I just made my own day, today. By being absolutely nasty to some viral vector in a call centre.
Okay. So you know those ass-hats who ring around trying to get you to install malware so they can “clean up” the viruses in your computer?
Well, I managed to tie one up for a good twenty minutes.
My method? I pretend to be dear old Dotty Matrice, who only has one computer. An Atari. Though she pronounces it “a tar eye”.
Every time he asked if my computer was on, I got cross with him about his powers of recall. Same with requests for keyboards: “it’s got a stick and a button, I already told you.”
Every time he asked what the screen said, I told him, “Please insert cart ridge” because he wouldn’t tell “Dotty” which piece of ‘plastic toast’ he wanted.
Finally, he wanted to talk with the main users of the machine - “the kiddies” - who are at school, of course. When he asked when they’d be home, I decided to take mercy on him.
Dotty voice: “Are you familiar with the Atari computers?”
Him: “Yes I am, ma’am.”
Normal voice: “Do you know when you’re being wound up?”
He hung up… Pity.
I could have told him off for trying to infect me with malware.