Fanfic time: Misfits part 43

Continued from yesterday:

“*Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh*…” said Sara. She was prone on the grass and watching the clouds. “I’m'a sit here and not move until the grass itchies drive me berzerk."

"Sounds like a plan, yo,” Todd had settled nearby. He was mere centimetres from touching her, but he was enjoying her closeness. “How long we got?"

"Well, I could show you how to make your very own spring-foam locker-troll. Y'know… hire you for some after-hours work."

"Heh. Prolly get Wolverine makin’ sure no harassment’s goin’ on."

"True. How about I bore him to death with technical details?"

"He’d heal."

"Poot."

That just made him laugh. "After yo’ episode wit’ tourettes on Friday, yo… I can’t take you *not* swearin’ seriously."

"I told you I knew all the words. I just choose not to use them."

"Yeah… but hearin’ ‘poot’ is kinda like… I dunno…"

"Hearing Logan say it?[1]” she suggested.

That one made him laugh a bit *too* hard. “Ow… yo’ bust mah ribs open, babe."

"Aw, your poor ribs. Shall I nurse you back to health, sweetness?"

"Ooo. I’m in on *dat*."

A shadow eclipsed the sky.

Sara sighed. "Enter the gooseberry."

"You both looked a little thirsty,” said Ororo. “Or shall I put this lemonade away?"

"Does it come in IV?” said Todd. “I did a lot of liftin’ today. Mah arms are dyin, yo."

"I’m rather partial to an IV lemonade, too,” said Sara. “My first Kata, you know."

"I’m afraid we’re all out of the IV option,” joked Ororo. “You’ll have to sit up."

Sara lurched upright like a zombie. "Lemonaaaaaaade…"

Todd followed her lead. "Lemonaaaaaaaade…"

"Oh *dear*,” Ororo giggled. “You two are going to make for some interesting times."

They looked at each other at the same moment and burst out laughing.

Hank was peeking through the lace curtains when she returned.

"Henry McCoy, you should be ashamed of yourself."

"Should I have made them Smores?"

She glared at him. "Henry…"

"I just want to be sure of Sara’s emotional wellbeing,” he said. “I was ever worried about her."

"Relax. She and Todd are good for each other."

Todd snorted lemonade out of his nose and Sara laughed. "Oh my. I wonder what caused that one?"

"Want to make babies?"

{Sk'pnurt…} He coughed and spluttered at the solid mouthful of lemonade that had just gone where no lemonade should go.

Even as she laughed, she clapped him on the back.

"Yo, you tryin'a kill me?"

"Heavens, no. As far as you explained the procedure, it sounded pretty simple."

She could see the penny drop. And then a glare. "I’m'a get you fo’ that, one day."

"I shall enjoy seeing the fruits of your enginuity, then,” she smiled. “No lasting harm?"

"Yo, that’s a given."

"Excellent."

She waited until he had a mouthful of drink again. "So. You never answered my question…"

This time, he swallowed. "You are a mean, mean woman,” he teased. “But wit’ you? Nuttin’ else seems right.” He waited until she was sipping her drink. “'Course, we have t’ do it proper one day."

Sara mildly choked. "I see you don’t wait for chilled revenge, dear."

He grinned. "All’s fair in love an’ war."

"Let’s see. A perfect evening,” Sara indicated the darkening sky and the colours of the sunset. “Perfect company…” she scootched closer to him, feeling the gentle warmth of his body. “A toast. To us?"

"To us."

{Clnk}

They downed the rest of their drinks.

"Ready?"

"Always.” He grinned like a fool in her arms, then threw his head back and shouted, “I LOVE SARA LOUISE ADRIEN AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!"

Sara laughed. "Oh dear, we have a problem…"

"Yo?"

"I don’t know *your* middle name."

"Mortimer[2]."

"Oh, *Mortimer*[3],” she purred. “Here goes.” A deep breath, during which Todd plugged his ears. “I LOVE TODD MORTIMER TOLENSKY AND THE WHOLE WORLD CAN CHOKE ON IT FOR ALL I CARE!"

Todd popped his ears. "Impressive pipes, yo."

Kitty popped out of a window. Only she hadn’t bothered to open it first. "You *guys*! I’m on the *phone*!"

"Has it become surgically attached yet?” asked Sara.

Todd cackled.

Kitty snorted and went back inside.

Only to be replaced by Logan. “What are you two idiots up to now?"

"Makin’ babies,” said Todd.

Sara giggled.

Logan folded his arms, glaring at them. “Better not be doin’ it fer real."

Sara faked surprise. "But isn’t this how it’s done, Mr Logan?"

Todd snorted into his hand.

