Still in South Park

Kurt and Todd, still in South Park. The “184th” line has pretty much become their soundtrack. Todd is rolling with the weirdness, but Kurt is nearing a breakdown (shot at by Jimbo and Ned, witnessing Kenny die multiple times, constantly stalked by geneticist Dr, Mephisto). They’re walking down the street discussing this, when they see Jesus and Satan at a cafe having coffee. Cue freak-out.

(#00787 - B056)

“…so hungry…”

“Yo, hungry’s your default state, Fuzzy.”

“It takes calories to teleport, freund. And I’ve needed to teleport a lot.”

“Speakin’ of. Shotgun nutso’s, eight o'clock.”

Kurt leaped before the distant, “IT’S COMIN’ RIGHT FOR US!” could echo against the buildings, and was out of sight before they could get a bead.

Todd had taken a very long time to figure out why Fuzzy was so great at dodging people with guns. Now that he had it confirmed, he felt compelled to take Fuzzy’s side.

Thus, he crossed the street with his fists primed and his het up. “Whassa problem wit’ y'all? Why you gotta shoot at my friend? Y'r assholes, you know that?”

Ned raised his device to his throat. “Nnnnn… we’re-just-trying-to-make-a-living.”

“Son, we’re running a very important local cable show and your pet is the hundred and eighty-fourth weirdest thing in South Park.”

“Nnnnn… He’s-on-our-list.”

“He’s not an animal, yo! He’s a human being!”

“Well he sure as shit don’t look like one,” retorted Jimbo.

Todd sighed. He was getting really sick of these lunatics taking pot-shots at the closest thing he had to a friend on this crazy journey. “Look. I don’t want you killin’ my friend, awright? Y'all never done catch and release?”

“Nnnnn… That’s-for-pussies.”

“You could interview him. Have him on your show and then - done. No more need to shoot him.”

Jimbo glared at him. “Where’s the fun in that?”

Somewhere down the street, Kurt screamed. Todd flipped the hunters a double-barreled-one-finger-salute, and literally leaped down the street.

There, at the local cafe, Satan was sipping coffee with Jesus and amicably chatting about relationships. Or they had been before Kurt broke down sobbing in the streets.

Todd hustled him off the road. “Dude, what the hell?”

“It’s okay,” he said, wide-eyed. “I have faith. I shall be reborn like that little boy who keeps gettink killed, ja? And this time, I shall have ze body on an angel…”

Jesus said, “Yae, I am not going that far.”

Kurt giggled. It wasn’t the giggle of someone having a good time. It was the giggle of someone who had stared too long at the Elder Gods and was failing their sanity check.

“Could'ja go as far as -Idunno- GETTING US THE FUCK OUTTA HERE? This place ain’t no good fo’ his health, yo.”

“Um….” said Jesus. He looked pleadingly to Satan.

Satan sighed. “All right, just this once I’ll be the good guy.”

Todd had to drag Kurt through the whirling vortex.

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