Challenge #00563 - A188: We Didn't Start the Flame War

You know Billy Joel’s song “We didn’t start the Fire”?

Well, there’s a really juvenile (which is admittedly appropriate for the subject, mostly) CollegeHumor take on it called “We didn’t start the Flame War”, that is surprisingly catchy. I was just wondering what a story using the title of the CollegeHumor song, but without the more egregious moments of the song, would look like.

Indulge my curiosity? — RecklessPrudence

A blur of black, white, and gold. A rushed, “Hide me!”

Rael checked his calendar. It wasn’t Twosday[1]. “Shayde,” he sighed. “You’re a six-foot-tall being with an aesthetic tailor-made to stand out. What makes you think you can hide behind a five-foot-seven JOAT with his coat on?”

“Inspired desperation,” she said, attempting to burrow into his rainbow coat from behind.

Rael gave up and hustled her into one of the agoraphobic’s comfort booths nearby, for all the cover it could provide.

“Who did you happen to, this time?” he demanded.

“I still dinnae ken what I did,” she said, nervously looking out the only entrance. “I was only tryin’ tae help some folks. Earn some scratch.”

Rael was certain that humans could end all known civilisation with the words “Oops,” or “I was only trying to help”. “All right,” he allowed. “How did you happen this time?”

“They were chattin’ aboot mnemonics on the SPOEn forum, and how kiddies remembered th’ planets, ye ken… And I gave ‘em ‘my very early mornin’ jump’.”

Rael made helpful motions and sounds to encourage her to expand on this.

“It goes, "My very early mornin’ jump starts oop nearly perfect’. Each word starts wi’ the same word as a planet.”

Rael counted on his fingers as his lips moved, working it out for himself. “Er…. you’re one over. What does the ‘P’ stand for?”

That was when she dropped the metaphorical bomb. “They asked that too, the puir babbies. It’s Pluto.”

At which point, Rael turned her in to Security for her own protection.

[1] The Galactic Standard calendar has a ten-day week and a rather practical method of naming the days therein. Oneday, Twosday, Threesday, Foursday… and so on until Tenday. It’s surprising how many cogniscents find this confusing.

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