I can do this... i hope

I have some potential agents lined up to get query letters. I have some novels that really, really need to get out there if I have a hope of earning money at this.

I know that I have to get several agents to handle all of my stuff, because I write across a wide and varied field of fiction. Which I hope is for everyone.

One day, I will find one agent who is willing to take me, and all my assorted realities, into their capable hands. That day is not today. Tomorrow isn't looking so great either.

The real problem, besides creating a query letter that looks professional, is producing the correct number of pages for their assorted demands. Some want five. Some want ten. Some want any number between that.

All of them want said pages pasted into their emails. And one lot wants it sent by post with an SASE. That one isn't happening. Copy/pasting is fine, but then I have to make sure all my italics copy over faithfully because not ONE of my multitudinous editing platforms can reliably copy italicised text into any other, including an email.

If we could solve that little problem, I would be a very happy 'Nutter.

If I could solve my self-depreciating streak where I am firkin certain that all my hard prep comes to naught... I would be unstoppable.

Right now, there is a heavy feeling in my entire body and it's hard to breathe regularly. I'm doing a lot of gasping and sighing that has NOTHING to do with my regular asthma and I swear I can feel another panic attack looming.

If I finish this week's 3K words early, I am going to spend an extra day on just being selfish. Treat myself. Lie in, get extra cuddles with Beloved. Get hold of some chocolate on the cheap because I can't afford Gaijin Sushi. Just enjoy whatever I want to. For no other reason than I just want to do it.

I might even get a napnap in. I'm at that kind of mental space where I just need a napnap and a hot bath. And maybe a double hot chocolate in my undertow mug.

It's the little things that keep me going. They have to, because I can't yet afford the big things.