"Thin ice, Tallwater,” growled Logan. “Both of ya inside. Now. Yer doin’ somethin’ I can keep my eyes on."

"How about making monsters in the basement?” Sara suggested.

“Long as it ain’t th’ beast with two backs, I’m fine,” said Logan.

“Honestly, you’d think he was obsessed,” Sara murmured to Todd.

“Yo, th’ boy needs to talk wit Papa Freud."

”…why me?“ Logan mumbled.

[1] Side-fling to the X-Babies in which Wolvie says things like 'poot’ all the time.

[2] ObComicReference

[3] A line from _Arsenic and Old Lace_. Look it up. Much hilarity.

Lance was humming his song under his breath as he fidgeted in the elevator. _C'mon… hurry up… You’d think a place built like Fort Knox on crack would have faster elevators, but *nooooo*… they have to have these slow-ass pieces of sh–_

"Fire!"

{FooontFoooont!}

Two custom-made locker trolls popped out at them.

"D'WAH!"

"See? I told you the paint job was intimidating."

"Hurm. Nice blood colours on the teeth. Adds that certain je ne sais quoi, no?"

"You two…” panted Summers, “are freaking lethal."

"Yo, that’s why we printed up the stickers."

_Don’t ask. Don’t freakin’ ask. You really don’t want to know. Just don’t–_

"Stickers?"

"Damnit, Summers, haven’t you learned by now?"

Sara handed them each a yellow sticker. "Ounce of prevention,” she said.

The sticker read: _Caution: Security device installed. Opening of this locker is not advised to people with heart conditions._

Todd held up the now-familliar cardboard pyramid that contained a locker troll. “Pound o’ cure."

"Uh,” said Summers. “Just how long–"

"Two hours,” Logan had a twitch under his eye. “Two. Very long. Hours."

"Aw,” Sara pouted. “And we thought you *liked* us."

Now that he had a chance to look around, the basement was full of unfinished, half-finished, and pre-packed locker trolls. "Geez,” he muttered. “All you need is one of those shrink-wrapping thingies."

{Snap!} "I *knew* I forgot something…"

"Thanks a freakin’ lot, Rocky,” growled Logan. “Now get the frogboy and get out."

"Heh. Bye-bye sweetums. See ya tomorrow…"

"Counting the hours, darling."

"Missing you from hee-ere,” sang Todd.

_*God*…_ Lance rolled his eyes. “Could you two get any more *sap*, or do you need a sponge?"

Todd cackled. "Ah, mostly we doin’ it to piss off Logan. Sure, he’s goin’ ride her like nuttin’ else tomorrow but - we made sure it was worth it."

"Whatever. Listen up, I have a plan."

"A cunning plan?"

"Idunno. Probably."

"Should I be doin’ a Blackadder riff?[1]"

Glare.

"Awright, fine. I’m listenin’."

"You have *got* to be kidding me,” said Fred. “It’s suicide."

"Look, we’re not doing anything *bad*,” he said. “It’s romantic."

"Excuseme, butIheardthatsong. Romanticain'tit."

"It ain’t gonna work,” said Todd.

“I got four words for you, Mudslide,” said Tabby. “Fucked. In. The. Head."

"It’s my only chance to win Kitty back. Please?"

Todd sighed. "Fine, but after she blows up at yo’, we goin’ do somethin’ special fo’ Sara."

"What?"

"Oh *geez*…"

"I’m in,” said Fred.

“You gotta *pay* me,” said Tabby.

Kitty rolled over as she heard the strumming guitar and the harmonising.

“There’s a Trish on ev'ry corner if you like to watch the view…"

_Lance? Singing?_

"There’s Angela or Pamela or Andrea, too. I’ve seen ev'ry name and I’ve known how they stay truuuuuue… But I’ve always known that there is only you…"

He was trying to do rock riffs on an accoustic guitar.

"Oh, I know lots of girls go by Katie or Katherine… Tillie or Tisha-Bren… Marlyn or Mary-Anne… But I will always say that there’s one girl for meee… And that would be you, lovely little Kitty…"

When she got out of bed, Rogue was already holding a large, blunt object. "Here. Give him a concussion."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

"Now I’ve known an Angeline or two… they’re pretty to look at, but not as nice as you… I’ve even met a Barbra-Ann and–"

{THWACK!}

"BUG OFF, LANCE, YOU PHILANDERING THUG!"

"Ow."

"He’s still alive, fork."

"But you already *have* money."

"And now I have yours. Suck it up, yo."

"Wstfgl?” said Lance.

“How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Uh… three?"

"Close enough. Get up, you’re crushing a rhododendron."

”…I don’ remember eatin’ that…“ Lance mumbled. The world was spinning.

