Origami Denseness

Wow. This isn’t fractal denseness, it’s origami denseness. It’s like a beautiful work of art that you can unfold to make it seem even more dense. – RecklessPrudence

[AN: Prompt edited to be less offensive - I hope]

(#00506 - A131)

“Let me get this straight,” said Security Officer Trel. “Someone actually told you that they’d go out with you if you managed to clean… The Glunk.”

“Damn straight. Fine ass on that woman. I just gotta get in it.”

Trel sprained something ignoring that comment. Once again, an inhabitant of one of the surviving Greater Deregulations had completely failed to take any advice on travelling through the Galactic Alliance. “If you say so,” she managed through diplomatically-clenched teeth. She resumed taking notes. “Now, I believe you first emptied a vat of concentrated ascorbic acid through the porthole labelled ‘Biohazard, do not open. Two standard year penalty’? After first proceeding through not one, but three separate airlocks also labelled 'Strictly no admittance, authorised station personnel only’?

"I had t’ get to it,” said Gunther.

“And -ah- why ascetic acid?” Tel just had to sate her curiosity.

“’S vinegar, ain’t it?” said Gunther.

Maybe Lyr Marken was right. Curiosity was a fatal flaw in the law enforcement branches. “Vinegar?”

“It’s acidic. And it’s acidic without doin’ no harm to metal, right? Figured it’d eat some o’ that mess no problem.”

“Sir. That’s just vinegar. You emptied ten Standard Weight Units of concentrated ascetic acid into the Glunk. Concentrated, sir. If you had dared to use it as a condiment, it would have eaten your meal and then your mouth.”

“That just means it must be workin’.”

“And at which point did you feel it was necessary to add a vat of…” she checked her notes. “Mayonnaise?”

“Well I saw there were critters down there eatin’ on it. And since there was a big ole hole where th’ vinegar done gone, I figured it wouldn’t do 'em no harm to spice up their food a bit. Make 'em good and hungry.”

“They’re cleaners. They’re born hungry.”

Gunther grinned. Proud of himself. “Shows it worked, don’t it?”

“No sir. It didn’t.” Tel consulted her notes with a sigh. “And where did you obtain the vial of nanites designed to clear away non-living organic material?”

“Feller in the Way Below sold it to me. See, I was asking around 'bout what might work and I figured - hey… why not, right?”

Tel sighed. “This is why not. You are under arrest for multiple violations of station law. Not only did you fail to clean The Glunk, you added potentially hazardous and illegal substances into it, an action outlawed in many stellar neighbourhoods including your own. Do you have anything to say in your defence?”

“She was rocket hot. Totally worth it.”

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