial and viral life forms in the galaxy and of course the crushing gravity, seemed entirely natural. Until we left Earth

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If you only buy one eBook this year… buy this one! Simy forgot to simulate breathing, watching with all the other aides in the...

If you only buy one eBook this year… buy this one!

Simy forgot to simulate breathing, watching with all the other aides in the security room. The other three were merely holding their breaths.

They only breathed again when the sound of running water emanated from the tiny bathroom off one side of the cell.

“What is she doing?” demanded the Maq'eck. “She’s meat. Raw, fresh and tender.”

“Yes, but she also has Tarqa&

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Challenge #00543 - A168: Sufficiently Advanced... Rituals

[In a discussion about technically-proficient people (of any subdivision) and the lies-to-children told to those they have to interact with]

I think we know why wizards just act all cryptic and stuff…

I imagine they had to keep explaining their knowledge of the arcane to the average peasant over and over again until they just got fed up with it.

And that’s how we get wizards, mages and sorcerers who seem to delight in not giving a straight answer. – RecklessPrudence

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Challenge #00542 - A167: One Familiar Face

“That’s 19, last question.”

“Ok, it’s a person, a guy, dark haired, kinda short, amnesiac, fast healing/possibly immortal, older than 200 years, uses bladed weapons, knows lots of martial arts, and fights against people trying to take over and/or destroy the world.”

"Yep.”

“Is it Wolverine?”

“What? No, it was Van Helsing.”

“…”

“…”

*dawning realisation*

No way…”

“Mr Logan?”

“Yeh, Tallwater?”

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And just saw this - HELL NO YOU ARE NOT SCUM! ...I wish I could bold, italic, and underline that. You and your stories got me through one of...

That squeaking noise you just heard was probably me. This is the best kind of fanmail I could ever have  received and could ever receive.

There’s times when I doubt myself and my abilities. You were just witness to one such. I tried self-advertising the things I made… and got no results.

A rare reblog-on-request, but no expected storm from my followers with comments on how that story or this story  made the reblogger smile when they were blue

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