First submission since the identification of an ableist slur. Edited from original form, thusly:
I love the image of his brain just clearly rebooting because too much ridiculousness and unbelievability is hitting it at one time. – RecklessPrudence
Harry stared up at the edifice that was Security Chief ‘Sherlock’. It was hard not to. Sherlock stood at 6'4" and she was a diminutive 5'2".
“…i know i’m in trouble, there’s no need t’ loom…” she squeaked.
“I just want to know exactly how it happened,” he said, easing his distance between them with a casual shift of his weight. “Ambassador Z0rk is not happy. And when he gets unhappy… he tends to share that around.”
“Um…” Harry twiddled with her apron ties. The aliens who found her, and found her amenable, had replicated her uniform in various shades of gold. And that was the least disturbing facet of her adventures. “I’m not qualified t’ be here, sir… I… I’m just a lunch-lady. I bring the tea cart around…”
“Sadly, that’s not grounds for disqualification. You currently have the most experience with Galactic affairs, and they have the most experience with you.”
“But I ain’t– I’m not trained,” she almost bit her tongue out for that slip. She was from Northern Scouse and it tended to leak through in her speech. She tried to keep speaking The King’s English, but… in times of stress and worry -like right now- it kept coming out.
“Many aren’t. Ambassador Z0rk forgets he began his career as a shipping drone. He tends to throw his weight around.”
“Ee, that’s considerable throwin’,” she blurted. Then 'eep'ed and covered her mouth with both hands.
“Hm,” said Sherlock. “Now tell me, please…” he leaned conspiratorially down. “What did you do to get that old fossil flustered?”
“…thought I’d tell a joke,” she squeaked, sure this was a tactic of some kind to get her shipped back home in chains. Or whatever these strange aliens did. “…y'know? Break the ice?”
“Aha. And what was the joke?”
Tears sprang up in her eyes and leaked into her already-wobbling voice. “…a blonde, a brunette, a redhead and a rabbi walk into a bar,” Harry quavered as she twisted her apron strings into tighter and tighter knots. “…clang, clang, clang, but the rabbi du-u-u-ucked…” She sobbed softly into her own apron.
Sherlock made a strange noise. He shook and snorted and made a grinding noise… and finally erupted into a surprisingly jolly and warm laugh. “Hahahaaaaa… that’d do it,” he cheered. “I love the image of his brain just clearly rebooting because too much ridiculousness and unbelievability is hitting it at one time…” He cackled as he made his way back around to his desk. “I’m going to have to start a file. Things to tell Ambassador Z0rk when he is getting… on… my… nerves…” He was typing as he spoke. “Do you have any others?”
Sniffle. “You ain’t mad at me?”
“Dear lady, I owe you. Do you have any realisation how much… Ambassador Z0rk has been a pain in my arse?”
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