3:07 AM

Well, fuck.

Beloved is out working so late that it’s early. And I have the shittiest time sleeping alone.

My feet hurt. It’s cold. And I think I might need the nebuliser because I haven’t been looking after myself.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck

And of course at 3AM I get thoughts like:

One day I will be problematic to somebody.

One day someone will dig up something I said in a previous decade that I cringe about even now. And someone will use that as an excuse to generate hate.

OTOH it’s probably not likely because very few peeps even read the shit I write now.

It’s hard to be optimistic in a lonely bed on a cold morning on the second day of insomnia.

So let me give you an idea of how naughty I’ve been. Over the past week:

I have not been eating regularly. And when I do eat it’s been bad food.

I have not been taking my supplements that improve life as I know it.

I have not been doing all the exercises I need to do to get my feet better. I do one, but rarely both. And some days I don’t do them at all.

I have not kept to my personal schedule.

I have not been doing any laundry.

I have not been keeping clean :(

The only conclusion I can reach is that lonely is not good for me. Or I really need a nanny.

Bluh. I’m going to try napping until dawn.