Any technology, no matter how primitive, is magic to those who don’t understand it. – RecklessPrudence
(#00293)
Through a series of unfortunately predictable events, they were now stuck in the middle of nowhere with inadequate camping supplies, a cubic meter of marshmallows, three idiots and a whole bunch of electronica that was out of their service area and therefore as useful as a meringue umbrella.
Miri didn’t bother listening to the arguments since they had got cyclical. What she was bothering with was something useful. Several somethings useful, like preparing a camping area, gathering combustibles and constructing some individual shelters that at least one of the idiots would be sneaking out of to attempt sex with another. And, vitally important, collecting an array of the right kind of rocks.
“Nice campsite,” sneered one of the idiots.
“How are you gonna light the fire, loser?”
“Why did we even ask you along, loser?”
Miri picked up the correct two rocks and, hardly bothering to look, struck sparks with them. “Because I had the car,” she said, then gently coaxed the flame into life.
“Whoah.”
“Dude.”
“Are you magic?” said the cheerleader. “Please don’t curse us?”
And why would I bother when you’re clearly doing such a great job of it on yourself? thought Miri. “Just remember that I saved all your stupid asses and we’ll be fine.”
Next on the list: finding something to eat that wasn’t marshmallows. Miri gathered some long, straightish sticks that she had sharpened to a point. “Now. Who wants to hunt for dinner?”
“We got marshmallows.”
“I’m vegan.”
“Hunt? Like… kill an animal?”
Sigh. Sometimes, she wondered how folks like this managed to keep breathing every day. “Okay. One: Marshmallows aren’t vegan. They’re made with gelatin. Which is made from animals. Two: Thanks to Roy the Cheerleader, those marshmallows are nearly gone.”
“I only had a few,” he said, eating another handful.
“Three: The only edible plant life out here is prickly pears or peyote. I don’t recommend either. Four: We’re going to need some real calories to survive the night, because it gets cold as fuck in the desert. Any questions?”
She really shouldn’t have asked.
“Whaddayamean marshmallows aren’t vegan? It says ‘organic’ right here on the packet…”
“What’re those sticks for?”
“Do I get a bow like Katniss?”
“Is it okay to be on a diet?”
“If there’s no plants, doesn’t that mean there’s no animals either?”
“Are we gonna have to like, eat bugs?”
Miri sighed and handed out the sticks. “The pointy end goes into the thing you want to kill. Animals can eat a lot more of the plants out here than we can. You can have a bow the minute you finish making one. And if you don’t learn to shut up and do what I tell you, dinner will be bugs and not bunny. Got it?”
“Hahahaha… Bugs bunny!”
Oh God. Why did she ever agree to this?
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