Exploring Emotionally Abusive Relationships
Characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship include:
· Using money as a means of control
· Threatening to walk out or abandon you
· Creating fear and anxiety through looks, words, threats and actions
· Destroying things (and often things you value) – either in a cold and heartless way, or in an angry fit of rage
· Using blaming, shaming, minimizing and denial to control you
· Verbally attacking and demeaning you (includes name calling, shouting at you, criticising and putting you down – especially in public)
· Attacking and putting you down in private, and acting loving and charming in public
· Minimising the abuse; acting as if you’re over-reacting and it’s “no big deal”
· Deliberately withholding approval, affirmation and affection as a means of punishment or control
The effects of living with emotional abuse include:
· A fear of being natural and spontaneous
· A loss of enthusiasm
· Insecurity related to how they coming across to others
· An inner belief that they are deeply flawed
· A loss of self-confidence and self esteem
· Growing self-doubt (so they’re afraid to make even the smallest decision, or to take on even the simplest of tasks)
· Never trusting their own judgment (as they believe that they’re likely to get it wrong, or to misunderstand or misread everything)
· Having a constant critic in their head
· Feeling they should be happier and more upbeat than they are (in order to meet the approval of others)
· Feeling they’re too sensitive, and ought to “toughen up”
· Fearing they’re going crazy, or losing their mind
· Having a tendency to live in the future (“Everything will be OK when/after ….”)
· A desire to break free, escape or run away
· A distrust and fear of entering into any close relationships again.