Tony Scabbott

theabbottchronicles:

A US Think Tank has labelled Tony Abbott as the most incompetent leader in an industrialized democracy saying his policies lack coherence, does not communicate with his ministers and advisers, is ill informed, fails to understand complex issues, and concludes that Abbott must go as “[Australia] can do much better for a Prime Minister than Tony Abbott.”

This was met with the general public going “fuck… now even the US is looking down on us politically.”

“Yeah, we know. We tried to get rid of him too” responded a third of the Liberal Party.

“This is not new news. This does not surprise us” said almost everyone who had paid any attention to politics in the last year and a half.

“We’re so ashamed…” wept the general Australian public. “Fuck. We’ve still got a year and a half to go before he’s gone…” Many started breaking down into inconsolable tears. “WHY? WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO BE CURSED LIKE THIS?” they screeched at the vast, empty sky.

When Tony Abbott heard this he simply said “but you’ll be glad to know I removed the Carbon Tax?” not even sure himself if he knew what the words coming out of his mouth meant. They had been repeated so often. Where did they come from? He didn’t know. He didn’t know a lot of things… like how to govern a country apparently.

“I’m… uh… I’m uh… not… uh, that is to say I am positively not, uh, compe- I mean - incompetent” he said before lazily bumping into a door hoping someone with more knowledge of doors would come by and open it for him.

“BLOODY DOORS DON’T WORK! I blame Labor for this! Labor is the reason for everything bad!”