Challenge #00462 - A087: Portents of Doom

“I’ve got an idea! It’s crazy, it defies all logic, it’s illegal in 16 solar systems and my mother would most assuredly not approve, but it just might work!”

Ax'and'l froze, fighting the primitive desire to burrow under a layer of dirt and conceal himself from predators that no longer existed. Humans had Fight or Flight. His kind had Dig and Ditch. “Hwell,” he murmured in a calm and soothing tone that most definitely did not match his new-found inner turmoil. “What did we agree about what to do when you have that kind of idea?”

“Warn you first,” Hwell intoned. He looked bored. And there is nothing in the universe as dangerous as a bored human. “This is me. Warning you about it. Look. I know we’re blockaded in and all that, but have you checked the scanners? We wouldn’t exactly be running a blockade. Just… slipping through the planet-sized hole they obviously left there for anyone who doesn’t want to be involved. Like us.”

“It would also involve deceiving a planetary population new to space travel, defying local laws, and a certain amount of fraud. Tell me, just how were you planning to gain access to our ship?”

Hwell grinned that nervous grin of his. “Ah. Heh. That’s where the ‘crazy’ and 'defies all logic’ part comes in. With a side order of my mother not approving.”

“No.” Ax'and'l waved the digit of authority at him. “Absolutely not. We do not want a repeat of the Argo Incident. Do you understand?”

Mumbled, “That planet’s stick up its anus has a stick up its anus with a stick up its anus…”

“Do you understand?”

Hwell took the sort of deep breath and sigh that incorporated almost all parts of his body. “Fine. Yes. I understand. I’ll stay on my leash like a good mammal.”

“Good mammal,” Ax'and'l cooed.

“…woof…” Hwell muttered.

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