Challenge #00700 - A335: One Dead Hour at Unsuitable Food

[AN: Image shows a table of Uncommon But Useful Conversions. The list runs thus:

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 Bananosecond

Two monograms: 1 Diagram

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

1 kilogram of figs: 1 Fig Newton

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 Hoarsepower

1000 aches: 1 Kilohurtz

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mph: Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking less-filling low-calorie beer: 1 Lite Year

1 000 cubic centimetres of wet socks: 1 Literhosen

1 000 000 bicycles: 2 Megacycles

1/1 000 000 of a fish: 1 Microfish

1/1 000 000 of a mouthwash: 1 Microscope

453.6 graham crackers: 1 Poundcake

Half of a large intestine: 1 Semicolon

]

“Aw ye got tae try the fish an’ chips at Aqua Major,” Shade was laying on some ‘Blarney’ for Nik the Gyiik during the slow hours at Unsuitable Food Eat. “One o’ their Megalodons can be a feast fer millions.”

“Millions, is it,” said Nik. He was waiting for the punchline.

“Oh aye. But there’s only one problem.”

“Go on,” sighed Nik.

“Yer feedin’ everyone microfish.”

Nik looked to Rael, who was the only one moaning. “Microfiche is a primitive means of data storage available in the late twentieth century.”

“Ah,” said Nik. “Hahahahaha?”

Shayde blew a raspberry. “I gotta update me act…”

“I’m sure you’d be a hit amongst the SPOEns.”

“Aw bugger the SPOEns.”

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