if u weren’t aware of salvation army’s homophobia, its prety hardcore
a guy in a salvos truck yelled at me and my gf while we were kissing today so I was thinking of this
Do you know, when I was in high-school I went to the mall near my house with my girlfriend to do some Christmas shopping.
We were there, sixteen year old me and seventeen year old her, holding hands and window-shopping, minding our own business.
This Salvation Army shitheel gets aggro about it in the middle of the mall and I’m there totally flabbergasted cause like, it’s christmas
Only, 16!Tabi had even less composure than 26!Tabi, so I lost my fucking mind on her.
Thing is: when I’m really angry, I don’t rage, I go all cold and apparently that freaks people out, because I could see my gf backing up and the lady getting tense and then I realized that anger doesn’t solve problems.
So instead, I started wailing.
Picture this: 5’4, tiny, blonde haired high school girl with her little violin on her back and pearls in her ears just as PTA-approved as could be, full on sobbing in the hallway.
Just, sobbing like my dog’s been shot.
Now my gf’s like, “oh fuck” and the lady’s like “oh fuuuuck!” and I’m here, head thrown back, tears down my cheeks and in that shrill, distressed, /loud/ voice, “WHY WOULD YOU B-b-be so MEAN?! It’s CHRISTMAS!”
And the lady’s like “please stop Oh fuck” because now we have a crowd, and this Molly Weasley of a woman putters over, “what’s the matter, dear?”
And mall security’s coming and this bell ringer is looking very uncomfortable so I just look at this matronly ellen-watching suburban housewife lady, eyes wide and wet and my lip wobbling.
“I was, she s-said, s-s-she said I was going to HELL!”
And I burst right back into tears.
Maaaaaaaan, they didn’t even stick around to ask why she’d said it. Soon as I said it, Mall po-po bounced her like a fucking pogo stick.
We get outside and my girlfriend’s like “that is the most Slytherin thing I have ever seen anyone do.”
It was four years before I saw the Army back in that mall.
I like you
Best. Christmas story. EVAR
