Four frightening words:

I found some lumps.

They’re in my right chestal region and there’s about three of the fuckers. They were not there last week, I swear.

They hurt. They’re huge. They give me stabbing pains every now and again to remind me that life is going to suck for an indeterminate time in the future.

I did take them to the doctor. Yay. I’m not that pathetic. He says they’re most likely to be fibroadenomas.

Aka “breast mice”.

Breast. Mice. What the fuck.

What. The actual. FUCK.

Who the hell named these things ‘breast mice’ and thought it was a good idea?

I keep looking at the ancient greeks, who evidently knew fuck all about anatomy. Come on. Hysteria is caused by the uterus going for a rampage inside the body? Yeah, you bet your arse they came up with 'breast mice’.

Gyeesh.

So now I’m debating with myself [Significant other was no help “whichever you want to go to” AIGH!] as to whether to go to the bulk-billing place (pros: it’s free! Cons: it’s far away and they might not do a thorough enough process and thus make me have to do another one :P ) or the closer clinic(s) (pros: its easy to get to! Cons: It will likely set me back a bit) and both places have an even chance of someone doing a slack job on my personal bits and necessitating a do-over.

And I’m having stress-related asthma attacks, which make the lumps hurt. And I’m fighting with my Dark Side, which is going absolute ape-shit over the whole prospect of CANCER. And telling it to shut the fuck up out loud, though it works(for five seconds), gets me funny looks.

In order to try and calm down about the whole deal I’m playing shitty games from PlayFish [yeah, y'all know they’re shitty] and spending all my Playfish tokens and trying not to freak out.

Blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl… [Sound made by flipping fingers over bottom lip whilst humming]

….yeah it’s not working so good….

And there’s a high likelihood of something being surgically removed in my future. Which will also cost shittons. Or half a fuckton. Which I don’t have.

All hugs, real and virtual, are appreciated. Any kind of help on how to deal [economically, emotionally, I care naught] is embraced with a glad hug and possibly tears on my part.

Anyone willing to dig out some shekels and pay for a story or two will get a kiss. Somehow. $2 isn’t a whole lot, but it adds up. Trust me.

So here’s the obligatory question mark so y'all can say something to me?