It’s the Tumblr bestiary and it’s right under the cut.
I’ve noticed a few trends with Tumblr of late, and these are the three that get on my pecs the most.
Follow-Troll
This blogger used to say insightful things. Or post lots of images that just plain made your day. You scoped out their whole blog, which was also loaded with insightful wisdom. For a few weeks, your life is made better by their insights.
Then, the unthinkable happens. A formerly wise, sane being notices that they’re a few followers off of some magnificent goal - pick a number and add a couple of noughts if they’re not already there - and then… THEN!
Under the light of possible Internet Fame™ they undergo a hideous transformation into…(dun dun DUUUUNNNN) the Follow-Troll. All of their insight and wit vanishes into a hail of begging, whining and outright trading for followers. Almost every post contains the words, “follow me”.
Sometimes, the fading numbers of followers inspire a return to the clarity of prior times, but you know not when you are going to suffer from their relapse into follow-trolling.
Like-whore
You’ve probably seen at least one of these, somewhere. Usually, they have a title like “Like me if you love/hate X”. If you go to their blog and their posts are all “like if” posts… then you’ve found a like-whore.
This unsophisticated creature just wants to be loved, and have proof of that love in the rising number beside a little, heart-shaped icon. They run rampant in spaces like Facebook, but are slowly invading all other arenas with a “like” option.
There is no middle ground for these pitiable beasts. They are either loved… or unloved. And being unloved is a fate worse than death.
There are no reasons whatsoever to follow a like-whore. Unless you really, really love being an enabler.
Forward Monkeys
[Pan Passitalong] Descended from the email addict subspecies of higher primates, the Forward Monkey possesses no higher wit functions. Thusly, in order to blend in with other folks having conversations, will reblog anything that suits their fancies at the time.
Some reblog monkeys seek to be reblogged themselves, and create primitive messages to others of their kind. eg. “Reblog if you love/hate X”. This may be a mating call
Unlike the like-whore, reblog monkeys find value not in the things that are said, but rather the things that are said by other people. Some forward monkeys exhibit an agenda [cats, pretty clouds, bible themes etc.] whilst others have a jackdaw-esque display of things that have caught their kittenlike attention for the ten seconds it takes to reblog something.
Now that you have your spotter’s guide…
You should be able to identify and avoid the unthinking masses and get on with your day in relative comfort.
But it also begs the question: Do you tell a follow-troll/like-whore/reblog monkey that they’re acting as such?