"Yo, I *said* that song wouldn’t work,” said Todd. “C'mon. Sara’s balcony’s this way. You got some harmonizin’ you owe me."

And then Freddy said it.

"At least it can’t get much worse."

Logan stalked closer, trying to stay out of Tallwater’s line of sight as he crept up on the intruders. She was leaning on the balcony, smiling at the music.

Music?

"No matter what we do…” sang Treefrog.

“No matter what we do,” harmonized Rocky, Speedy, and Blob.

“No matter what they say…” sang Treefrog.

The brotherhood echoed him.

“When the sun is shining through… Then the clouds won’t stay…"

Oh good *grief*. They weren’t.

"And everywhere we go… (everywhere we go) The sun won’t always shine… (sun won’t always shine) But tomorrow will find a way… All the other times…"

They *were*.

"You are beautiful no matter what they say… Yes, words won’t bring you down. You are beautiful no matter what they say… Yes, words can’t bring you down. Don’t let 'em bring you down today…"

"I got one question ta ask, Treefrog,” {Snikt} “Do you boys have a death-wish or *what*?"

"Cheeseit,” said Speedy. He literally became a whirlwind and spun him around until all the others were gone.

When he recovered his equillibrium and his stomach, Logan shook himself. “Goddamn kids…"

[1] "Baldrick, you wouldn’t know a cunning plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked in front of you while singing the 'I am a cunning plan’ song!”

The horsehair couch itched her bare legs. The clock ticked as Logan paced.

“I honestly don’t see what your problem with it is. What Todd did was a romantic gesture. That’s all."

"I don’t like it 'cause he’s another randy male… Brotherhood or not, he’s only after one thing."

Ping. The echo of her mother was there. "I could believe that from someone with magazine features, but–"

"Boys his age *use* girls, Tallwater.” Ping. “He might be nice, now, but once he gets it, are ya sure he’s going to hang around?” Ping. “And ya never know what they say about you behind your back.” Ping.

Sara closed her eyes, trembling. “Please don’t turn into my mother?” Was she shaking? Oh hell. She was.

Logan sighed. “…geez…” Calloused, rough hands held hers. “I’m *worried* about ya, okay? You might be bright, but you’re *young*… it’s easy to fool yourself into thinking something’s there, and–” One hand brushed a tear from her face with surprising care and tenderness. “I don’t want ya hurt."

She opened her eyes to see concern on those battle-worn features. "Statistically,” she croaked, “the pretty ones… the cute ones… are more likely to abuse the privalege of a girlfriend.” She sniffed. “They’re more likely to roam and seek out girls who–” she could say it. “Who put out. And pressure reluctant ones to do the same.” Thank goodness this was a mansion with a large number of girls in it. There was always a box of tissues. She lurched to get it with a mumbled, 'pardon’, and got rid of the excess moisture on her face. “I don’t think Todd’s had much of an opportunity for love and… I get the impression that he’s as nervous as I am about… about losing the relationship."

"You also had the impression that that mouthy little brat with the brackets was your friend."

"Compatriot,” she said. “There’s a difference. I never trusted her with my secrets."

"You *have* secrets?"

"Not from Jean by now,” she muttered darkly, then pinched herself. “We have to get along, Sara Louise. Make an effort.” A sigh. “Yes. I have secrets. Everyone has secrets."

"Huh. I have secrets I don’t even know m'self,” he muttered. “I still don’t trust him."

"Because he’s Brotherhood?"

"Because he’s a teenaged *boy*, Tallwater. There’s incredible pressure, there. Stupid people sayin’ stupid things."

"Like the measure of adulthood is losing one’s virginity? It works in both genders, Mr Logan."

He startled. "That one *still* goin’ around?"

"It’s immortal."

”*Geez*…“ He shook his head. "Just be careful, Tallwater. You two are goin’ a little fast for my likin’."

"Well, I can’t exactly introduce him to my parents, yet. That situation remains… volatile."

Glare.

"I *like* him, Logan. I like him a *lot*. When he looks at me… he sees all my fractures and all my wounds… all the things gone wrong inside my head… and he wants to make it better. He wants to make *me* better. Anyone seeking to take advantage of me - just wouldn’t do that, would they?"

Logan chewed on that problem like a man with something stuck between his teeth. "Awright. Fine. Just *try* to keep it PG, okay?"

"PG is about all the relationship I can handle."

He ruffled her hair, setting her bangs askew. "Good ta hear."

Sara instantly reached for her locks, smoothing them back down over the vast expanse of her forehead.

Logan stopped her. "Don’t believe what yer mother said about yer looks, Tallwater. She’s been hidin’ ya."

It was something she thought about all the way to her bed.