The seasons are changing...

Lucky America [and possibly most of the northern hemisphere], you get things like spring and autumn. You get a gradual and even picturesque seague into the warmer or colder weather.

Not Australia.

In Australia, Nature [who I am frequently reminded is a Mother] just flicks a switch between winter [biting cold, lazy winds, and the sort of rain that was trying for sleet but couldn’t be bothered] and summer [Searing heat, bone-dry droughts interspersed with the kinds of floods that Noah was told to watch out for, and absolute shit tons of these crunchy, stupid beetles whose last mission on this planet is to die in such a way that they can latch on to the underside of your foot in the most painful way possible].

Now, we do technically have spring and autumn. That’s the month or so when Nature flicks the switch back and forth so that you can never tell if it’s a minimum-layers day or an all-the-fucking-layers-at-once day. And sometimes, she switches in the middle of the day, the cow.

Now that the switch seems to be leaning increasingly towards summer, I have something of an open invitation to some people.

Dear Everybody Who Says, “So much for global warming, eh?” When They Spot the First Sign of Winter Weather:

Global warming likes to go south for the winter. I heartily invite you to come down here in the middle of the scorching heat and cases of sun-stroke to deny it. If we’re in a good mood, we might just give you a head start before we stake you down, naked, in our backyards until your exposed flesh is extra crispy.

I think we’d be doing humanity a service, don’t you?