Toad (either Evo or movieverse) meets Spiderman. Hilarity and quipping ensue?
I can not decide which Toad to use.
Round 1: Evo-Toad V Spiderman
“Where you goin’, lady? Don'chu know this street ain’t public property?”
Ah, the catch-cry of the lesser soon-to-be-very-bruised looser. Peter swung in, landing on a nearby roof and hustled down a handy wall.
Three punks in similar bargain-basement street gang wear were moving in on a rather elongated lady burdened with shopping.
“The city planning department might disagree with you,” said the lady.
“Damn, that’s a tall-ass bitch,” said thug#1.
“Need a stepladder to teach her manners,” said thug#2.
“Need a stepladder jus’ ta fuck her,” cackled thug #3.
And then a voice right by his ear whispered, “The fuck you doin’, fool? Yo’ gonna ruin our sting.”
Peter looked to his right, where a fourth tatty youth hung on the wall much like himself. “I’ve heard of hanging around the streets, but this is extreme.”
The teen glared at him, his too-wide mouth twisting in a voluminous expression of distaste. “Mouth like dat, ’s a wonder those tights ain’t black an’ blue, yo.”
“Hey, at least I have some style!”
“As in, goin’ outta style?”
“This way nobody knows who I am.”
“Psh. An’ nobody cares…”
The lady down in the street said, “Gentlemen…”
Both boys looked down. The lady had the three thugs neatly hog-tied and moaning in discomfort. “I appreciate the extra back-up, dear; but I think I’d prefer it better if said backup was focussed on our task?”
The tatty teen’s toothy rictus was possibly wider than his mouth. “Um. Whoops? Sorry, Sara.”
Peter sighed. He was nobody’s favorite neighborhood spiderman, tonight.
Round 2: Movie-Toad V Spiderman
The man currently making his slow progress down the alley was being boxed in by four denizens - and this neighborhood crawled with denizens - who had rightfully singled him out as easy pickings.
Little did they know that this poor fellow was under the prodigious protection of Peter Parker, the friendly neighborhood Spiderman!
The limping, shambling man evidently figured out he was being boxed in and stopped in a relatively clear area of the alleyway.
“You lot fuck off,” he growled. “I’ve already had a bad fuckin’ day.”
The four toughs came out of concealment and moved in, laughing. Grinning like crocodiles.
“Bout t’ get worse,” said the spokesthug.
Just as Peter leaped to the rescue, the shambling man exploded. Both arms and one leg lashed out at three of the thugs, knocking them away. And, in the case of the guy who got the walking stick, delivering internal injuries on the side.
Peter aimed himself at the fourth man, but the erstwhile victim had plans for him, too. The injured man spat something at the fourth fellow’s face.
It hardened just as Peter’s flying foot connected with it.
Peter managed to land with his dignity intact, and his foot stuck to a felon’s face. “What the hell?”
“The fuck d'you think you are?” demanded the injured man.
Even in the half-light, Peter could see he was in a bad way. Bleeding. Burned. Wet and filthy. Like he’d been beaten, struck by lightning and left to drown in the bay. “Just your friendly neighborhood Spiderman trying to make a difference,” He shook his foot. It was stuck solidly to the man’s temple. “Is there a solvent for this stuff?”
“Dunno,” said the injured man as he continued on his way.
Round 3: WATXM-Toad V Spiderman
Toad was many things, but he was not the sort of sick psycho who would abandon his gang.
Even when his gang abandoned him.
He kept away from public places. After a debacle like that one, he didn’t need another mutant-inspired riot on his ass. Not after barely escaping with his life.
The Brotherhood had left him to fend for himself, as they frequently did, after getting themselves the heck out of dodge. Toad was used to this. He went through hay, hell and high water to find his gang again and they always accused him of turning up like a stray cat.
It was enough to make a fellow feel… unwanted.
“Well, lookie what we have here,” cooed a street tough.
Well, crap. On top of everything else, he had to wander down Yancy Street in a moment of inattention.
“Aw, it’s a little lost mutie,” said tough#2.
“Where you goin’, mutie?” said tough #3.
Things were not looking good for Mrs Toynbee’s only son.
“He’s going over the meadow and through the woods,” said a voice from above. “Isn’t that the way to Grandmother’s house?”
To a man, they all looked up.
Dangling upside-down on a cord with no visible means of support, was a teenager in a full-body stocking. Red and blue. Patterned with webs and a spider.
Fucking vigilantes. You never knew whose side they were on.
“Sod off,” said Toad. “I got this.”
“It’s four against one,” objected the vigilante.
“Yeh,” admitted Toad. “’S what nearly makes it fair.”
Bonus Round: Dresden-Codak-Toad V Spiderman
[This incarnation of Toad belongs to Dresden Codak artist, Aaron Diaz. I apologize in advance for any wrong I bestow upon him by messing with his characters and world]
Witness the paragon of perfection, Peter Parker, pounding punks prodigiously! Just another day at work for your friendly neighborhood Spiderman!
This one went a little differently when he went to assist the victim. A huddling figure tying itself -himself- into knots trying to hide himself from the entire world.
“Hey, it’s okay, now. Badguys are all gone.”
The figure huddled tighter.
Peter made sure the thugs were safely trussed up for the police before he knelt by the huddling man.
“It’s okay. I don’t bite.” He dare not touch someone so afraid. For all he knew, this guy had a whole newsstand’s worth of issues. “I’m… I’m a hero.”
Rustling from inside the trench coat, and a slip of paper emerged.
It read, Heroes kill monsters.
Monsters? What the hell?
“Hey. No. I don’t kill anyone. And I don’t go after anyone who’s obeying the law. Okay?”
The figure gradually untangled. Long, skinny arms. Equally long, skinny legs. What Peter had thought was some kind of green hood was the man’s head.
Either he was a mutant or Peter had tripped over some really amusing drugs.
“You’re a frog?”
Those wide, green eyes had an ocean of sorrow and pity for him as the froggy man picked up his belongings and hurried away. As if the frog-man understood something deeper that he could not, or would not communicate to Peter.
He spent years wondering what the hell he was missing out on, because of that look.