Challenge #00025: Movie Madness

Rogue and Rahne, the closest the Evo cast arguably has to a vampire and werewolf, end up having to watch the latest vampire-and-werewolf-starring cinematic blockbuster - the Twilight movies, courtesy of a lost bet (likely with Kitty).  Cue the mocking and snarkiness!

[This author has only seen the first Twilight movie and removed herself from the sequels as a means of self-preservation]

“So what’s this all about, then?” asked Rahne. Kitty was standing guard at the door and, for some reason, Kurt was guarding the window.

“Well… Ah don’t know much,” Rogue got her credentials out as early as possible, “but from what Ah heard, it’s… well… Some housewife saw ‘Dracula meets the Wolfman’ and wrote an AU romance starrin’ her Mary Sue.”

“Is not!” Kitty shrieked. “It’s the greatest romance like, ever!”

Kurt coughed. “(Coughistoocough).”

“Hey! I saw your stupid blue people movie! You like, owe me.”

“…they'renotstupid…” muttered Kurt.

The movie began. “Okay,” said Rahne. “Which one’t the Mary Sue?”

“Bella Swan. That’s the gal with the brown hair, there.”

They watched for a few minutes.

“Wait. So how’s she a Mary Sue?”

Rogue bought up something on her phone. “That’s the lady who wrote this mess. Next to her description of our heroine.”


“Total adoration by all a the boys in five, four, three…”

“What? Since when does that happen?”

“It actually happened to Myer, Ah heard.”


Another few minutes in which more movie happened and steam escaped Kitty’s ears.

“Wait. Those are the vampires, right?”


“I’m gettin’ a weird stalker vibe off 'em.”

“You, me, and everyone else with a brain stem,” said Rogue.

“…hey!” objected Kitty.

“Wait. He said she should stay away from him and now he’s following her everywhere? How’s that supposed to work?”

“And he warned her that he’s dangerous. She should be bookin’ in mah opinion.”

More movie passed in stunned disbelief.


“Real vampires don’t freakin’ sparkle.”

“What are the werewolves like?”

Rogue checked her phone. “Uh. Native Americans who are heavily into arranged marriages. From birth.”

“How many movies are there of this?”


Rahne thought about this whilst witnessing Bella and Edward say and do incredibly stupid things. “What was the alternative?”

“Walkin’ down main street in our underwear.”

“Turn that rubbish off. I’m doin’ the undies thing.”

“*HEY*!” Objected Kitty while Kurt cracked up.

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