I want to be angry. I want to spew bile all over my screen. I want to yell and scream and rant and rave and write a lovely long poison pen piece right here and now.
But that wouldn't help a damn thing.
I know damn well that this feeling is going to boil off eventually. I want to get it out and get it over with, but that just spreads it around and makes things worse.
So. In cold and emotionless bullet points:
- Discovered that art that has already taken a week has been fucked up at some point and I have to do a do-over because you can't undo past the last time you saved.
- Put my neck out of joint doing even half of that do-over
- Been looking forward to Beloved actually HELPING to unfuck the house like they said they would for fucking MONTHS
- Only to discover that they'd sat down to waste the rest of the day on Fortnite
- Beloved got ropeable at my disappointed noises
- Beloved demanded I do housework before they would lift a finger
- Keep in mind that today WAS going to be another, very rare, lazy day
- Mayhem senses trouble and adds to it
- Beloved makes breakfast, getting in the way of the aforementioned housework
- Beloved spills egg all over the floor whilst attempting to fit a dishwasher UNSAFE frying pan into the dishwasher
- I chew them out for this, understandably upset
- I explain the speech about how expensive those pans are
- Beloved gets angry about this
- I ask Beloved to pick up the egg spill
- Beloved goes off their nut because that is, apparently, what they were doing already
- Beloved yells at me
- I calmly say, "don't yell at me" which is what Beloved does every single time I even slightly raise my voice
- Beloved firkin screams at me
So yeah. I seriously want to hurt something right now and all I have is me. Don't panic. I'm not about to get into self harm.
What will happen is that all this will come out in other ways. Possibly in psychosomatic sicknesses because I am so good at doing that. Not looking forward to another set of ulcers. Or head-splitting migraines.
There has to be a way around this that doesn't involve another argument.