Fuck My Life

by InterNutter

I had an unusual case of the Faerie Curse, yesterday. Here's how it went down:

  • Usual barking my little darlings into order with few hitches.
  • Go to ATM for moolah
  • Card reads as expired
  • Check card. Due to expire in 2020
  • Re-run ATM looking for a balance
  • Still expired
  • Watch another citizen use the ATM without a hitch
  • Ask incoming bank employee if they can possibly help. They can't.
  • Curse
  • Go to a different brand ATM that still serves to see if it's just my Fickle Fingers at work
  • Card still expired
  • Transfer the cash I need to a different bank account and hope to use that to get my cash
  • Transfer takes 3-5 business days and the balance isn't enough
  • Curse some more
  • I have $80 on my person and we need food and I need fuel
  • Get petrol. So long, $50, it was nice to know you
  • Go home essentially penniless, get my Instant done, get the cleaning done
  • Return to the bank to get this shit sorted
  • According to them, my card has expired on time
  • Good news, I have a spare card with a direct link to the account that matters
  • Bad news, I don't have any money in there any more
  • So with the $30 to my name, I go to Aldi's and get just enough victuals to sustain us for the evening
  • Five seconds after I get home for the rest of the day, there's money in the original account from Beloved
  • I get my novel's allotment of words done JUST in time for the second brat run
  • Just enough time to space out before I need to get dinner done
  • I invent a dish I call "Fuckit"
  • Bedtime for 'Nutter

And to add insult to injury, I woke up at about 2:30 AM and gave up on trying to sleep at 3.

And for the sake of posterity, I give you the recipe.

Fuckit

Instruments
  • 1 large electric frypan
  • 1 sharp kitchen knife
  • 1 Stirring instrument
  • 1 food processor with a slicer ability
  • 1 ladle
Ingredients
  • 3-4 fillets of Basa [or about 500g of the cheapest meat you can get your mitts on]
  • 1/4 wombok
  • ~300g sliced mushrooms
  • 4-5 zucchini
  • 4 tomatoes
  • 1 can coconut milk
  • 4 generous handfuls of grated pizza cheese
  • herbs and spices to taste
  • Enough oil to cook in
Instructions
  • Thaw meat in microwave because it's still frozen despite your best efforts at thawing it naturally
  • If not already mince, slice it into bite-size pieces
  • Insert oil into pan, add herbs and spices
  • Start frying the meat whilst you prepare your veggies. Add each in turn to the pan as you go
  • Add the mushrooms to the mess, as many as you like
  • Remove core from, and slice your wombok
  • Top and tail your zucchini and slice them too
  • Realise that the dicer you spent ages getting your hands on is fucking broken and cry a little
  • Quarter your tomatoes and finger them to remove the seeds
  • Run them through the slicer and add to the meal
  • Pour in coconut milk
  • Add cheese
  • Mix together until more or less homogenous
  • Announce, "Fuckit, it's food" and serve

Serves four hungry nerds with some leftovers. Mangia.